h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

fabulus I told someone I might have a sex-change after chemo.... just for something different.... they asked in all........ seriousness.... I think....
"from what to what" I'd not have minded so much....... but, the person in question.... was William and.... I kinda see his point in some ways I don't think I'm being serious. but. its so hard to tell thesedays, to be honest. not a lot seems inplausible, or unnlikely, and once one starts ruling things out... pah... boring

in otter news, I may have accidentially signed up to do a 5 KM run, next year, with a female lymphoma patient, who's on approx the same treatment at me, and at basically same stage in it, by pure coincidence... she's over in London I think.... - there's a bunch of us, randomly at that vaguely simular stages in our treatments; some just ending, and going into radiotherapy (and reporting back to the rest of us, with that yet to come), and exchanging nots on the sideaffects.... both the regular sideaffects, and the .... less normal .... ones and, generally chipping each other along, and, mainly, as per, it has to be said, me being silly and making them all laugh at the really stupid shit I get up too, during my treatment
anyhow... sh'..... she sort of... made me do it... and... she has done like running and stuff before (I may have done... like twenty years plus ago, but don't really recall it, TBH; we're talking school sports really, last time I did ... that sort of ... stuff), and... anyhow, we're all meeting up in London, some time in Autumn, when we think we'll all more or less be recovered enough from radiotherapy and chemo, to go get sossled in a bar somwehre.... - do I dare suggest the Pendrils oak to them? I think my running partner just wants.... to see my ribbons.
err.
no. that isn't a euphamism. really. for once

today's been a fun day of no energy. uncblocking kitchen sinks, no energy, nearly collapsing, and fainting, nearing an Addisonian crisis,/coma, and doing lodgers cleaning and washing up, and finally getting to eat, and thusly pop a few thousand drugs, and stop the... sort of nausea, which isn't nausea, or is... I dunno... and stop the fainting thinggy, for a bit...
plenty of coffee, followed by plenty of tea.

and... bleh bleh. they're pushign the dacarbazine into me way too fast.... I can taste it now too and smell it through my skin... as well as when I urinate

I ate half a dozen sausages with eggs numbering two, on toasted pain au levain, numbering four, for the late breakfast/lunch, , not sure what dinner will be.... probalby late now, as didn't get to wash up, clean kitchen, then steralise until late... had to keep taking breaks due to breathlessness and light headedness and stuff, so didn't get to eat and take drugs until 2 PM.... so guessing dinner maybe 7 or 8, and that's a bit early really; as I'll have to take more drugs then, esp the antibiotics that need to be with food, but don't want hydrocortisone too* late, or it screws my sleep even more than useual... but... that sort of needs food to balance its route, into my biochemistry I think...

guess i could just eat the other half of the sauges...... is twelve sausages a day overdoing it? I mean..... they're... sausages.... one can't have too much sausage, can one?

ouch.

Cool old Guy counting pancakes
"One can not have too much sausage perhaps too many is possible

I presume the overdose of suasage is way beyond your medical intake at the moment. Would take some care with the amount of salt, but as you drink some more then a little . . . do not bother, you know your body well enough not to overdo anything. "

- to William

Not a euphemism? Must have been a crushing disappointment!

Oh... I think I'm the crushing disapointment ATM... or have the potential to be... given how much weight I've put on




I'm a good boy/girl me. anyhow. really.... I'm .... starting to worry.... really..... Two .... in my life.... is.... certainly more than I can handle quite at the moment, in some regards and probably far more than my fair share afterall although... having said which... damnit... nope... I've really not got enough energy right now but.... come the autumn of course
and... and....

with my new found........ err....... tantric ..... non-sexual.... err..... sensuality and .... stuff.... (please please please say that isn't some really strange chemo side-affect, that'll just vanish its such.... a ..... neat... new..... thing

)

now sitting here........ cup of hot green tea..... wheat heat wrap on my tummy.... and had to give in and pop the first antinausea tablet... since... blimey... months back

and I had a reminder chat with my body.... ; I'm not doing nausea. no way

about to go cook pizza its been.... nearly 24 hours since I last had pizza and ... really.... its about all I've the energy to go cook now I think its five cheese pizza.... I could go all ..... cheesy... and add another two cheeses.... but.... yeh... maybe not

I don't really eat much salt; don't add it to anything, so only get it through foods I eat, that's its in;

in the way back way back, remember; end of January, when I got rushed into hospital with the grand-mal fit, that was put down to a low sodium level, thing, for ages and ages; I was on heavily restricted water intake, and doing trips every few days to GP to have bloods taken to measure my sodium, took ages to get it properly up to normal; then... they didn't quite kinda make sense to me.... I'm not sure if the grand-mal fit, was still sort of sodium related; as at about that point, they then started talking in terms of it being a Addisonian crisis, from having no cortisole ... err... cortisol in me blood....


