h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(Many people object to the Subject "LOL", as an acronym for Laughing Out Loud. In this particular instance, I actually did.)

Fantastic CowTipping Link!

I grew up in a farming area, and we didn't know about cow tipping. If we had, no doubt the kids from our village would have tried it, and I'd have likely been the one to get caught! My son, though - good kid, but a brat in his teens - learned all about it on a friend's dairy farm. It really does work, according to him. He thought it was pretty funny.

*plots evilly*

Wow, my ex-gf and I was at a RPG-festival where in one of the RPG´s we did there was a cow that had been slaughtered and laid on the ground, looking like somebody tipped it. One of the other ppl in the group said he had once tried some cow-tipping himself. Untill now I thought he was just kidding.

Moo

Mooooooo!
Yah, any animal that dumb deserves to be tipped over.


*tips cow over and runs out of room*
MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Cow's aren't nearly as dumb as sheep - or turkeys.

Why is it that everyone picks on cows? When my Dad was a teenager - way back in the distant past - he and his cohorts used to put horse harness on cows as a hallowe'en prank. This same bunch spent a whole night loosening every nut and bolt in a piece of farm machinery - a binder, as I remember the story, so that it fell to pieces when the farmer went to use it. They also took a wagon apart and put it back together on top of the curling rink. And I caught h*** for pushing over backhouses and putting potatoes on the exhaust pipes of tractors!!!

The cheerleaders at my high school went cow-tipping on weekends.

You haven't truly experienced a night of tipping unless you've been caught in the act...

Cow tipping, growing up Texas and having full knowledge of cattle towns I can say Cow-tipping is an urban legend. An urban legend is an idea of story that is accepted by mass amounts of people without and true basis. The guy who took LSD and then believed he turned into a glass of orange juice and screamed don't tip me over as the paramedics took hime away. You may not know him personally, but I bet you know someone who does. Just like no one here has ever really tipped a cow, but everyone knows someone who has..
The concept of cow-tipping was actually made popular by a the movie, Heathers: (1989) starring Winnona Ryder and Christian Slater. In the movie, the two idiot Jocks preformed this stunt for "Veronica" and the least popular "Heather." This movie did in fact inspire some people to emulate the action, leading to more cases of injury to the asailent that the intended victims.
Consider this, the average weight of a cow is 1,180 lbs. or 535 Kg. As such, it would take at least 5 strong men to push over one cow if they had a good running start and pressed in unison. The running start ruins any likely hood of any truth behind this "phenomenon." Cow have better hearing than you suspect, good luck sneaking up on a cow, even if it is sleeping. And cows tend to be very skitish, especially if they are in the open. A cow will wake if hears a twig crunch 50 yards away. And if startled, the likley hood of a cow, or local bull running you down and stomping you into paste is very high. One other note about cow-tipping, pushing over a 1,180 lbs cow, would most likely kill the beast. Watch sometime how gingerly a cow actually approaches the act of lying on its side.
So to those who have "actually" been cow tipping, please discribe to the very last detail how this amazing act was preformed. I've asked many self-proclaimed cow tippers to show me this miraculous event but have yet to find any who are brave enough to give me a preformance.
One fact I will attest to, some cows can be found sleeping standing up, and seeing this may have brought the idea of tipping to mind, but as I've stated before, the event itself is not likely to have occured to often, unless preformed on a cow who died standing, rigamortis hindering any chances from it's assailent. The closest we dared to get to a sleeping cow is outside the fence, buit close enough to aim and fire a slingshot or PVC pipe patato-cannon at the slumbering beasts. This was how we found enjoyment torturing cows.
Now tipping a sheep, well that's a whole different story.

