h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[In the last episode, Paulh was in Cinderella's house, where he found
to his delight that his wife for the day was the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella went to open the front door and found a scythe-carrying man in a black cowl. "I have a telegram for Paulh," he said....]

"If you read that telegram, you're dead," the Fairy Godmother whispered as she hurried Paulh around the corner and down the stairs to the root cellar.

"What if he comes looking here?" Paulh said nervously.

"You won't be here," the Fairy Godmother said, moving some turnips and
squash to reveal an old writing desk. Behind the desk was a passageway. "This tunnel connects with the Mines of Moria. Dwarves used to dig for iron, but they're long dead, sad to say." The Fairy Godmother wiped away a tear. "They'd show up here for lunch and a good time, then go back to the mine."

"Godmother, I'm shocked!" Paulh exclaimed.

"It's not what you think. Anyway, you'll need this." She handed him a large stick inscribed with the letter "B". "This is a balrog stick. Throw it, and the balrog has to go fetch it. That'll give you time to make your escape to Rivendell."

Sure enough, after a few miles of wandering, Paulh found himself in a chamber with a deep well. Beside the well was a huge monster in a wedding dress. Paulh groaned. He threw the balrog stick into the well. and fled....