h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Currently listening to: The theme of "Matlock"

And what does that mean, when Matlock is on at 1 PM ? It means I'm staying home from school once again. I didn't get enough sleep tonight, since I was up feeling sorry for myself , so I had to stay home, sleeping. My sister woke me up for some fresh pancakes Sometime's life idn't so bad...

You know, that's funny you mentioned Westlife, because my sister and I watched the 'Bop Bop Baby' minutes ago, and thought how bad it was! I mean What On Earth did that video have in common with the lyrics of the song ? Um sure, mention the words "Bop Bop Baby" and the first thing that strikes me is a boyband running around in tights, swinging swords about. Seriously... And of course they had to get help from the bride - sissies!

How I ended up with Ooza Ooza... It's a minor Michael Ball explenation behind that, if you don't mind. Ever heard the song "Wales Forever" with Michael Ball and Ladysmith Black Mambazzo (however you spell that)? Probably not, since I haven't even heard the complete song yet... Anyway, it ends with the words "Ooza ooza" (I have no idea what it means ) And, er, my sister thought it sounded like a really weird name, so for a period she nicknamed me it. I didn't tell you it was a good story, not even a non-confusing one, but I can't explain it any better.

*Sticks out tongue in front of mirror * I thought you said it would turn blue, mine is green That can't be good ...

Modern Day Vampirism , that's a good subject. Too bad I don't know so much about it... I can tell you this: There are practising vampires today, but many of those are so affected by Hollywood's picture of vampires, they have completely forgotten about the classics (Bram Stoker's, etc.) I would tips you about the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, since they touches on the subject, but I don't know how much time you got

Of course I must be a vampire . All the proof is there: I'm dead pale and hate going into the sun, I detest seeing myself in a mirror, I'm not so crazy about sharp sticks... The only minus it that I'm not so crazy about blood either Hey, noones perfect... But if I try to run, I do taste blood in my mouth very, very fast And I can't count all the times I've bitten myself in the tongue... Ouch...

I better go now, and feel more sorry for myself Poor me, poor me, poor me...

"The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist."
-Aaron Machado

"Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."
-Elbert Hubbard

Currently listening to: Some creepy music that came with one of the websites I have been using for my project on vamps!

We, oddly enough, don't have Matlock over here. Isn't that, that programme popular with the old folks in the US

It's turned your tongue green, *flips over to the back of the colouring bottle* Oh my; 'Not for use by Vampires, Zombies or Lawyers. Gangrene may occur if so...' oops, I'm so stupid! Sorry...

*sigh* Are you ill all the time or what? I can't blame you for not wanting to move and go out, life's a b!tch. It particulary hated me today, it trod, weed, spat and kicked dirt on me today . I fell out with all my friends, forgot all my sewing stuff so I'm 2 weeks behind in our textiles project, had a bad nights sleep, had a bad hair day, went insane and I also tried to be funny on one of my non-funny days...

It's the Queen's jubilee party in Religious Studies tommorow!!! YAY! I'm leaning towards the anti-royalist side so It's not for the queen I can tell you that ! I'm happy cos we get a party!!! Crisps, cake, drink (all has to be dyed blue, red, white though) and we get to play loud throbbing music, (or in my case Glenn Cloud playing Motzart's, The Goldberg Variations ) and wear our own clothes (red, white and blue clothes only)! All in the lesson!!! Maybe I should dye my hair red, blue and white...

Me and Vickie are splitiing the workload, she's makin

Lady smith Black Mombazzo, oh yeah! I remember them, I have their old cd somewhere....

Back to the West-Life video thing, why were they singing about 'calling you up on your phone and getting your answer phone' or somthing and yet they are clearly in the late 1600's?!? Is that stupid or what? Oh the confusion...

Well, you probably have got my e-mail by now. Oh If you haven't I sent you my Vampire article... hope it doesn't give you nightmares !!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Currently listening to: The cheesy dialogue of some American sitcom

Yeah, Matlock is an American lawyer/detective-serie from the 70 - 80s. I personally think it's dead boring Another similiar American detective serie I can't stand must be "Diagnosis: Murder" (I think that's the original title) with the quite old Dick Van Dyke. I never cared much for Van Dyke, not even when he was young . Okay, I loved him as "Bert" in Mary Poppins, one of my favourite movies as a little girl ... And the man I love is currently playing one of his old characters... But besides that, I can't stand Mr. Van Dyke.

I cannot agree more on your opinion of what "life is"... I went to school today, expecting as always a bit of Math, Norwegian, History, etc. For once I had remembered all the books, but what do they tell me? "Oh, you didn't need to bring anything today, this is just a day where we'll strenghten our social bonds!" So I've been playing "Who wants to be a billionare" all day (P.S.: I won!! ) Okay, so it wasn't so bad...

But what more did I learn? Tomorrow's the Norwegian exam! I had no idea! At least I don't have to recite (or indeed read) anything, since the whole day will go to write a story... We're not meant to prepare so much...

Oh, and I read your article. I liked the start; "Did you pass one today?" I really liked that. I'm also impressed of how you let facts speaks for themselves; I'm terrible at writing articles, because I always let them get coloured by my own opinions. "I think -" "I feel - " I always get told off for that.

