h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Windows? Don't talk to me about Windows.......

The following are new Windows messages that are under
consideration for the soon-to-be-released Windows 2000:

1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2. Enter any 11 digit prime number to continue.
3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play
another game?
9. Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)
10. This is a message from God Gates:
"Rebooting the world. Please log off."
11. To shut down your system, type "WIN"
12. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
14. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Reboot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL&PAPER.SYS)
20. User Error: Replace user.
21. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
22. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage Payment is Overdue...
23. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you
and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have
security?
24. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software
titles have been deleted. The police are on the way".

WINERR0011 : You are not allowed to get this errormessage. You will be fined. Resistance is futile...
WINERR0023 : This errormessage is reserved for future mistakes by our programmers.

BTW, LOL

What a way to end the day...sigh....

I've made this comment elsewhere (think it was one of the Murpy's Law forums) but just in case you missed it:

The estimated size of Windows 2000 varies between 25 and 40 MILLION lines of code. Lowest estimates Ive seen are 15 million, highest are 50 million+. As a rule of thumb, it is reckoned that there is 1 bug per 1000 lines of well-tested code. This means that Windows 2000 will contain at least 25 to 40 THOUSAND bugs of varying degrees of severity. And I don't know of any one who would describe Microsoft code as well-tested. So think of a large number and double it.

BTW I once read of some one who put a very silly error message into some software he was working on, on the grounds that that bit of code should never be executed. He rigorously tested the software, and 'proved' that this particular bit of code was never reached. The software was shipped to the customer who, within a comparatively short period, contacted the software company asking what the strange error message meant!

You don't surprise me in the least. There is already an error message in Windows : 'keyboard not found, press any key to continue', not to mention several Easter Eggs written by embittered Micros**t programmers.
It is ironic that Linux developers apologise when their new OS is larger, MS just charge you more money for a larger system.
Such is life. If you want to be the richest person in the world, never apologise.

These posts always get a little volumineous but maybe ya all think it's worth the while :


Alternative Windows95 slogans

Microsoft's ad slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" Here are alternative slogans for the bloated OS:

1.Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.
2.Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
3.Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.
4.Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
5.I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
6.I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.
7.My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.
8.Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [H]ell Yes!
9.Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
10.Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.


The Top 13 Suprising Nostradamus Predictions for the Year 2000

13.And the empire of the Great Nerd of the West shall crumble, when the thinking machines are destroyed by two millenniums of insects.

12.The Anti-Christ will lose in personal combat with a small purple purse-carrying being with a triangle on its head.

11.The Empire of the Right shall be led by a simpleton who knoweth not the spelling of the fruits of the earth.

10.Women will take fitness advice from a hyperactive frizzy-haired man of questionable heterosexuality.

9.A man made of wood will lead the great nation of the eagle.

8.Devastation, fire, sword, pillage befalls the Elephant and the two-faced cow known as Linda.

7.In a town known as Slidell, in a place called Louisiana, in a country designated the United States, there will be an eatery referred to as Taco Bell, that will eventually fill a drive-thru order correctly.

6.The one-gloved king of the land known as Pop will form an unholy union with a particularly naughty chimpanzee.

5.A child will repeatedly conquer death, and his name shall be Kenny.

4.Joy and happiness reign supreme as five billion people realize they'll never again have to listen to a much-despised song by an ex-Prince.

3.Cubs win! Cubs win! Cubs win!

2.A giant, fiery ball will drop from the skies onto the Square of Times in the New City of York, causing much screaming and shouting.

1.As the new millennium approaches, morons will cry out and hoard large quantities of food.

TM.

For more : http://www.bahnhof.se/~sk

What about a superdisk ?
I'm wondering if it's worth it ?
Anyone care to coment ?

May i suggest:
W2000 Newer and powerful Bugs

Did you know that 8" floppys are still in use! IBM use them to boot the operating systems of their mainframes (yes we still use mainframes). If you want another example of ancient technology still in use , the government of the UK still keeps the system software of it's MOD computers on punch cards because of the fear that the electromagnetic pulse from a atomic attack would wipe any magnetic media

The Floppy is dead.
We killed with the iMac. Apple is the future.
The web was made on an Apple Computer by Tim Berners Lee.
We have proof! Goto http://decweb.ethz.ch/WWW6/Plenary/berners-lee.html to learn more. NeXT is a subset of Apple. To find an awesome screen shot and reviews of NeXTSTEP go to http://junior.apk.net/~qc/os/index.html , it has some great screen shots, and useful information.

