h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When Paulh regained consciousness, he was still in the Great Hall of Rivendell, but now the Great Hall was full to overflowing with concerned residents of Middle Earth. Elrond, who stood at the front of the room, was back now after his dalliance with Gandalf's daughter.
He was quite burly, with tattoos that peeked through his sleeveless tank top and the unzipped leather jacket that was barely big enough for his massive shoulders. He raised a muscular arm to silence the crowd.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and other entities," he thundered, speaking into a cone-shaped silver object that Galndalf's daughter had given him to amplify his voice. "Now that peace has returned to Middle Earth, we are being invaded by creatures from other storylines."

There was a gasp of horror from the assembled crown.

"In the north, a man calling himself the Sheriff of Nottingham has renamed Mirkwood. It is now called Sherwood Forest, and a brigand named Robin Hood lives there with his merry men, poaching deer that belong by rights to King John. The forest where the Ents live has
been invaded by a young lad named Christopher Robin, who calls it the 100 Acre Wood and who has installed numerous animals such as a bear camed Winnie, a donkey named Eryore, and various owls and pigs and rabbits, and even an otter...."

The crowd's murmuring grew louder, but Elrond raised his bulging arm again to silence it. "Rohan, our age-old ally, sits under a permanent frost that has been orchestrated by an ice queen. A large golden lion named Aslan has brought in the Pevensee children from another universe
to help rid the land of this evil queen. Even the Anduin has been renamed. It is now the Mississippi, and a boy named Huckleberry Finn is piloting a raft on it."

As Paulh listened to this catalog of horrors, he felt a hand grasp his arm. Turning, he saw a woman with a crown and a regal robe covered with hearts."Thought you'd get away, did you?" she bellowed
triumphantly.

"Who are you, and why are you grabbing at me?" Paulh exclaimed, trying to lossen her grip.

"You are my husband, the King of Hearts," the woman said, pulling him toward a croquet match that was under way in the garden outside.
Suddenly a large number of apes, led by a muscular man who was clad only in a loincloth, burst through the garden, pulling Paulh to safety and racing toward a jungle that was not far away....

Oh, goody.

Thank you, thank you.

Elrond as a member of a motorcycle gang is an inspired touch, isn't it?

[Amy P]