Dear Mr. killjoy who knows to much about cows to be healthy,

In response to your rather angry protest about cow tipping, I have a tale to tell about cow tipping that will even impress the most hardcore cow tipping protester. To set the scene, it was a warm night in the summer of 1994, and i was visiting my cousins who lived all live on the outside of a small town in Kent, very close to the countryside. We had just finished watching the very same film , heathers, which you were talking about in you post which gave us the idea of going to tip some cows. You say that cows can hear a stick break from 50 yards? Well this may be true but one thing you must remember is that cows are vey, very stupid. When a cow hears the sound of some potential tippers he does not think 'There are some potenetial tippers, i must stop them,' he thinks, 'Shall i now do another dump or eat some more grass?' However, i can't help agreeing with you about the weight of cows. To get back to my story, after watching heathers we decided to embarck on our quest for a suitable cow to tip. We walked about 1 1/2 miles before coming to the nearest farm to find some and it was not much long before we found a field with cows. After evading the sophisticated instinctive cow tipper defenses of the cows ears, we attempted out first tip. As our angry friend hear tells us, this was not a very easy task. Now there was 5 of us there at the time, myself, two of my cousins and three of there friends, and we were, and still are, all big blokes, so our failure in tipping this cow came as a strong dissappointment to us especially as we had only a short while ago Winona Rider doing it. But we were determined to tip a cow. After three more attempts at tipping this cow, we assested all the cows in the field and picked a more smaller (but not a baby) cow. After for the second time in a row evading the sophisticated instinctive tipper defenses of this cows ears we were still unable to tip the smaller cow. But, as i have already said, it was porving harder than first thought. We were still determined so we came up with a plan and decided that a run up would be in order. We started at 50 meters but the cow barelky budged. 100 meters, the cow barely flintched. At this point we were getting pretty tired and worn out by the feats of our quests so we decided for one last attempt and making a cow, fall over. We chose a distance, 250 meters. We decided that the first 50 meters would be a quick jog, second 50 meters we would pick up the pace. The nest 100 meters would be a fast jog and the lass 50 meters an all out sprint and when impact with the cow came, we would twist our bodies so that we would crash into the cow with our right shoulders. So we walked 250 meters away from the cow, and put our plan into action. When impact with the cow came, she started to wobble. We could see that tipping was immenante so we quickly assisted the cow with losing her balance and bang, down she went. After initially being proud with our achievement whilst walking away from our victim we found while we no less than about 50 meters away from the fence that cows do not like being tipped. We heard a heavy stomping, turned around and ran as fast as we could to this fance to escape the angry, humiliated cow. We make it with seconds to spare. On our walk back to my cousins we reaslised that we may have evaded the sophisticated instinctive tipper defenses of the cows ears twice in a row, but we didn't escape the farmers tipper defensive systems. While we master minding our plan to tip a cow over, the farmer had been standing at the edge of the field the whole time, watching us degrade his beautifull cows. We knew this because on our way back, a land rover, with two flashing blue lights on the top stopped right next to us. The two police men inside said, 'Have you boys been cows tipping to night?' We were escorted to the station and stayed there for the rest of the night, FOR COW TIPPING!!! The nice farmer was kind enough not to prosecute.

Now do believe that this cow tipping 'fiasco' does actually happen? Or are you still going to badmouth the efforts of me and the many other tippers out there?

You attempted to push the same cow over 3 times before succeeding, and only then did it get angry with you? Or was it that your tried tipping 5 cows, again only tipping the 1 in 5 cows with a temper?
As for the farmer, he didn't escort the police officers who picked you up, perhaps to press charges (not only for tresspassing, but also for destruction of property, which is by the way, what you would have been brought in on. There is no such thing a arrest for cow-tipping.) Actually as a check your story, watch charges were brought against you? Of course, the farmers in my neck of the woods would have opened fire if they knew you were in their pasture. Of course most just use rock salt (which BTW hurts like a bitch) but none the less, most farmers are pretty protective of their livestock and if you are on their land, they have the right to shoot you with a lot more than rock salt.
I got shot once (not for the inane attempt at tipping-cows but) for harvesting psilocybin (I know it's a big word but I'm sure you can find it in your Oxford Dictionary) producing mushrooms. Which is why I have been around and know quite a bit about cows. Cows will attack you if they feel you pose a threat (or annoyance) so I find it hard to believe you just happened to find the 3 to 5 cows patient enough not to respond to your annoying attempts at pushing them over. Running at a cow is a very bad idea because this is taken as threat. Trying to push a cow will only cause them to move out of the way.
I also developed a higher than 1st grade comprehension of mathmatics.
"Now there was 5 of us there at the time, myself, two of my cousins and three of there friends,"
That would be 6 bright boy.
By the way, there were no bulls in this uni-sex pasture of yours? Because a bull would not have even wait for you to approach it, a bull approaches you and are generally used as watch dogs by most farmers. Maybe that's why there were no "baby cows" as you so eliquently put it.

1) I had obviously hit the wrong key when typing, which is obviously why there was a small mathematical problem.
2) Like i said, cows are stupid. Maybe the cows that you come into contact with are of higher intelligence, but these were your bog standard, grass eating, s**tting in a field all day long cows. Thats why they did not get angry when mearly attempting to push them over, because they are too stupid to realise what was about to happen.
3) Farmers in your county may be psycopaths, but in the civilised world everyone (including farmers) don't put walking into a field and shuving a cow over as a reason to shoot someone.
4) The farmer called the police because in England the police arrest white, as well as black people.
5) Whats you f*****g problem psyco? There only a bunch of stupid cows. Why don't you worry about something important like the hungry kiddies in Bosnia or the homless. My advice, go out, meet some women, f**k them instead of cows.
6) Accept it, there is such a thing as cow tipping.

1) I had obviously hit the wrong key when typing, which is obviously why there was a small mathematical problem.

It was only one of many mistakes you made. I thought I would point out your counting skills as a way to show the many holes in your story. In other words, your are full of s**t.

