h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi! *waves*
Right now I’m on a borrowed laptop that my boss is lending me from work (when the accountant isn’t using it). There isn’t much wireless time on it now, but he’s going to get more for me tomorrow so I can spend longer on here. Sadly the hospital doesn’t have any rec room anymore. And I had to wait longer coz my boss was overseas on business. Though in the meantime, I did try to woo the little blonde nurse into bringing me one, but it didn’t work. I think I’ve lost my touch! (ok, so that’s if I ever had one…). Either that, or the tubes going up my nose were a Major turn-opff. However, I have since realised that she is a bit psychotic.

Ok, so this is the journal where I’m supposed to explain to everyone what happened.

Heck.

It’s going to be tough, but here goes anyway.

I did ask Providence (my sis who was by my side all the time and says hi to you all) to help me write it, since I was not exactly “there” at the time, and I got the info about the actual accident from the papers.

So, Friday, 15 December. As you know I needed to get back to Cape Town for work. I had been given the option of flying, or getting there myself. Now I don’t like going to a place and finding myself immobile with no form of transport, so naturally I opted to get myself there on my bike. And so I headed out.

At this point I’d like to tell everyone that I did keep my promises and I kept at the speed limit.

It was just about three hours later when I had just gone through Bethlehem when everything happened. For my part, all I saw was an upside-down car from the upper, oncoming highway. The rest I heard from Prov and the newspapers. Basically, according to the police, the driver of a speeding BMW pulling a trailer lost control on the DBN-bound highway, swerved across all the lanes and as it hit the barrier, it flipped over before falling down onto the lower highway. It didn’t exactly hit the road either, because I was in the way… The car hit my bike solidly across the front as it came down, and then the car behind me, not being able to do anything else, slammed into the back of me…
That left my bike in three parts, and me in a mess.
I was knocked out when the first car hit – in fact, I think I may actually have passed out already even, just when I saw it coming at me.

The speeding guy apparently crawled out the window of his wreck with a few scrapes and bruises. The police found him above the alcohol limit too. B@$T@RD!!!!!!!

The court ruled that he has to pay for my full medical bill, as well as my bike, and the other lady’s medical and car bills.

The ambulance took me and the other woman (from the car behind) to the nearest hospital, but as we arrived, I apparently had cardiac arrest. They restarted my heart with electro-shock treatment (thank god!). They called my family and once they felt my condition was stable enough, the ambulance brought me here to the Durban hospital.

The docter has told me enough times already that it was a miracle I had even survived the accident. When I saw the police photos later, I sat and cried. Even more miraculous was that I did not break any bones. (I drank all my milk when I was a kid ). My bike bore all the breakage. However, what did happen was that, in Provi’s words, my insides “kinda exploded”.
My stomach, left lung and large intestine ruptured from the double impact, and there as apparently a heck of a lot of internal bleeding. DBNHP immediately took me into theatre, but there wasn’t exactly much they could do for me. I do now have a smaller large intestine, if that makes sense. Apparently I wasn’t in there for long, then taken into ICU, where my heart decided again that enough’s enough. More electro-shock treatment. Worst part about that was hearing afterward that my parents were with me when the machine stopped beeping and Provi was outside. She said it felt like her own heart stopped when mine did. (Thank you Cal, more than you can imagine for looking after my little sis through that! )

Well as you know, shortly after, they declared me comatose and so it stayed for the next two weeks. Thank you so much to Provi for using her noggins and calling/smsing everyone in my cell phone phonebook, and thank you so much to Cal for letting everyone here know.

According to the docters, I was the noisiest comatose patient they’d had in a long time. As Cal told you, I was constantly being rushed back into ICU. The doc said I was not having a good sort of coma sleep, and that’s why I kept having seizures. Often they had to strap me down, because I got kinda violent That explains all my bruising and cuts and all.

And then I woke up in time for new year
I woke up screaming the first time – Prov said the docter explained to her that I had basically woken up exactly where I’d let off – at the accident. It was a horribly violent awakening and my heart looked out, thought damn, not again! And quit. (thank you Doc G for saving me AGAIN!!!). So once I was back, they sedated me and let me sleep it off.

Then I woke up nicely.

In the time that I was sleeping, I had been healing up quite nicely, save for my stomach that didn’t quite know what to do with itself. Because of this I was on intravenous feeding, but had lost such a lot of weight that I got a fright when I looked in the mirror. I was skin and bone only and doing anything hurt.
God, I knew I was underweight before, but now I had another 18kgs gone and I couldn’t handle it. And that’s just not cool for a guy, you know.

And they fed me soup. You know the grey stuff that has a strangely congealed surface and odd little bits floating around in it which blondie swore were mushrooms. (and to him who was having crispy duck that night! )
Anyway, a good few of my mates came over, those closer to me knowing that all I really wanted right then was steak in gravy, and hey presto! They brought me one! Randy and Paul should be in the smuggling business And I ate it and loved it and then hated it when I threw it up again 10 minutes later. But it was worth it! The 10 minutes of bliss it gave me more than made up for the 30 minutes of agony later. My tummy was not happy though, so soup it had to be

Because I was only on one meal a day (they kept me sedated so I was only awake in the evenings), they had to keep me on intravenous feeding, but they couldn’t afford to have me lose any more weight, so the docter told me he was going to put me on a catheter (you know where they shove tubes up your nose and force-feed you like that? )
Well that upset me horribly, and I decided I could look after myself better then the hospital could. I had it all planned out perfectly. In the late evenings, all the nurses in the ward went for tea together, leaving the corridor open for me to get out. And I did. Almost. Until the only person who I had told this ingenious plot to, which seemed harmless enough given that due to distance he wasn’t exactly able to fly from England to stop me, instead sent a hotline to my sister who in turn sent a hotline to her boyfriend who works in the hospital. Ahem ahem. So Gordon (the male nurse) comes running down the passage at me as I’m making my grand break-out, and I knew I couldn’t run faster, so I jumped out the window. And landed in the flowerbed of the carpark, right next to my sis who had race over and my doc who was about to leave. Well I tried, ok! Although I do realise I was being a complete idiot in fact and am really sorry to those I upset when I did that

