h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A third of these were from some anonymous e.mail I received a few months ago. The rest I already knew, and sometimes use to confuse people.

Adam and Eve - Believe - I don't bloody Adam and Eve it!
Alan Whickers - Knickers - Okay, okay, keep yer Alans on!
Apple Fritter - Bitter (beer) - They’ve got some new apple at the battle. (Battle Cruiser = boozer)
Apples and Pears - Stairs - Get yer bacons up the apples and pears.
Artful Dodger - Lodger - I’ve got an artful to help pay the rent.
Ayrton Senna - Tenner (ten pound note) - You owe me an Ayrton.
Bacon and Eggs - Legs - She’s got a lovely set of bacons.
Bang Allan Border - Bang out of order - He's bang Allan (used when someone does something nasty to someone else).
Barclays Bank - W**k (masturbate) - He's having a Barclays.
Barn Owl (Barney) - Row (argument) - ‘Ad a barney with me artful ‘cos ‘e refused to give me my Ayrton’s.
Barnet Fair - Hair - She's just got her barnet chopped.
Battle Cruiser - Boozer (off license) - I'm off to the battle to get some apple.
Bread and Honey - Money - He's got loads of bread.
Brown Bread - Dead - He's brown bread.
China Plate - Mate - How are you, me old china?
Cream Crackered - Knackered (tired / broken) - I'm cream crackered!
Current Bun - Sun - The current bun's hot today.
Dicky Bird - Word - He hasn’t said a dicky in hours.
Dog and Bone - Phone - She's always on the dog.
Donkey's Ears - Years - Ain't seen you in donkeys.
Gary Glitter - S**tter (posterior) - He gave him a good kick up the Gary!
Hank Marvin - Starving (hungry) - I’m Hank Marvin - I’ve not eaten in ages.
Jam Jar - Car - Me jam jar’s cream crackered.
Jimmy Riddle - Piddle (urinate) - I really need to go for a Jimmy.
Joanna - Piano - He’s great on the Joanna.
Merchant Banker - W****r - ‘E still owes me an Ayrton, wot a merchant.
Mother Hubbard - Cupboard - There's no grub in the mother.
Pen and Ink - Stink - Eurgh! That pen and ink’s!
Pete Tong - Wrong - Everything’s gone Pete Tong.
Pinch (steal) - Half Inch - Someone’s half-inched me Ayrton
Plates of Meat - Feet - I’ve been on me plates all day.
Pork Pies (Porkie Pies) - Lies - He’s always telling porkies.
Raspberry Tart - Fart - That rasperyy pen and inks.
Richard the Third - Turd (s**t) - That bloke’s a complete Richard.
Sky Rocket - Pocket - Me skies are empty.
Sweeney Todd - Flying Squad (Police) - Here come the Sweeney.
Tom and Dick - Sick - He's feeling a bit Tom.
Trouble and Strife - Wife - Just had a Barney with me trouble.
Two and Eight - State (of anguish) - He's in a right old two and eight.
Uncle Dick - Sick - He’s just been Uncle Dick over me new whistle.
Whistle and Flute - Suit - I just got a new whistle.

ummmmmmmmmm urghhhhhhhhhhhhh aaaaaaarggggghhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhh oh dear. confusing. aaaaargghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another modern day icon who has passed into the annals of rhyming slang mythology is, of course Lionel Blair.
Look at the Lionels (Flares) on 'im.

Is this where the name Starvin Marvin (South Park) comes from? (see Hank Marvin in the list of phrases above)

Instead of 'In' and 'Out' trays, you have 'Errol' (Flynn) and 'Twist' ('n' Shout) trays. That's from 'Viz', I think.

Also, currency note denominations: Fiver=Lady (Godiva), Tenner=Ayrton (Senna).

there's a good site you can check out which has a pretty big list of these as well as loads of facts about rhyming slang and the like. it's at: www.geezer.demon.co.uk.

check it out for a bit of a laugh!

if anyone uses any slang from that site they're a bit of a tea leaf really, aren't they?

If your sky rockets are empty, you could say you were borassic (borassic lint, skint).

Some drugs related:
Henry VIII - Eigth (of an ounze), I managed to score a Henry
Louis XVIII - Sixteenth or teenth (of an ounze), a Louis
WIzard of oz - One ounze (oz), A wizard

Some others:
Nuclea sub- pub
Rub a dub dub- pub
Poney and trap- crap, this games a bit poney

Ah well, theirs my contribution

Talking of currency, anyone know how much a monkey is?

A monkey is a score of ponies, half a bag of sand, or Jack's Alive of tons depending on your preference.
Also,
Daisy's are Boots (Daisy Roots).

I think Starvin Marvin was Marvin Hagler - the boxer. Hungry to win.

Er, yes, but how much in money is a monkey? Pounds sterling I mean? And what's it rhyme with?

A monkey is £500.
That rhymes with:- A chunky is 500lb.
Hope that helps.

(I can't believe I'm typing this sequence of words) Thank you, Tennisball in my Pond, you're a Diamond Geezer.