h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If a dog were your teacher, you would learn stuff like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practise obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout....
Run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, and sit close by and nuzzle them gently.





Of course cats do it better...

I thought the last line was going to be something about licking your testicles when you're bored.

Or:
Sniffing is the best way to get to know someone.

If they feed you right and you get to sleep inside, then all the other crap they pull on you is small stuff.

Always check out another dog's poop or barf to see if their digestive system missed any good bits....

But I don't have any McKay.

Hmmm.

That's one thing about sick dogs tonsil - at least they clean up after themselves.

Unless they are trying to improve the pattern on the carpet...

Get a Labrador - stupid beasts eat anything at all - sick, poo, slug pellets, cucumber, paint. They don't care.

I've got a little red thing with a curly tail that does that, too.
Walnut shells, stickle burrs, book bindings, electrical cords... plugged-in electrical cords... guitar strings...

You know those chilli powder and tabasco sandwiches they tell you to leave on the worktop to teach the labrador to stop nicking food? Mine ate it and asked if there was any more.

I've found summat the collie won't eat. Lettuce. She looked at me as though I was mad and stalked off in a huff.