h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think I'd be pretty content to find a winning lottery ticket and one good man. That should do it for me.

good man.

contradiction in terms.

Yeah...the one thing I want for Christmas -- above all material things -- is, admittedly, at times a self-centered jerk who is undoubtedly better off without me (and I without him). But isn't part of Christmas wanting wonder and love and minor miracles?

Oh dear!

I said GOOD--not perfect!
But, I guess the reason I still believe there is a good one out there is that I don't settle for anything less. I figure if I exist, there must be a man somewhere, enough like me to suit me. And I'm willing to take the time to wait for him, even if I do get kinda testy, at times. This celibacy thing can be wearing!

Ohhhhhhhh SANTA....
Are you listening???

Hey...if Santa listens, put a good word in for me?

Aye. And me too! Put me in for a good woman.

I'd like a bad man. But I'm kinky like that.

Well, I'd like to find world peace, a cure for all diseases, and an end to hatred in my stocking.

*looks around unsuccessfully for a bucket, throws up in a fancy sock and pins it up above the fireplace

Was that bad enough?

...did I forget to mention the inflatable sheep?

Inflatable sheep are always interesting.

I'm not an emetophiliac, so it was unpleasant, rather than bad.

OK, OK.

*places small bomb in the sock and awaits the diced carrot shrapnel*

How's that?

No?

*fills inflatable sheep with itching powder, mainly because he can't bear the thought of using razor blades*

I guess I'll never make it.

Well mina, I suppose I could be your bad man if you'll be my bad woman.

That sounds like a fair deal.

::grabs her butt::