h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Have you seen the movie Legally Blonde, where Reese Witherspoon chases her high school boyfriend to law school at Harvard and makes all the stuffy intellectual-types nauseous with her over-the-top perkiness? Then, seemingly defeated, in a moment of the doldrums Reese goes for an emergency manicure to cheer herself up and pours her heart out to the dizzy manicurist who, of course, comiserates. Then the UPS guy comes in with a package and completely distracts the dizzy manicurist who can only gawk at the UPS guy because she's so infatuated and the connection between her brain and all other body function shuts down.....



I am such the manicurist and the UPS guy has just walked in.

I've been harboring this "crush" (gawd I feel like a juvenile!) for about 5 years now. It's been pretty manageable for the most part because we haven't worked together much and I've been content to fantasize from afar. But for the past year or so our paths cross much more often, providing me with endless opportunities to feel like a brainless idiot.

I'm pretty sure I can carry on a conversation with him - at least I've made attemts to participate when he stops by to chat. All the while in the back of my head is the little voice that screams "He knows! How can he not know! Am I blushing? I'm blushing! My cheeks are hot! He has to be able to see this! Gawd I'm so obvious! Stupid!! Of course he knows (but it's nice that he isn't avoiding me)... Why can't I act natural?! I wish I could stop smiling! Gawd I feel stupid!" So, of course, by the end of the conversation I've completely missed it and have no idea what I've said, but I'm pretty sure it was something stupid.

Shouldn't this go against natural law? I mean shouldn't we have to outgrow this at some point?

Like pimples. We shouldn't have to deal with pimples and wrinkles (not to mention gray hair) all at the same time. Maturity and adolescence should be two separate stages that don't overlap anywhere.

stupid!

Enjoy it broe Every once in a while I find myself in a similar situation - ie, being a 50 year-old teenager - and it's such a different feeling to when I actually was a teenager. Now I can sit back and look at myself and think 'This is so silly but it's kinda fun and isn't it great that this sort of thing still gets me like this'.

You will keep us updated on the goss, won't you

Yeah, it is different from actually being a teenager. The thought of enjoying my predicament hadn't even occurred to me. That might be the ticket.

I'm sure there will be nothing to update. Anyway, I'm off the hook for the next couple of months, because it'll be the end of the year before the person he covers for goes on vacation again.

The UPS guys around here are all in great shape. From all the exercise, I suppose. Our regular UPS guy is a gal, so we have to wait for her to go on vacation before we have anyone to ogle.

Our UPS guy isn't much to look at, so no problem there. The previous one, however............tall, dark and handsome and an incredible flirt!

I guess I don't order enough stuff to be delivered by UPS to know my UPS driver that well And since they all seem to be blokes anyway it doesn't really matter as far as I'm concerned

Now, about that woman from one of our local breweries who heaves kegs in and out of the back of her car

And to clear up any confusion should the subject ever arise again, my UPS guy isn't really a UPS guy. It was figurative.

But I do enjoy UPS guys, and there is a distribution warehouse between work and home so I frequently pass the local delivery trucks on the highway. This is very nice during the summer since they leave the doors open on the trucks and wear shorts... and their legs are at just the right height for admiring

My figurative UPS guy has nice legs too.

Gosho, of the drivers I pass it seems about a quarter of them are women (who also have nice legs but don't hold the same appeal), so you're not totally out of luck.

I mentioned in another thread a manager at work who has a '64 Mustang and that I want a ride in it. I was also going to mention in that post that some years ago I'd had a ride in '67 Corvette It was only a short ride, around a few blocks in the San Fernando valley, but it was fun.

The car was owned by a friend of a friend who also owned a taser and a pitbull and an impressive home gymnasium, and quite possibly a few guns too.

*She* was also a UPS driver