h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I shouldn't be typing this.
There's no point, because I don't exist. Neither does anyone else here. There's nobody to read this, and I'm not actually typing this, so why am I (not) bothering. I must be insane, which I would be if I did exist, but I don't, for imagining that I did exist, which I don't, in which case I'm not typing this, so what isn't the point.
My non-existent head hurts.

Leia I'm still of the opinion that the only reason we are here is love and failing that Sex. the theory that we don't exist and are part of someones imagination is worrying I think someone ought to tell him that to think of all this he really should seek professional help.

Hey, all you non-existent people! Go to

http://www.h2g2.com/A85213

for absolutely no reason whatsoever, except to keep your non-existent minds occupied.

i would get professional help except that the professional dosen't exist either.

But what was it that originally said the population of the universe was none? It was the original Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Mach One, which ceased to exist when Mach Two ruffled its feathers and destroyed the universe that everyone in the first five books had up until that time taken for granted. So since it no longer exists and the universe was in fact replaced by something even more impossible to understand, we don't have to pay any attention to it.

I don't know about you but I exist. Perhaps all the rest of you are here merely to do my bidding. So hop to it! Go off and do my bidding! I don't know what my bidding is but there certaintly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. There ya go. There's a nice bunch of mindless jerks who'll have me up against the wall when the revolution comes...

Waitaminute!

actually the "population: none" bit came from the bbc tv mini series. i highly recomend it it has many elements of the books (up to the resturant at the end of the universe) and parts of the original radio script. pluse the cheese computer graphics ar funny as all get out. besides, the mock 2 must have all the data which made up the mock 1 (which would include the intro.) and as ford said himself, there are an infinant number of paralell universes, some quite different, some almost exactly alike except for maybe a tree somewhere in the amazon that grew an extra leaf on it but otherwise exactly the same as ours. given that, there must be an infinant number of guides so at least 1/2 of them must be of mock one or even earlier.

Well, actually, the 'Population - None', according to the book (and the TV series) was copied off the back of a packet of breakfast cereal by one of the researchers, and embroidered with a few footnotes to prevent being sued.

true but then a copy was sent back in time and the editor sued the company for the same charges.

Will someone please tell me why my legs are floating off into the sunset?

And whoever's turning into a badger, stop it!

I think your legs are trying to run away from your body.

Who the hell is turning into a badger???

It's not me, I think badgers are a bit too smug.
They think they're better than penguins just because they can fly.

badgers!!!! we don't need no stinking badgers!!!!
true there aviation skills give them a smug attitude but you have to admit they do look pritty gracefull when the swoop down and gnaw the leg off a wild naguahide before it goes in for the kill.

I would just like to take this moment, in order to add some sense of mystery to this conversation, to point out that someone in this thread has just been turned into a badger.

This fact may safely be made the subject of suspense since it has no bearing on the conversation whatsoever.

Snuffle. (Or whatever noise badgers make...)

i think the go "flutter...flutter...flutter...thud.....damn." oh, wait, that's my trying to fall and miss the ground.

We are here because wherever we are is 'here'. for instance if you were there you still call it 'here'.


Or something.

no. if i was there i would still be there and you would be here. unless it looks like we're having a good time over there and you fee lleft out and come over here, or was that there....wait a minute, where are we now?

Here. Or there.

probably there, actually.

Good page, Marvin. Don't panic. the paranoid android is neither gone nor forgotten.