They've still not figured that out right. I'm convinced, but sadly, my brain normally better than hospitals and GPs at making diagnosis, even with no direct access to blood results, or scans, isn't working well enough, the one time I need it to diagnose myself correctly. - sadly, half teh people I diagnose more correctly than the medical profesion end up dieing before the medical doctrs etc, catch up with my diagnosi.... like my good friend who died in teh way back when from complications of his diabetes, they didn't do anything about

Or, of course, my lodger, who got heart bipass surgery for endochrinology problems, unreleated to his heart, and who didn't need any heart surgery. I diagnosed that two years before he even made it to be an endochrinology patient, they just 'grabbed' onto one incorrect piece of infofmation and 'decided' it was heart', and so they wouldn't release him from that 'stream' until they'd done major surgery to him.... couple years later, they finally do some endo bloods, and pick the condition I said it was, years earlier, withinout my even having access to any biochem at the time.

which is a bit gauling now.... when I really wanna have my diagnostic skills working, as per, and ... my brains not working well enough to be able to even cook a proper meal

in otter news.... just took some hydrocortisone.... so must go make food, so I can pop some more antibiotics, onandrasone, and the .... one with no Braille.... err... dethametrexinate.... or soemthing I think...


I'm gona start rattling soon .... and not just from my chain mail handcuffs, or anklet! or collar... or... ahh... must try weigh myself wihtou all the metal work on later.... I might be plesently supprised at the differnce from the weight they tell me in clinic yeh.... screw the cancer nonsense... I'm more worried about my increasing belly size I'll never get back into my corset wearing at this rate... and that... purple satin corset.... its so due an outing.... oh..... wonder if I can still lace up tight in that... could be amusing to wear that to my final chemo... especially when I have to undo my shirt so they can access the port in my chest, to drop a line into me for delivering the drugs hmmm.... mind, I don't want them to get blood on it... that'd be a nightmare to get out of satin worried enough wehn I've got me purple silk shirt on, they'll get it on that hmmm.... - I'm not worring about the stuff, wtih this, that normal people do am I? pah... it was never gona be anything like normal mind.... not when its me

Right.... pizza then drugs!

It would have to be 2legs. I know of nobody else on the face of the Earth who would consider getting a sex change simply because they are a bit bored!

what? that isn't the main reason people have gender reasignment? - mind, 'being a bit boared' isn' the only reason....

just imagine.... if you will.... my later attending clinic, follow up... etc....

over to the oh-so familiar desk.... and the ever-delightful Andria.... and her purple hair.... and.... having to inform her I need to update a couple of my details..... yes.... 'sex', is now 'female', and my name has changed.... oh... come on... it'd be so epic

Oh. I'm still so not taking this stuff serious enough am I? really.... if its not about the giggles.... I'm not interested no more

ooo! important discovery.... coconut oil to the rescue once more - perfectly hidden the scent of the dacarbazine that was.... deciding to all-over scent my body as it... or a breakdown produt of it, i assume leaks out of my pores too reminasant of being in the chemo room recieving the infusion now.... all I need to do is discoer a suitably flavoured/scented food/drink to cover up its smell in my urine sort... of thing... that would... potentially I guess... affect one's stomach if ... one was so minded hmm... did just have to evoke the wheat heat wrap for another outing actually... along with more green tea, and snus, to hide the taste of dacabazine yeh... I so shouldn't probably be doing snus.... but... I won't tell my oncologist if you won't - I can't do 'being good' all the time... its too tiring

err... the entire... 'gender reasignment;... idea... thing... although born mainly out of extreme sillyness,,, is also... kinda... err... related to something that was in an earlier journal.. a... while back a.... somewhat well-hidden from the patient, err.... sideaffect one asssumes of the chemo drugs.... - eventually found some refernces to it in some oncology journals i've been using for 'light reading' well.... pah... maybe i'm due a change..... I'll need some new excitment and .... something post-chemo.... in a few weeks time... and radiotherapy looks quite dull and unexciting for me so... far... i don't even get the funky face-mask, as i've nothing to zap in my neck/chest oh... that's a good thing... right... but... having the mask to keep afterwards... that'd be kinda cool ooo! unless.... of course, I get some funky armpit/chest kinda mask/plate thing... oo! breast plate! I think I've forgotten how to do 'serious'

