h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The weather is cold outside
and all I want to do is slip and slide.
So, let it snow, let it glow,
let it flow and let it blow.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
but the snowfalling is delightful.
My knees are knocking
as the cold is so shocking.

I play on the slides and swing
as I go and do my own thing.
I am going to grin and bear it
as I am aiming to keep myself healthy and fit.

Making snowmen is what I like best
in this wonderful snow fest.
Some may stay in
and play soulfully on their violin.

They don't know what they are missing
as some prefer cuddling and kissing.
But I prefer to play in the snow
as I watch the snow plough by the chateau.

Knees up Mother Brown.
Knees up Father Brown.
Under the table, they will go
wearing their favourite gown.

If I catch them bending,
I'll cut their aprons off.
Then they'll start ascending
to the clouds above.

Knees up, knees up,
when dancing the can-can.
Followed by a kitten and a pup,
around my old man's van.

Don't get the breeze up
when floating up in the sky.
Watching a salesman shouting out yup,
who's being presented with a blackberry pie.

There will be a total eclipse of the polar vortex.
It will be shown on the GFS midnight run.
They will be losing their reports and their specs
as they go to their Star Trek phasers that are set to stun.

Now and again the meteorologists get a bit lonely
as they are never coming around.
Because of the lack of boloney and mascarpone
lowering temperatures will cause frozen ground.

Now and then the meteorologists, get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of their tears.
They do all that is required even though they are uninspired
when facing their unexpected weather fears.

To cater for cats is a Sisyphus task
but harbours its own reward
to empty a litter box may be hard
on your nose but a bird or a mouse you can get
- and you don't even have to ask

the pheasant is present
and lives in the now
not in the future
nor in the past
it doesn't know how

wailing werewolves
baying at the full moon
as if there was a wake



awake is only me, though
because i'm not as full
i wail and wish i were ...

Homo Sapiens is the only species
known to ask questions
it knows it will never be able
to receive answers to.

Some of the individuals recognize this
and go on to spend their time
on something more constructive.

Others feel a strong need to invent
answers that make some kind of sense
to everything
and that they can live with
and that they can convince themselves of
the correctness of.

Some of these answers
involve an invisible friend,
often an elderly gentleman,
who lives in a place
they call heaven.

This can seem cute when kids do it
(but increasingly disturbing
if it goes on for more
than a few weeks or months.)

However, when adults do it,
it is considered
completely normal.

i feel so lonely
in this airlock
sans my towel

the vogon chanting
is unnerving
ev'ry vowel

(continued)

- - -


grunt for grunt
huff after puff
i've had enough

ears are sore
please open up
this airlock door

through empty space
without a sound
i then will race

April showers
Bring Mayflowers.
Mayflowers bring Pilgrims

Let us walk the talk
when listening to Bach.
Wearing a frilly frock
when walking around the loch.
We'll be drinking Riesling hock
when winding up the clock.

world situation
------------------------
if i plead insanity
i am by definition sane
indefinitely

my coat is in the wardrobe
my wardrobe ticket
is in the coat pocket

i cannot see the coat
i don't recall its number
the guardian is a vogon

i try to figure it all out
while sipping broken english
from cracked china

Finally, it has happened to me.
I have got so many superpowers.
I can wail like a banshee
and instantly grow native wildflowers.

I can run faster than light,
phase through solid objects and open vortex doorways.
I can also achieve flight
and rescue all the animal strays.

Meeting the right one; who's the one of my dreams.
The one who will show me true love.
I will be introduced to humourous memes
and antiques for my outdoor cove.

It's what I look at
when laughing at their jokes.
They love to chat about native bats
and wear long flowing cloaks.

Finally, they came along
to share my love of nature.
I have even written a folk song
and best ways to self-nuture.

Oh the weather out there is delightful.
As I watch the snow falling so quietly.
It is so serene, beautiful and peaceful
As I am in such awe of the frost decorated pine tree.

It is so wonderful walking through the snow.
As I watch folk building snowmen,
Whilst others are having snow fights in the meadow,
And others are hiding in their personal den.

I am so happy that the snow is not stopping
And it is getting heavier each minute of the day.
It has inspired me to go dancing and hopping
All the way to Henri�s parfait French cafe.