For those who read love stories and have so learned about romances developing between patients and nurses/docters, here’s how mine went
I had several nurses – blondie for one (psycho!), some really butch woman *shudders*, and Gordon, my male nurse... However, before I even woke up, Providence had met him, ditched her boyfriend and run off with Gordon. And here I thought she was coming to see me

So anyway, I’m in C-ward (coma patients, people who are going to be there at least a month, etc) and this guy from D-ward mistakenly enters the ward. That was the day after I’d woken up when I was valiantly conquering the corridor to get to the big garden at the far end. He walked in, saw me and screamed. Ok, so I’ve been met with odd looks before and I know I looked shocking – no tan, ugly-skinny and my shock of black hair, so maybe I was frightening, but this was something I’m not used to! I didn’t realise he was from D-ward until the nurse told me afterward (which explained it), but he started trying to warn people that I am a zombie and want to take over the world and eat it, You do that, dude! D-ward is the “disturbed” ward...
I found it amusing though. Zombie, eh?

On an side note (bearing no relevance to this topic at all), I’m craving Jack Daniels. And I’m not allowed any alcohol for at least a month after I’m out of hospital!
And Roymondo, not for one minute did I doubt it would be JD! Thank you Roy – how was my hangover, by the way? and all my bits are in good working order, thanks </>

Right now, I’m trying to type and my ‘neighbour’ if I can call him that (the guy in the room next to me), is making such a damn noise again! I get fed up with him, because every second day or so he brings out his organ and plays with it and makes such an awful noise about it! Besides, if I were him, I would keep quiet coz I saw it the other day and it’s such a pisswilly little thing! Now I know what you dirty-minded people are thinking, but I’d just like to point out that he got a mouth-organ for Christmas, you know the one you play music on? – it’s not the one you’re thinking of right now!

My new bike is ready, by the way! After the court ruling, the other guy’s insurance had to get a move one, so now I have a brand-spanking-new Kawasaki ZX10 waiting for me!
Problems with insurance too is that they do not allow what they might see as ‘extras’, no matter how much someone may actually need them, especially when it is for someone who is not their client, but they still have to pay because of their client. Docter Garrod said that before I am allowed to leave, I had to have put on at absolute least 15kgs (20 preferably) and I must be on two proper meals a day. Well the tubes came out me on Tuesday when I reached the 15kg mark and in consequence I now have three meals a day Of course, the hospital needs to keep me here under observation until they are satisfied. Now observation is three days and the insurance knows this, so no matter how much Docter G is trying to convince them that I do need to stay for longer, the insurance will not accept the extra cost. It worries me too, because I know it’s not good for me to leave, but there’s nothing that can be done about it. Up side of that is that I’m out of here this weekend!
They will be keeping me under external observation for a month, so I will have to go in for two checkups a day. That’s good by me. Prov said she’s coming to stay with me for that month anyway, so I will be looked after.

I read Cal’s journal... You guys are so amazing. I actually don’t know what to say, but thank you so so so much! And even the people that I don’t know – for you to give your support was so kind of you. And thank you all for the angels. I thought that was so beautiful. And thank you Prov for being there. And thank you especially to Cal for being there for Prov when I was out cold, being there for me and keeping me smiling, sorting my head out, saving my life when I was being an idiot, keeping you guys informed and just being himself Hunny, if my tree was big enough, I’d put you on there too – you’re an angel And I’m sure if I look amongst Prov’s stuff I can find you a pink bow with little silver polka dots

Raven, hi, hope you're feeling ok. It is so good to hear from you I can't even tell you! I was so relieved when Cal told me you were ok. Judging by this journal you're feeling better, you sound like you've got your sense of humour intact at least. The road to recovery is ahead, good luck and you have my best wishes. Love you man!

It's great to have you back with us again, Cal and your sis did wonders keeping up up to date with your progress over Christmas

Again it's great to have you back with us

I don't know about anyone else, but I've just cried my eyes out reading that (tears of pure joy, though)

I know you don't know me at all, but I was so upset to hear of a fellow traveller being injured I just had to send my hopes and good vibes to you.

Wishing you a speedy and excellent recovery

Maggie, Marple, Stockport, England

*keeps rubbing her crystal angel*

That was some adventure, hunny.

Welcome back, you have been very much missed



lil xx

Welcome back and keep up with the recovery
You know here in the UK Ravens are protected, looks like you are to eh!

Finally read it! Cripes, crivvens etc. Not a good way to spend a coupla' weeks!

Hi Raven, you don't know me but I'm one of Cal's RL friends yes I know he really does have RL friends *giggles*

Anyhoo just wanted to let you know it's great that you are on the road to recovery, many hugs, kisses and bags full of good luck

I'm another of those interweb weirdos you've never spoken to

Very glad to see this story has a happy ending though and wish you a speedy recovery, go easy though eh?

Yet another one you've never spoken to, here, but I'm so glad that you're okay. Well done for having the whole of hootoo talking about you - it was a distraction rom the other topic of the moment, which seems to be homosexuality and god

Simply, great happiness to see you back among us, my friend.

Thank you all so much

Raven!! Go and rest!!!


NOW!!!

*smiles sleepily*
I'm not fully awake yet at the moment.

Traveller in Time already running for five hours
"Good, now keep that state "

I think I'm going to nap or a while.

for a while