Apple, that's my company has decided to do away with the floppies for many reasons. They are: Ever tried to back ups with a floppy (I mean a series of floppies) with today's Hard Drive sizes. Just TRY backing up even a "small" drive. 4 Gig drive? That would be Hell. What about transferring files? There's the web. Floppies use more resources than a CD/DVD to produce, and hold less info. Just as the Web will soon kill all paper, so to must the floppy die to make room for more effective use of available resources.
Get a Mac from http://store.apple.com !

Just a small question, If apple is teh future how come no one wants it. The only reason any worthwhile establishment owns apples is because apple give away machines. As for homes, They're usually bought by people who don't know any better and then try to find teh "Hidden" Floppy drive or the people who felt that macs were always better (Hardware yes, software NO). I have to ask. As an Imac user, how do you get small files (JPEGS, GIFS quake2 skins (You do have quake don't you) To your friend next door. Answer teh same question but try to save money by NOT dialing up your web provider. Answer- Put the files on a floppy.

I've said it before and I'll probably say it again. Not everybody has or wants web access. Plus some people have old machines, so back-ups are less of a problem. And how many people want or need to back up an entire drive? Most of the stuff on my PC is on the CD or floppies it already came on. I only need to back-up individual files, which by themselves are quite small or can be zipped into a smallish file. Floppies are fine for my back-ups.

As for 'Get a Mac', the last time I looked (admittedly some years ago) Macs were more expensive than PCs and didn't have the range of software available that PCs did. So I think I'll stick with my PC, and my floppies, if it's all the same to you!

Ah, yes, the iMac! Great idea, integrating monitor and computer into one neat unit. Nice snazzy colours. One small question. What if the owner wants a different sized monitor to the one you supply? When I first bought my PC the standard monitor was 14", but I went for a 15" because it was easier to use. A year or so ago I upgraded to a 17". I don't know what size monitor you supply in the iMac, but I'll bet the upgrade isn't as easy as: unplug the old one, plug in the new one, sell or give away the old one!

As for 'killing off the floppy', no, you haven't. You may have killed it off for Macs, but every PC still has one and all the new PCs being sold still have them. So until Bill Gates and his followers bow to your infinitely superior wisdom, the floppy will not die. And, like it or not, you have to admit that there are far more PCs than Macs around!

As for who created the web, and on what, I don't suppose most people really care; they just use it on whatever comes to hand, be it PC, Mac, Sun ... Sorry, but you're preaching to an audience that, by and large, doesn't want to be converted.

I entirely agree but apple have never really liked allowing users to choose their own Monitors. Have you had any postings by some bloke calling you a Fool yet. Check out my researcher home page.

No, I haven't had the pleasure of Steve Jobs calling me a fool yet, in spite of the fact that I have flatly contradicted him twice and questioned his company's judgement in merging the computer and monitor in the iMac. Had a quick look at his posting on your user page and I have to disagree with him - again. I am a PC user, but if you look at any of my postings to h2g2 you should find that the grammar and spelling are correct. Maybe I am a perfectionist, maybe I'm anally retentive, I just like things to be that way! And I'm willing to bet that there are some Mac users out there whose postings don't have correct spelling or punctuation.

That said, I don't support Bill Gates or his works. I have made several postings to assorted forums giving my opinion of Microsoft bloatware. The only Microsoft software I have on my home PC is the operating system. Unfortunately this might have to change, as I am a software contractor (i.e., freelance to the uninitiated) and I may need to get Visual Studio if I ever need to work from home.

I use a PC at work and a Mac at home - the only time I ever use floppies is for booting up the pc for maintenance reasons. Many data files and programs are nowadays usually too big for a single floppy, so why bother ?

Backup of critical personal files is by sending a copy to one of several free email accounts.

Why on earth do you use a PC at work and a Mac at home?!?

I did had our friendly maci caling me names - but I guess I deserve it. Try the first link at my page to see what I'm talking about.

If you are still debating the IMAC vs. Windows(I'm talking operatingsystems here, not hardware), you might find yourself obsolete within a couple of years. According to the latest surveys Windows still has over 70 percent marketshare, Linux is second with 17(yes seventeen) percent and the Macstuff comes third...the rest doesn't really count at the personal computer-level.

Oh and you might want to check out www.transmeta.com and view the source of the index-page. There's a nice hidden message there from Linus T...

Me, I work with AS/400s professionally and that is one of the few OperatingSystems that comply to My First Rule of OS-definitions :

An operating System should ALWAYS be more stable than the applications running on it.

TM.