h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Practically all of us have found ourselves
sitting in movie theaters, wishing that the
characters would avoid the pitfalls that the
writers seem determined to inflict on them.
Never works, of course. Without silly decisions
by major characters, the average movie would last
ten minutes.

But let's have some fun telling our favorite
characters what they should do (or not do) in
memorable movies we've seen. Use prose, poetry,
or anything else that will work.

I am going to use a limerick to try and
straighten out Bridget Jones:

Beware, Bridget Jones, for you'll find him
Unwilling to let others bind him.
In bed with your boss,
You're headed for loss;
He'll leaving burning Bridgets behind him.

To Janet Leigh in Psycho:-

There is a Holiday Inn half a mile up the road

Any vampire movie ever.

If you're going to stick stakes through their hearts - go to the graveyard at DAWN! no dusk. Tsk

Any vampire movie ever.

If you're going to stick stakes through their hearts - go to the graveyard at DAWN! not dusk. Tsk

Any Power Rangers style Japanese/American show or movie about giant robots fighting creatures that for some reason the bad guys can supersize - call up the robots and *SQUISH*!

Don't go into the basement!!! Yeesh. WHY do they always go into the basement? I hardly ever go into MINE, and there's no monster/vampire/murderer/ghost down there (at least, I don't think so!).




Thanks for letting me vent!



VCH

And if you do - turn the light ON!

...and carry something a little more serious than a candlestick! Or a flashlight!



vch

For all girls in black and white romantic comedies - that bloke you'll hate, you'll be in love by the end of the movie, so why not save time?

Females in movies, if you manage to get the gun from the bad guy in a scuffle and point it at him, when he approaches you and says "You won't shoot me, give me the gun", shoot him! Don't go all wobbly and let him take the gun off you before hitting you with it.

For God's sake lock up the car, or, if you don't, : check there's no one hiding in the back before you drive off.

It's no good telling them guns won't work when they're wet, though. (At least I don't see how they can) But, in films, they do anyway.

To all bad guys in any 90's American action movie.

ALWAYS SHOOT THE GUY WEARING THE VEST FIRST

...and also, point the gun somewhere in their general direction. Even if you do possess a heavy machine gun, it won't kill him unless you shoot the bullets at him!

there's no point shooting at the star of the film - he's got to stay alive till the end.

If a guy wearing a stripey jumper moves into your street MOVE!

If violins start playing long-drawn out notes or quivery music while you're walking along a dark street - watch out!

Don't play duets with left-handed banjo players

when run awaying from ppl - don't go UP the stairs.

hmm run = running