h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today at college, I'm not studying anything just yet, but I get free tea and coffee and I will, hopefully, be doing a diploma in Journalism soon, one of the people actually doing a course there produced, from amongst the other educational items, what I shall describe as a prosthetic.

It is a sculpted plastic aid for the instruction of the correct method of putting on a condom and they'd found it a few days earlier. My first reaction, and statement, was "It's a bit small." My second reaction was to think of all the fun that could be had with such a device, starting with just having it hanging out of you flies as you walk around like every thing's perfectly normal. I actually plan on doing something similar to one of the members of staff, but she's on holiday in greece at the moment.

Other amusing ideas included having the end poking out of your trouser pocket, having a woman do the poking out of the flies thing or attaching a piece of string and having the end dangle from the bottom of your trouser leg. It took me back to my days as a nursing student and fun with body parts and prosthetics, i.e. limbs, eyes etc.

I see you intend to w*rk hard then?

a long bread roll, make a great looking hot dog sticking out

If you REALLY want to get people talking have it poking out of the bottom of the leg of your trousers

or the back of your jeans/trousersthat would get looks

Oooh yeah, with some vacuum cleaner hose leading between my legs, from the front to the back like and then with t-shirt pulled down and "accidently" caught the wrong side of the prosthetic

However, nothing compare to "The Train Emptier", aka "coughing up a kidney", which me and a couple of med students did once. People move pretty fast after hearing the words "Oh my god he coughed up a kidney", especially in an enclosed space.

my kinda guy! bloody

(in the 70's)a mate, when we were out, used to drop to the floor shaking as in having a fit, we would just stand as passers by look worried, he then stood up and said in a loud voice - you can't beat having a quick spazand then just walked off, with folks jaws hitting the floor

You're a nutter!! But at least you only used the prsthetics for jokes and not real people or the real bodies the med students use for practicing.

there was a real kidney involved...not, admittedly, human, as if you're caught doing stuff like that with human organs, nowadays, you can get in a lot of trouble because of the health risks to the public. 20 years ago it would have been a human kidney though.

No respect for the dead then??

How can I put this...I've heard about the things Med students used to take home for use in pranks and jokes, a kidney is nothing. Also at that point the body is pretty well desecrated if that kind of thing bothers you. Borrowing one of the kidneys for a bit of fun won't make a hell of a lot of difference.

Yeah, but still. I've been told they have a memorial at the end of the year for the people who died. And you get to meet the relatives of the person whos bits you've been using to scare people with.

I will finally get to university! I've left my body to Leeds uni' I've had a laugh with it, so might as well carry on after

no funeral or anything(I'm an atheist)so no costs to me or my kids (tight! being a Yorkshireman)just back of a van and away

Oooo. Tight and athiest. What a combination. If you believed in an afterlife you could imagine watching them study you.

I don't believe in reincarnation, with my luck I'd come back as myself

Neither do I. Seems a bit unlikely really. I knbew a girl years ago who said she thought maybe God would reincarnate you to give you another chance and redeem yourself. But she couldn't really explain why no one could really remember past lives. If her theory was right, you'd be able to remember what mistakes you made last time.