I gotta go and think of some really brilliant story plots for tomorrow

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
-Douglas Adams

"Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast."
-Douglas Adams

Currently Listening to: erm, hang on... ooh! A nice song by Ozzy Ozbourne, however it's spelt.

*bangs head on table, in traditional bad day greeting* Ugh, It's so hot! I had to do the 800m today and high jump. It was boiling hot, and then when I got off the bus I discovered I had to make the 30 min journey, uphill to my house as my Mum wasn't there. It's too hot...

Ugh. I'm just way too tired to work tonight. Shame, as I have History, Science and a further 3 English essays , It's not fair .

That party was the most awkward event I have ever had the misfortune to attend. Our class is divided between the Greebo's* and Townie's*, they were fighting over possesion of the cd player along with the Babybat*. Freak* and friends kept out of it, but in the end the teacher ended up playing the music, playing it so quietly that nobody could hear. Some stupid twats* in our class stole some of the food and hid it in their bags, keeping their own supply of the best snacks . The different groups kept to themselves and it was all extremely awkward

WOAH! Hang on a minute... Dick Van Dyke was 'Bert' in Mary Poppins ? I never knew that!!! My god..., I learn so much talking to you. More that at school, we should all worship Tilly! "Hey guys, I've found an idol for us to worship!", oh almighty Tilde! What would we do without you...?

I watch Diagnosis murder! Well, when I'm sick and in an unfit state of mind anyway . The plots never made sense and people kept on having heart attacks or getting run over by buses, there was NEVER any gore, blood and guts, so I'd get bored with it in 5 mins

My nose is running (I know, I'd better go and catch it), yuk! I think I'm getting a summer cold or I have really bad hayfever ! I feel sick too, *sob* my life is sooo pathetic!!

Want a cup of or maybe a ? So, hmm, how's life...? Cake ?

Yay for Toby Maguire!!! I'm looking forward to seeing Spiderman, there's somthing about me and men in masks . I must admit, I do love cartoon characters, I loved Batman. It's somthing to do with masks! He's very good looking, but not as sultery and refined as a certain flesh loving cannibal we know...

I don't believe you when you said that you liked my article! Everyone else hated it, dunno why. Vampires are great ! I'm going to go and do some more typing in a minute for English. Boooriiiinnnggg!!!

Good luck with your Norweigen exam ! You shall do great, I'm showing a creat confidence in you I'm going to go and collapse on the sofa. See you soon

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

AND NOW THE BORING YET NECESSARY BIT. ALL THE TERMS I MAY USE TO DESCRIBE PEOPLE WHO I KNOW:

*Greebo= type of person, like rocker or nu metal. They dress in hoodies, baggy trousers, long stripey socks (Ok, I admit I own 6 or 7 pairs but I'm not a greebo) and listen to Maralin Manson, Slipknot, blink-182, sum 41 (Ok, I admit yet again I like all of those except the first two) and Korn. They're different to Goths (goths are cool .)

*Townies= another type or class of person. They ONLY wear brand names, (very important to them) like adidas, nike, tommy hilfiger, etc, they wear big hoop earrings and carry handbags everywhere. They listen to Moby(Ok, I admit I do quite like that), So Solid Crew (they really suck) and Westlife. They're often tacky and over dressed.

*Freak= Natalie Wood, see 'Loser' or 'Artsy'. I have no proper social status.

*Babybat= They're 'wanna-be' greebos or goths but are only in it for the music and to belong to a social group.

*Twats= Wannabe Townies, they wear high shoes but are too gross and slobby to be proper Townies. They are quite gross really, they chew with their mouths open. Example:A girl called Kirsty and her co, they're all idiots.

*Loser= Natalie Wood, see 'Freak' or 'Artsy'.

*Artsy= Prefers Hannibal, drawing, reading, and 'witty' comedy to Josh Hartnett, bitching and 'bottom' humour. c/o Natalie Wood, see 'Loser' or 'Freak'

NB. THESE WORDS OR PHRASES MAY VARY FROM PLACE TO PLACE...

Currently listening to: Myself singing "How Could I Lose You?" Okay, I'm been listening to some "heartbreak"-albums for some reason, and is currently very emotional "How can I lose you?/You're all that I know/What shall I do now?/Where will I go?..." *Sob*

*Wipes tear* Wow. "Babybats"? "Greebo"? I guess you *do* teach me something - new words I didn't know existed! How would that be, if I slipped a note to Prof. Petter saying "Tilde is excused to sit on the net and chat with this girl, Nate, as this strenghtens her English vocabulary." If only...

Maybe I should learn you some words in return? Muahahahaa! You're trapped! Let's see, where shall we start... You have "Doller", mostly called "Berter" or "Fjortiser" - that's the name of people (especially girls) that behaves like immature fourteen-year-olds... (Seriously: "Fjortis" comes from the number "Fjorten" which is Norwegian for fourteen) They show off in "trashy" clothes, can't live without their mobile phones and only live for their social status... They tend to be very cruel to "outcasts" too, so they're my bitter enemies ...