You can't forget something you've never known

Oh! cool... so I never really did serious before? I've kinda forgoten who I used to be.... the idea... I was always this... odd.... just... didn't seem very plausible but... seemingly, however implausable.... it is... maybe that ever was as I was, is ever as I is, even under seemingly differnt cicumstances and ... things

I still find my utter refusal to.... do some sensible stuff... relaly very amusing...

like this evening...

long long bath....

get out of the bath... OK... I've been in a boiling hot bath, ages... really steamy room... my balance is s shot at the best of times.... so I'm supprised, when I get out... on one foot, hodling my other leg, up drying it... and... its all a bit wobbly and... fally over -ish but... yeh... even as I'm doing it... grab a rail?/radiator? wall? pah... giving in, sod that... I wiggle about and balance on the one foot... because.... doing otterwise would be surrender

then... in bedroom... drying hair.... again... I'm fatigued.... sit down on bed? pah... I've got rock music playing I need to be standing up

Oh... eventually i surrdendered and sat down on the bed, to finish doing my hair.... but... then all manner other mental sillyness occurs... as every time I do that, sit down, drying my hair, on the bed, ATM... it immediatly reminds me of my Mum, when she was undergoing chemo, fro breast cancer... just some random image I've got in my head, her, drying her hair, on the edge of the bed, with the hairdryer... befor eshe lost all her hair and, of course, before she then died so... soemtimes seriousness does still creep up on me, when I least expect it

at least I discovered tonight, I can cover up the scent of the dacarbazine, using coconut oil and... my skin and nails have never been this damn good! and even if my hair... isn't quite as long as it was... or as thick... its definately coming back, even whilst chemo still continues, and its in fabulus condition, what is there

gona have a cuddle with my teddybear.... bee...

For the chemo effects I can only suggest eating asparagus.

Regarding the restraining mask for radiotherapy, I was quite disappointed when mine rather disintegrated after a few years. It wasn't even exposed to sunlight where I hung it on the wall (with an old pair of sunglasses run through it for effect).

In a more ... sensible way; I'm kinda happy not to have the face-masmk or neck one, as that means I've not had a whole bunch of lymphomas in the neck area, or indeed the large one in the middle of the chest, which is kinda common... and... somewhat less good than teh smiley version of cancer i went done got <laugh.

mind... some kinda breast-plate chainmaill thing might have been kinda cool... but I don't tthink they really happen

Went into town today, with William.

My energy was nice and high most of the day; spent a couple hours wondering in teh shops, mainly looking to no success at buying me a new pair of zip-up boots, yet again... seems no one sells them in this city anymore i mean... how difficult is it to get a pair of dark purple leather shiney zip up boots, with some decent bits o metal sork and buckles on them, to make em tight and able to be worn ... impossible, it turns out

Went into teh shop I use a lot, for hand-made cosmetics.

As we walked in, one of the girls who worked there cam over, asked how I was etc, and then did a mad dash to grab an item, when I mentioned it, returning saying she knew it was teh last one they had left

bought half a dozen bombs/bolistics, and some melts... then asked after one of teh seriously expensive.... moisturisers they do, which I'd been meaning to get in ages, mainly for my hands, as they've tasken suck a pasting, with teh constant hand washing, plus the damage I did when I couldn't feel heat with them at all, and the still more than often burning they're getting from cooking; partly due to lack of sensativity still, and partly due to lack of coordination, plus teh just chemical affecsts of the chemo, and stuff...

anyhow, she gave me a little display tub, so I tried some, and yeh... that kinda works... - I think she was a little taken back, not least that I had about half a dozen new burns, that I'd not yet moisturised up, ffom the breakfast I cooked this morning....

