h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Perils of Paulh, episode 5

Snow White wasn't hungry, but I took an aopple from the crone and bit into it. I passed out. When I came to, Miss Piggy was bending over me and kissing my lips.

I sat up with a start. "What happened?" I asked, noticing that Miss Piggy was surrounded by muppets.

"Well, we came here to film a sequence about Snow White," Kermit the Frog explained. I saw that someone had eaten the with's apple, so I stepped forward to bestow the kiss that would bring Snow White back to life."

"But he saw that the body was you, not Snow White," Miss Piggy interjected. "Kermit here backed away and said, 'Your turn,Piggy,' so I did the kissing."

"That means that Miss Piggy is my wife for the day," I said, not sure how I felt about it.

"You and moi?" Miss Piggy hooted. "Kermy is my only love. Here, eat the apple again, for all I care." She crammed it in my mouth and stomped off in high dudgeon. Animal grabbed the apple from my mouth and swallowed it whole with no apparent ill effect.

I found that I had been moved a long distance from the cottage where Snow White and the dwarveslived, so I set off on foot in search of a way back to some recogizable landmark.

I came upon a yellow brick road. A little girl came in sight, accompanied by a lion, a scarecrow, and a tin man.

"No!" I exclaimed, shaking my fist at the heavens. "I will *not* have Dorothy as my wife today! She's too young..."

"Don't worry, dear, Dorothy won't be your wife today. That's *my* job, said a cackling voice next to me. Turning, I saw the Wicked Witch of the West....

I am pleased to see you have observed 21st-century protocols...

[Amy P]

Paul what you have written would make a great pantomime.

What I've written is total rubbish, Thinker.

I'm just having a lot fun imagining all the different literary landscapes I could insert myself into!

Perhaps I could find myself herding sheep on a mountain in Wyoming.