h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Scribbles was my favorite nephew, so it was embarrassing to show up at his 42nd birthday party without a gift. I could hear the other guests chatting as I stood at his door with a gift certificate in my hand.

"Happy Birthday, Scribs," I said as he opened the door.

"Uncle Pell, you're just the man I wanted to see," he said, leading into the living room and motioning to his youngest daughter to come with her plate of hors d'oeuvres. "I need your help."

"My help?"

"Yes, I need help writing a feature article for the travel magazine where I've just been hired. They need a senior citizen who rarely goes far from home. You're the best possible person for that." He stuck the gift certificate absentmindedly into his shirt pocket.

"Uh oh," I said. "Does this mean I'd have to travel, and you would write about my progress?"

"Yes. All expenses paid, staying in luxury hotels and eating the best food."

"There must be a catch."

"You will travel around the world in 30 days, using different mode of transportation each day. I will accompany you, writing about the trip."

He handed me an itinerary. One glance at it made me so dizzy I was glad I was already sitting down.

"Tomorrow is the first of November. You will ride comfortably in a Subaru Forester, which will drive to Provincetown, where you will board a luxury yacht with a crew of twelve. You'll do it, won't you? I really need this."

The pleading look on his face was too much for me. I had no other plans for the month, so I agreed. That night I packed hurriedly -- Scribbles had assured me that I could pack as much or as little as I wanted, secure in the knowledge that
it would safely accompany me across the world.

The next morning, the Forester was parked at the cub in front of my house with Scribs and two assistants.

The ride to Provincetown was uneventful. At three in the afternoon we reached the pier where the yacht Roving Reporter was berthed.

In the next to last paragraph, "cub" should be "curb."

Also, it should *a* different mode of transportation each day.

Paul I look forward to reading the rest of your very adventurous and very entertaining and very vivid travel journal.

Thanks.

I'm hoping that the first installment will be the longest.

'Around the world...'

Looks like fun!

[Amy P]

Water skiing's next.

I'm wondering how you're going to make it a trip round the world using made-up place names. However, I'm sure the story will be as imaginative, even surreal, and well-written as ever.

The facilities will be made up, as I don't want to insult any real hotels or restaurants, but cities and countries will be real enough.

Provincetown, by the way, is the last town at the tip of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. It has a large gay population, a lot of art galleries, and substantial crowds of tourists during the Summer months. The Pilgrim Monument is a very tall tower with a circular staircase to the top.

Whoops, sorry - I didn't even think to check if it wasn't real. It sounded so made-up. But then, there are so many towns in the States, that they must have run out of names at some point and started using things like Provincetown.

Now, if anyone ever talks about Massachusetts towns like Enfield, Dana, or Greenwich, you'll know they're talking through their hats. Those towns no longer exist, having been flooded by the building of the Quabbin reservoir in the 1930s. As a case in point, there's the Enfield Tennis Academy mentioned in the 1996 novel "Infinite jest."

My sister lives on Enfield Road in a town next to Quabbin. I expect that the road used to go into downtown Enfield....