Anyhow, I said 'yes', to the bottle/jar of moisturiser, and she threw a new, unopened tub, into the basket, and then just vasnished

We eventually found, her, at the till.... and she'd only just started putting the items in, and stuff....

and so we paid.... and then walked out (needing fresh air by then; its a pretty heady scent in the shop, which is gorgeous for a while, but thanks to my bleuocine damaged lungs now, is getting me a bit short of breath soemtimes).

anyhow... walking out teh shop... we both... kinda realised at teh same time... that it didn't cost as much as we thought... well, I expected it to be more like a £50 haul not just under £40, err, ahang on, nah, it was like £20 soemthing actually, and should have been at least twice that, with teh moisturiser.

anyhow... got into teh open air (its kinda in an arcade bit), and so we just took some fresh air (well, OK, I told W to have a cig, and I sneakily had a bit of snus)

and, W looked in the bag....


and found teh note she'd put in for us.... she'd given me the seirously expensive hand cream - Oh I'm so past even onotcing that I'm just randomly crying tlike that now, standing in the street, in front of a department store window, next to a large BBQ display inside the shop
so kind... of her... and the note... awwww... beautiful.

went into a few more shoe shops on the way back towards mine, then picked up what actual food bits.... which was sod all really, some more bread, choc bars, and err.... coffee I think, oh, and a new tea; lemon and green tea.

which, apparetnly if I drink enough of it; seeps out of my pores and hides teh scent of teh dacarbazine... - for urinating I just hold my breath so I can't pick it up - not like I get it bad as some people, wehre just the smell of say, soemthing like alcohol hand gel, or steralising stuff, is enough to make em chuck... - afterall, I'm not doing vomiting, I decided that early on. do get some feelings of nausea, soemtimes, did earlier, just after W and I had a nap after shopping; but, internal scient shouting at my tummy, combined with some colar err, colour vistualisations err vistualisations is always, so far, touch wood, sufficient to make it stop. and, when not, tea, plus heat wrap, plus snus works well talk about self medication... tea truely is the strongest drugs known to mankind... maan honst...

Can't belive how kind the girl was in the shop... awww....

guess I oughta go bed... its late... aand I'm so tired...

cooked risotto again, for W and I tongiht... he was on tea making duties all evening, and provision of lap for me to curl up in duties

Cool old Guy in a shiny oil
"Glad we have some really nice people in shops too "

Oh. the staff in that shop in particular, are all so amazing.... true its obviously some big multinational thinggy, but they employ decet really well traied, itelliget staff, and get exactly what they deserve; really turned on, intelligent, lively engaged staff, who know everything about what they sell, use it, love it, and sell it, because they believe in it, and who, have the time to talk to ad get to know customers.

True enough, its the company's approach, in some ways that allows them to give free stuff away, but its the member of staff who kows me, ad William, who did it, in a intelliget ad loverly way; discovered more, earlier; as we fially upacked that bag;
basically i I bought about £20 worth of stufff, and have a bag, there with more than twi ce that in.... I hope the girl doesn't get in trubble, for her generosity!, thats a bit.... excelssive but every item thought though.... showing she'd been paying attention to all our conversations and sillyness in the shop , the last four months awww.... must do a seperate joirnal o it I think.

feel ill. didn't sleep last night. had one hours sleep so far, to catch up, after thirty hours non sleepig.

may try get up eat something more ow... getting hungry I think....

Cool old Guy missing some letters excessively
"So you could use some and your keyboard needs some extra "

I can't moan too much; taht' the laptop my lodger gave me... I think the 'n' is getting a bit stuck mind, my typing still ain't great; not helped; downstairs on this PC; this is such an ancient keyboard! its great and chucnky ... but... so hard work to type on... for teh sake of ten quid... I must pop into maplins if I can muster a trip that far... well, OK its not even that far away... but... I'm sure there are shops nearer in town that'll do a basic keyboard that'll work on the main PC betterer than this ancient fall-back emergency suppy thing not sure there's much I can do with the laptop keyboard though... that's partially due to my typing position I think, too, plus being so tired and fingers not working.... probably... 1 hours sleep no, in last.... err 43 hours... err... that can't be right... I think my maths is well wrong well, was awake for 24 hours by 9 AM today... slept an hour since then, I think... and its ... err... nah I can't work it out sleep would be so good occasionally... not greedy, just I dunno, four or five hours a week perhaps.teh