h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or, perhaps "Any kind of pain", would have been a better title... Or, maybe even, "what kind of girl".... "stolen moments", might fit too.... " "Elvis has left the building", would I fear be a bit too obvious


Final (planned), dose/infusion of Dacarbazine, Adriamycin (doxorubicin), and bleomycin (they took me off the Vinblastine due to the perlipheral neuropathy ages back), Tomorrow.

Well. its been fun. but, I don't think I'm sorry to see it coming to an end. I've just about, had enough. although, I've kinda been saying/thinking that for the last couple of infusions. But ... actually... - if the plan gets screwed, and there's more to come. then, there is more to come. sod it. - yeh. I'm utterly done for, with it, and, can't take any more. But, if there's more, then there's more, and I'll take it.

If the plan as is now, is the plan as is now, there oughta be a PET scan, soon, and then, I'm guessing on the back of that, they'll wanna decide a new, what I'm due for in the zapping department; origional plan was for 30 Gy, which, actually, seems quite a lot, from what I've read; last news was they only wanted to zap one area, my left armpit, how odd. given which, maybe the rads won't be quite so high. can't say the idea of a perminantly scarred/burnt armpit, and corosponding burn/scarr on my back is a nice thought, but... worse things happen at sea apparently.- anyhow, I'm not entirely sure as yet that I'll let them zap me; got some very nice hard statistics on it all to look at, based on their analysis and numbers, and the PET result; basically weighing up what side affects, one might get, if the rad is likely to come close to my neck, heart, or lungs, against the recent studies comparing survival rates, and suchlike, from chemo alone, VS chemo + zapping, etc. =- luckily my brains just about returned some logical thinking to the point I can do the stats again in my head.

Talking of which. the last two or three days. Its like something has cleared in my head. - I've started cooking proper food again. I've got the concentration, dexterity and suchlike now for it, but, something else too.... =- maybe just recovery from the stroke/hemorridge perhaps? Dunno.... perhaps more psychiological.


Two more appointments Friday; eye clinic in afternoon and endochrinology at last in the morning; endo is ... so important need to sort that stuff out, and untie it from the lymphoma and chemotherapy and its side affects.


Something wildly up with m y blood pressure. I think its responsible gor a lot of my 'odd feeling', esp when walking bout town; feeling disconnected, apart, not focused, outside the real world... very... odd... plus just light headed, fainty feeling, and sort of reminding me of passing out stuff... - bit like just now; swept upstairs, and hoovered.... because I'm... me, did it, and continued..... feeling fainter and fainter... just did it all before I was quite seriously feeling like... sitting down was a good idea.... err, or, actually essential before I did actuall pass out. but, I didn't pass out, so hurrah for me.

Gona book to see GP soon, next week probably, start the knitting stuff; and get some neurological follow up from the stroke/hemorridge. - I'd kinda like to know, for a start, which it was, I've not a clue, and I've no idea how severe it was; really wanna know if that was cause of the fit, or consequence of, the fit; I.E., Addisonian fit/Crisis, causing the head stroke/hemorridge, or... sort of the other way round... - also was all that a sodium stuff real... o or an affactation of the addisons... dunno. want answers...

OK. William here. must get on. there's tea to be drunk. and ...... things

Relaxing day, with William. did the shopping earlish. then had a nap, with William.... well, he seems able to fall sleep so quickly... I just... enjoy the cuddles and... well.
Sort of nearly drifted off a bit, then, just lay there crying for not any reason I really knew, for about half an hour or so.... still too all kinds of everything. not, as far as I can tell anything so stupid as crying for myself... screw that.

Cooked us dinner, well, it was a salad, but I made it

decided I didn't want a bath, so had a shower. first time in ages I've showered.
gosh.! - my skin is really so supper soft and ... smooth... noticed it so much, showering rather than bathing, with soap, shower gel, etc... very odd... as my hair always gets wet, I figured I might as well wash and condition it again, came out supper soft but... feels so weird, having such thin hair

as I was showering, which I'd not done in a while, got t the coconut exfoliating scrub out and used that... and chated a bit at the end, and used a Lush bath melt, the couldren, as there was half oa one left, in the soap dish

dream cream after, of course, natch whilst blasting out prodigy, for a change... a lot of a change, plus some benga... - figure, chemo can't feel that bad, if I've listened to some dubstep... truely... dubstep is actually I think worse than chemo

kinda bored, so we went out for a walk.

and.

somehow ended up in a pub. well, OK, I might have suggested It I fancied a beer.

had two pints. and ... gosh I've no alcohol tolerance having drunk nothng for ages I'm sure beer the night before chemo is good. its. natural.