Yes, t'is true. Bert = Dick Van Dyke. Now, as I watch the movie in my current age, I do realise his "Cockney" accent is a bit far-fetched...

Yes, a cup of would be exactly what I could need right now - after having cried my eyes out over those songs... I'll make you some Sugar? Cream?

Guys with masks? Oh, been there, done that. I also love when they bring a cape, too. And tuxedo and white gloves. May I mention a certain Phantom of the Opera ? I may also have mentioned a certain website I created. In fact, you should read the book: "The Phantom of the Opera" by Gaston Leroux. Lots of gothic, romance, sobbing... but mostly strangling, beheading, burning and other various gruesome deaths Phantom rocks ! The Opera Ghost rocks! Erik rocks! Oh wait, that's the same person And if that isn't enough for you, you should read "Phantom" by Susan Kay - it's an awesome book. Even more gruesome deaths, including stabbing, pushing people off tall buildings... I could just go on and on...

This may be a rather short post, but Daniel and Tine is here, and they keep asking me of I write anything about them... Oops, I just did Bye!

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."
-Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

"Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of."
-Douglas Adams, Arthur Dent in "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"

Currently Listening To: The soundtrack from Jackie Chan adventures! Yay for oriental themed cartoons...

Ever heard of the Tweenies? If you have, ignore the following statement: I'm eating a Tweenies lolly pop

I'm in a silly mood today, somthing in the air I suspect. *semi to self* That stupid air, think's it's so big. I could show air a thing or two

*Cringes* Well I am trying to cut down on the sugar, so maybe I'll only have 1 lump, hold the cream.... Cake *forces it on Tilly* ?!?!?!

Well, to celebrate The Queens Royal Jubilee we are allowed to wear our own clothes for the day (tommorow). But of course, nothing in our school is for free so there will be a small cost of...err... £1.00, talk about steep ! In the good old days *remenisces to when dinosaurs roamed our movie screens*, we were allowed to wear whatever we wanted for nothing!! Back to reality now...

Mmmm, men in masks.... mmmm! I really fancy A.H now, people have somehow figured this out and It's going round the school like wild fire! *Pssst, did you know Natalie fancies a 63 year old?!* I don't care though, I stopped caring a looooonng time ago. No one believes the rumours anyway...hee hee. If only they knew .

If I learnt Norweigen I would definately use those phrases, in fact I shall use them tommorow. It's Sarah and Vickies birthday tommorow! Well, it's only Sarah's birthday. Vickie's parties are in the half term, which means I have 3 party's to go to . Anyway, we have decided to throw them both a small party at school tommorow. Balloons, cakes, crisps, the lot.. I'm making the b-day cakes and getting other food.

The problem is that Vickie know's that we're having a party for Sarah tommorow, but not her. She technicly she's bringing in stuff for her own party

I'm off to buy a t-shirt for tommorows non-uniform day (Tog 24 the religion, sacrifice the pussy!), and maybe some new trousers (Come on! I only have one pair in the entire world).

Well bye,

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

P.S. Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE*, Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE*,Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE*,Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE* Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE*,Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE*,Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE*,Daniel and Tine *GIGGLE*! You see! We are talking about them...

Currently listening to: A TV commercial...

Urgh... I've had such a headache all day, and it may have affected the short story I delivered fro the Norwegian exam... The tasks where absolutely boring any way, but I found potential in one: We were meant to continue the intro :
"... The stars were out. He walked nervously back and forth by the window. He didn't expect anyone, he knew the apartment was empty. He raised his head and stared out of the dark windows. He was thinking of Miriam. When he thought of her, it was like his entire body was filled with black water..."

I'm actually quite pleased with the short story. As always, I had the element of surprise on my side ... The leading character, a shy , intelligent, male librarian has secretely fallen in love with a girl, Miriam, that drops by the library now and then and discusses French philosophy with him. In the end he dare to leave a message on her answering machine, but he has to travel to Paris, so he begs her to call him on his mobile phone.
That's what the short story is all about: He sits in his apartment in Paris, gathering his thoughts and memories, waiting and longing for the call. Will she call? Will she not?
Then, in the last sentence, we learn that in a small apartment in Oslo, buried in old French books, a sweet girl has just been murdered by her boyfriend, who got jealous when he found a certain message on her answering machine...

All that read it went Wow! I had no idea that would happen! It's one of the few short stories I'm positively proud of - I seldom write so much about feelings and thoughts, and when I did, it didn't turn out so bad. I sat for an hour thinking of a title, and in the end I went for "Love's French Metaphor" Perhaps I should try to translate it to English and mail it to you... But I find it a very bad sign to be content with it: That would be a sure sign that the teacher will hate it. Oh well...

Oh, you send Sarah and Vickie my congatulations ... Here's a Norwegian birthday song I never could stand myself: (Very, very badly translated by me)

Vi har den ære å gratulere (We have the honour of congratulating)
Vår venninne som fyller år i år (Our female friend that grows older this year )
Og neste år blir hun enda flere (And next year she will be even older)
Ja, det er fælt så fort som tiden går (Oh, how fast the time passes)


Gotta go and nurse my headache Oooh...