h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Every little helps.

think I'd sooner drink the cold tea and whiskey before the morning after and pass on the washing up liquid, if its all the same to you plaguesville.

After all... it doesn't do to mix ones drinks too much!



(And the way things have been for me versus the DLA lately, banging ones head against a brick wall has become almost compulsory enjoyment! But its lovely when it stops, I can tell you)

banging heads on walls??? not a good idea. makes all your hair fall out (thats my excuse anyway, too many years of Saxon, Iron Maiden and AC/DC concerts).

Actually I found it was the man from the DLA that banged his head against the wall.

Considering the nasty things he said about me I'm beginning to hope the damage was permanent

Come to think of it he didn't have much hair.

Ev, you know you said depression was a reason? Should I tell them about the panic attacks I have if I have to talk to people on my own?

Like the man said... every little helps. Pile on the agony girl!



(If needs be, make em so depressed they'll give you what you what just so's they can cheer up) And get everything you tell them corroberated by your GP - which means telling him/her, too)

Think I should write her a 12 page letter detailing all my symptoms?

(Wish I could get Hubby to take HIS symptoms in. Don't like the chest pains or the extreme jumpiness at all)

The peasants are really getting to him lately. Hope he doesn't lose his head over it.

(I'll get me cloak shall I?)

What worries me is the fact that a lot of people believed this...

http://www.commsdesign.com/news/tech_beat/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=18200693


I do like the thought of a "ventrilo-phone" that can "throw" the user's voice into inanimate objects, unsuspecting bystanders or passing poodles though


Not to mention the fact that Prophy-Lectric hopes to crack the U.S. market with a modified version, the Chastity 3000, by next year. The U.S. version will include — just before the activation of the "sound cone" — a pre-recorded appeal for sexual abstinence, set to religious music...



"Obviously," said Gliebman, "our dream partner would be Siemens."

Paddy, the famous Irishman is driving home after downing a few at the
local pub.

He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle
of the road.

He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realises that there is yet
another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that
his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car
to a stop. The Garda approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing.

Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops
him mid sentence and says,

Fer Chris' sakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"

As the Ryanair plane approached Dublin number 1 runway, the control tower heard:

PILOT - Bejasus will ya look how shart dat runway is?

CO-PILOT Yer nat kiddin, Paddy

PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Seamus !

CO-PILOT - Yer nat kiddin, Paddy !!

PILOT - Right, Seamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse !!

CO-PILOT - Roight, I'll do dat !!

PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down !!

CO-PILOT - Roight, I'll do dat, too !!

PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy
Mudder a Gad !!!

CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.

So, as the wheels hit the ground, Seamus put the engines in reverse,
put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to
the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres
squealed, and there was smoke everywhere, but, to the relief of all the
passengers, and, not least of all, Paddy and Seamus, the aircraft came
to a stop but a few meters from the end of the runway!!!

As Paddy and Seamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure, Paddy
looked out of the window and said to Seamus, "Dat has gat ta be de
shartist runway in de world!"

Seamus replied, "Yes, but da ya see how wide it is?"

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic, turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

Whatever you're on... can I have some? Please?

And me!

UG

Hello UG didja get my email?

Tell me about diazepam please folks.

An anti depressant, used primarilly for muscle relaxant purposes in smallish dosages, and to zombiefy the awkward in bigger doses. How much did YOU get!!!

Personally, I found it to be totally ineffective - neither did I get addicted, not suffer any side effects that I was aware of. The phrase (for me, anyway) was "Useful as an udder on a bull" Its usually the first one they try for pain relief when the codine based stuff or NSAIDS arn't acceptable. What I'd call a nice conventional try. But then I'm a cynic.

Others, of course, may have had different experiences.