h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Christmas gift-planning session was going well: hedge clippers for Lonny, yarn for Grandma, princess dolls for little Grace.

“The Parkers in Fairbanks?” my wife said, frowning.

“A solar-powered snowblower,” I suggested.

“Too much snow, too little sunlight,” she objected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm Pehninda Yass
(Accent the first syllable).
My presence, alas,
Makes eggnog quite spillable

Fruitcake is sad
If I'm in the house.
I'm likely to add
Some bits of chopped mouse.

Even a dunce
Understands I bring woe.
I helped Santa once:
He stubbed his bit toe.

So hang up the holly.
String lights 'round the tree.
Be merry and jolly,
But don't ask for me.

I'd help if I could,
But I'm accident-prone.
I try to be good,
But I end up alone.

That's not good, so help, please!
Come decorate my tree,
And hang up a few wreaths.
You shall blessed be.

Throw a yule log on the fire
While we all conspire
To pretend we've been good this year.
Santa's full of Christmas cheer.

He'll think we've not been bad.
The truth, alas, is sad.
We'll claim temporary insanity,
And open our gifts with glee.

I find that quite sad. Happy Christmas Paul.


*giggles quietly, muttering "solar-powered snowblower"*

The poem in the first post was sad, I mean. You posted another one in the mean time.

Christmas has many faces, TC. There are happy faces, sad faces, careworn faces. It's a *very* complicated time of year. There are many people who think there's something wrong with them if they don't feel jolly, or have a loving family to reunite with. It may be something innocent like Seasonal Affective Disorder [winter depression], or being reminded that they didn't prosper in life the way other people did.

Several years ago, I was browsing through a book called "What Policemen Know," and saw that police officers usually dread the last part of December. They know that violent incidents will occur then, as people who can't stand each other will nevertheless get together because it's Christmas. All too often, the consequences are not pretty.

Anyway, I hope to have a few more stories to write here. I had a hectic day running last-minute errands yesterday. This morning I did the laundry, picked up some gift books I had ordered from a book store, and went around looking for my lost glasses . Then I came home and wrapped all the presents. Tonight I drive to my parents' place. Tomorrow I join family members at my brother's house.

I always feel guilty about not having enough stuff to give my relatives.Now that I'm retired, I have less money to work with anyway, but guilt knows no logic.

Very well written Paul, full of vivid imagery and depth of feelings.

Happy Christmas Paul and TC.

...amen on seasonal blues affecting men(and women) in blue, the week after Xmas and the first week of the new year, especially Xmas Eve, Xmas day, New Years' Eve and the first Monday of the new year...

I'm spending the holidays at home this year, working around the house. Maybe next year I have a celebration.

[Here's a cross-posted song/poem from a pirate thread]



God rest you merry, pirate crews,
Let nothing you dismay.
We sing these carols to amuse,
When we've got nought to say.
The wassail warms our innards
When the ocean air gets cold.
Oh, glad tidings of Christmas gold,
Christmas gold.
Oh, glad tidings of Christmas gold.

[cross-posted from the nonsense verse thread]

A green Christmas was had by one and all.
The lawn is green in these parts local.
Pansies still bloom around hospitals tall.
I've flowers whose leaves weren't frosted at all.

[cross-posted from the haiku thread]

Sleigh bells roast in fire.
Jack Daniels nipping your nose.
Flat carols from choir.

Mistletoe stuffing
In turkey, give gut bad fright!
Tiny tots scheming.