2) Like i said, cows are stupid. Maybe the cows that you come into contact with are of higher intelligence, but these were
your bog standard, grass eating, s**tting in a field all day long cows. Thats why they did not get angry when mearly
attempting to push them over, because they are too stupid to realise what was about to happen.

I don't know what kind of cows you have, you have me at a disadvantage there. I've heard about mad cow disease, maybe the "madness" made your cows vegetables. Here, the cows would definately take notice of being rammed into by 6 guys repeatedly. My doubts also stem from the fact that cow would feel threatened if the saw you running at them. They certainly wouldn't stand still while you pushed them, they would actually run. Are you sure these cows you assulted were breathing? I'm not a biologist, but I do know that pretty much every land animal in the world (cows included) will react if something is running at them.

3) Farmers in your county may be psycopaths, but in the civilised world everyone (including farmers) don't put walking into a
field and shuving a cow over as a reason to shoot someone.

In the civiliZed world, we have something called grammar. Try this, it sounds better and you don't sound like an idiot. "In the civilized world people, farmers included, do not open fire on trespassers and cow-tippers." The fact is, in America you have the right to protect your property. It's an American institution. One of the things our nation was founded on. If someone is proweling around in my back yard, I have the legal right to shoot them, as long as they are on my poperty. Farmers do not usually use live shot though. They use (as I mentioned before) rock salt. It hurts like a bitch but never kills. Farmers are use to kids roaming their property after night, whether it be to attempt cow tipping or to harvest hallucinogenic mushrooms.Maybe your farmers don't give a s**t about their investment. Maybe this is why your cattle is sick. I don't know what the farmers in your country are like. But if protecting your investment is not a high priority in England, then this would begin to explain why England has fallen so far on the economic ladder.

4) The farmer called the police because in England the police arrest white, as well as black people.

Really! Man white people here have it good. As a white man I'm free to shoot anyone I want and pick up bags of cash from the bank as if picking up the laundry. But those dirty blacks! I'm so glad we have the police to protect us cracker whities. And of course white people never get arrested in America. Are you kidding, have you seen those cells. White people get rashes really easy and that would be considered cruel and unusual punishment. NOTE: the preceding comment is meant as satire. Please do not take it seriously. White people get arrested in America too. Memebers of Congress are the only ones here that are above the law.

5) Whats you f*****g problem psyco? There only a bunch of stupid cows. Why don't you worry about something important
like the hungry kiddies in Bosnia or the homless. My advice, go out, meet some women, f**k them instead of cows.

My concern is not really about the well being of the cows. My original reply was simply the assertion that cow tipping (though conceivably possible) is not a likely occurence. The chance of success would take someone a lot smarter than you, to be sure. My point was also to show that most people who claim to have tipped a cow over are probably lying. Like your fine story. It would take a pretty gullible individual to lend any authenicity to your claim.
Hungry kids in Bosnia, homEless, in all honesty I really do care a lot. If you didn't make your wild assumptions then you would know that I'm building a half-way house for wayward teens. You are the one who's blown this who discussion way out of proportion and as you continue to make assumptions about where my worldy concerns lay, you continue to sound like a moron. "meet some women, f**k them instead of cows." One woman is enough for me thank you. And if you love someone, is it still f*****g? Because if not, then I'll have you know that I don't f**k. I have too much respect to make love to someone I don't care about. And as for f*****g cows... is that anything like the idiotic stereotype of your people f*****g sheep?
I have one request. Take sometime to cool down, smoke a cigarrete, take a walk, or something before you reply. If it's a debate you want, please give my a challenge. You're making this far to easy. Thank you.

What are you getting so p**sed off about? This page is full of comedians who come on this page to have a laugh. Why are you bringing cow politics into it? Relax guy, put your feet up. I agree with you up the point where you say that most people who claim to have been cow tipping are lying. I know from experiance that co tipping is not as much as an easy task as they make it seem on heathers, but there are a few of us who have tipped a cow, it happens. So chill out, smoke a ciggarete, have a beer and relax.

Oh and buy the way, in England (the country that oddly enought spawned the English language) we have different grammer and ways of spelling certain words than you Americans have.

And in both England AND America.....

Grammar is spelled grammer,
Prowling has no E at any point in the word,
Poperty is spelled property.

And finally, get your facts sraight. Britain has a stronger economy that the USA. Read any sort of economic website or any business newspaper and you will see that:
a) Britain has a higher export rate than the USA.
b) The pound is worth more than the American dollar.
c) There is more poverty in the USA than in Britain.
d) The American government does not have a national health service because it cannot offord to run one.

(Thanx for the sanity Dancer)

Any yankey redneck beer swiling piece trailer park trash that stands in my way shall be destroyed!!! (Now thats what i call sanity.)

who's in 4 a round of American Bashing?

I hear the patriot's a great film[!]

I say hammy, your not a yank are you?

lol no,
are you?