h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*As soon as the robot dies, a door in the far corner of the room squeaks open. Jim enters the room this way.*

Jim: I suppose you figgured out by now I wasn't an android the whole time, Minos. I'm not the host, either. But the host hired me to get rid of Stavro, and I'm sorry you had to be the one... but now that you're "dead", you and I can have a little bit of fun. You can either help me arrange the "deaths" of more androids -- and all the other guests /will/ be replaced by androids -- or I can let you go home. Just remember that once you go home, you never will know who I work for.

*KL looks at Stavro, grinning*

KL-Believe me when I say that I wouldn't miss it for the world. Any opportunity to have some fun behind the scenes is an opportunity that I'm going to take!

(it's Jim, not Stavro. Stavro is REALLY dead, remember?) Anyway... follow me. *Jim leads KL through many passage-ways to a large room which, through the use of a television camera mounted in the chandelier, monitors the sitting room. Smaller TV's show images of each guest's room. The cameras have been concealed in the ceilings.*

Now, here's where I watch the house from. My employer is down there somewhere, acting like one of the guests. Anyway, my instructions are that the Masque should die next, I just don't know who should do it. Not Garius, he's just killed you. If we have one person kill two people someone misses out on the fun.

And not Affy or Lil because, as you may have noticed, after "killing" someone the criminal soon becomes the victim. My employer has high hopes for Affy and Lil. Kind of like Sherlock Holmes and Miss Marple. So, who do you think is likely?

*Considers his options*

Well, let's see,...someone likely to kill the Masque would be Uncle Heavy. They've never cared much for each other, being on opposite ends of the legal spectrum, and I see little reason for why Uncle Heavy would refuse the mantle. What do you think?

Good show old boy! I just hope he replies. He hasn't been around in a little while. Nonetheless, I'll pop on over to the Masque's room to give him his replacement android. I want you to take these *hands KL a broadsword, a letter, and a pair of gloves* to Uncle Heavy's room. Following this map should lead you right to it. *hand KL a map, with Uncle Heavy's room clearly marked*. Put it all on the nightstand.



The letter KL will place will be similar to the one he found in his room before killing Stavro. It will read something like:

Uncle Heavy,
The Masque has been playing dumb. I know he's behind all the murders. He thinks he can even play Minos for a fool. Well, don't you let him get away with it. Tonight, while he's sleeping, use this broadsword to hack him in half!

Signed,
A Friend

Good evening, Lord Blackstone. I hope you weren't too shocked at this turn of affairs. At this point, you've got the choice between going home, and possibly never finding out the identity of my employer, or aiding me and the recently "deceased" Minos Krymla in finishing up this little game. We have several more "victims" left to deal with . . . I think Garius will need to be silenced. He did in poor old Minos, after all.

~Looks surprised to see Jim~

I thought you were... oh, I see, just like I was, saved by the android. Yes, I suppose I'll help you get Garius, if he is the one who did Minos in. Is Minos around here, too, then? I haven't seen him OR Affy about.

*laughs at Masque's surprise*

Yes, I'm alive. And I do work for the host, though even I was never told who that was, exactly. Only Stavro knew, and that's why he had to die a real death.

Here (hand's Masque a reed, a dart, and a map) use this map to get to Mew's room. Leave him the dart and the blow gun and write him a note (use his own paper on his desk). Say whatever you need to to make sure he uses them on Garius. He may put up a fight, because Pokémon don't use weapons. Convince him.

~Takes what Jim offered him~

Alright. I'll do what I can. I think I know how to do it, too...

~Red takes the things and goes off to Mew's room~

*When Robo-GL dies, a door in the back of his secret room slides open, and in steps Jim, very much alive*

Well done, my friend. And now I must give you a choice. Either join me... and the other "dead" guests in organizing this game... or go home. Remember, if you return home, you will never know the name of my employer.

*Jim may be winking at Garius, but then again, he may have dust in his eye*

I was hoping something like this might happen.

So, Jim, what's it all about? Who is behind all this? Who gets it next?

[On the screen showing the sitting room, Mew seems to stare directly to the left of the camera. After a moment, he decides something must have been his imagination, and he settles down on the mantlepiece]

Well, as I told everyone at dinner, it's one of the guests. I don't know exactly WHO, only Stavro did, and that's why he's the only one who has died a real death. All I have is a list of who needs to die, who needs to kill them, and what weapon they need to kill them with. As far as I personally know, YOU could be the killer.

The character of Jim has told Garius pretty much all he knows just now. This researcher knows his own identity of course, but the CHARACTER does not. The Character Lord Reflection is on vacation, and therefore this account is being controlled by the will of another character.

Ah yes , I suppose it could be me. Except that I am dead. Oh, um, well, I guess I'm not REALLY dead, though am I? Never mind.

~returning from earlier errand~

The death's are piling up, I see. Hey Jim, who's death do we orchestrate next?

Interesting choice of words, my friend. The next guest to die is Mew, and the next killer needs to be. . . Witty Moniker, with the Piano Wire. The tricky part will be convincing Mew that he needs to dissappear. I have no doubt that Witty will follow through, knowing as she does by now that all the guests are replaced by androids before their deaths. But Mew. . .

Masque, I'd like you to take this *hands Red the piano wire* and this *hands Red a letter* to Witty's room, which is marked on this map *hands Red a map.* Use the tunnels so as not to get lost.

Garius, if you would be so kind, take this android you built of Mew (it's wonderfull how well it hovers!), along with this remote control, to Mew's room. Use the stationery on his desk to compose a note that may convince him.



The note to Witty reads thus:

Ms. Moniker,
I hate to bring this to your attention, however, the adorable little Mew is not as adorable as he seems. He killed Garius Lupus. It appears as though he is not on the side of Justice as we thought, but rather on the side of evil.

I'm giving you the chance to right that wrong. Take this wire, hide it in your sleeve. And whenever you have a chance alone with Mew (perhaps you should allow him to go to his room first), take him by surprise and strangle him with it.

Signed,
A friend

[Mew, in conversation with the room at large, gestures with his left paw. This has nothing to do with anything, but it's just an excuse.]

Mew, you are not even IN this room... or if you are, I'd like to know how you got here.

[It's on the monitor, stupid.]

(Oh, sorry)