got chatted up by a girl/lady in the pub... she was there with a couple of guys, and started putting bows in my ribbons and playing with my hair... - OK... I kina met her half way, and tol her about the chemo and the ribbons being for each infusion, and the fact I figured having be beer, the night before my final chemo might be... tempting fate, but... etc., etc., but.. gosh... she gave me the come-on she offered me shots.... but I had to refuse, even I acept there are limits to.... sense and insanity and ... I can't even remember the last time I drank any spirits so... we left after I had my second beer (William doesn't drink alcohol), and came home... to supper... icecream and gataux, of coruse
and.
damnit. had to open a can of Guinness... the choice was Guinness or te. I figured tea the sensible option. hence had to go for Guinness.

must go fnishe that now, and head to bed, need to get up 7.30 to stand a chance of getting my head, and ciochemistry and endochrinology togehter in the morning, before we head to get the bus

still can't quite get my head round it being the final one tomorrow... - pub very much on agenda for a quick visit, on way home from the chemo assuming.... I don't actually suddenly start getting accute symptoms or anything, aor like feeling sick and stuff... somehow... nah, I just can't see me doing it.. but one. never... knows... right.

two albums I wanna buy from ITunes, some Guinnes to finish, then bed...

back again......... on the other side

*Waits patiently.*

all went spiffingly - drugs being a lot more fightly..... especially now, the day after. but I have just spent the day at hospital again, in tw differnt clinics, so... just damn tired really! fighty chemo drugs, still no where near tough enough, eating it up

and, clinic one today, was endochrinology

I don't have pinitious amemia
I don't ahve Hypothyroidism.
I don't have addison's disease! Huzzah! just as I predicted, either random affectations in my blood, due to lympohma, or the chemo, and, in teh case of tehe Addison's, just as I predicted, its secondary addison's, (I think its called), related to my accident in 93; when the pit pituitary gland must have got dammaged - bu atm I need the drugs for Addison's still; the hydrocortisone, to keep levels of it up, whilst I@ve got body recieving stress of the chemo, and then the radiotherapy, I assume which starts in a few weeks; my background level of cortisone, is low; but probably low now, due to taking the hydrocortisone; normal level is probalby on low side; but I did like twenty years, and never ever once got sufficient stress, to trigger the addisonian crisis (the grand mal seizure), until I got lymphoma!; I'm that* bluddy cool and zen maan!

- still major awkward to say 100%, what my background level of adrenal fucnction is, with the ch chemo still in my system, etc, so have another appointment with Endochronology, probably Sep I think; to give m e time to complete, radiotherapy, then lower and lowe ragain, my hydrocortisone, so the adrenals will kick back in with their 'level' of cortisone production; then call on whether I@ll need lifelong dailyl cortisole repalcement (the hydrocortisone); or whever I'll be able to no bother; and just have tablets floating about, for when I'm ill, or stressed, to cope with the need for increased amounts

huzzah!


really worringly low, blood pressure; no explational reason; po posture low blood pressure; fine on activity, way low on bending in particular, or sitting... - gona book to see GP next week, to talk about that, and to try get refereral back to neurology, as I want that checked; I had a petit mal Wed, no expliation for that either. s will get GP to look at blood pressure too, and do whatever is needed as regards finding out what is caucsing that (obvious explition would have been dncoendochrine, but, nope, it isn't....)

so... tired.... fatigued...

gona go f cook dinner, then take drugs!

Cool old Guy on top
"Good to hear you are back, and relatively

Well, eat, take your medicine and have some sleep "

Oh, and I did sleep night before chemo; but slept only like less than one hour last night... which probably isn't helping me much today seeing as it was another trecking round hospital day and having to do stuff have taken drugs... dinner in a while....

and

ooooo! my new stuff arriaved today!; a pack with a load more towels purple ones, of course ; several more hand towels, one can never have enough.

and.


t two towels, the typ eof which I have never oend in my life!!!!!!!!


----

large... ok massive, purple bath sheets!; a new dimension to add to the luxuary of bathing... - and I@m so gona have to have an epic bath tonight; showered again last few days, just for speed, what with hopsital visits and stuff, and early gettin gup, and , wll, mainly with William bien ghere, not really wanting, to vanish for an hour into teh bathroom, whilst he's here, and stuff


brain gone all foggy again today.... hopefully taht'll spring back again soon, was getting a lot less brain fog, adn chemo brain, the past week I think - maybe after affects of stroke/hemorridge/gran mal seiizure, lifting a bit more maybe.. just... dunno... psychiology as neared last chemo - still don't think I quite 'get that'... kinda just 'expect' to go there again, in fortnighgts time.... sit in the chair... meds... saline... drugs... etc

didn't make it to pub last nigh tafter.... too tired by time we walked bak (we walked back; and walked to hopsital this rmoning, but wa bus back home, as was wet). -start of getting fit, walking.


tired must go do food... after peppermint tea, and listening to radio