h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That would make more sense to me if I understood it, Baron

But I think I understand enough

Several years ago, the manager of my local Ameritrade branch told me that he kept all his passwords in a notebook that he carried with him. I took to doing that, and it has worked well for me. But Ameritrade was bought out by Charles Schwab. If they kept him on after the purchase, fine, but I don't know if they did. For what it's worth, they kept the branch he worked at. Anyway, he knew what he was doing, so I hope he can remember his new passwords at the new office

Gilbert Godfrey Goosegrease has a diet just for you.
It emphasizes celery, which takes hard work to chew,
And gives you lovely fiber with scanty calories,
So eat your fill. For seconds? Unsweetened cranberries.

For gourmet fare there's frogs' legs, a dish that's quite top-shelf.
The catch is this: you've got to go and catch the frogs yourself.
For snacking, there's pistachios. In great regard they're held,
But don't you go and buy them if they are already shelled.

He also offers natto, made of soybeans long fermented,
A powerhouse of protein, lots of vitamins presented.
In Tokyo it's really such a culinary star.
The Japanese just love it, and behold how thin they are.

It's a long time since I studied math.
I'm sure I went down the wrong path.
I ran some book groups
And jumped through some hoops,
And often incurred Zeus's wrath.

A lady named Ferris ran faster
Than anyone. No one ran past 'er,
Til one fateful day.
In her bathtub she lay.
Alas, it was Parisian plaster

And, did you get what you wanted in this, even so?
I did and I got a lot more that I ever dreamed of.
I have learned so much and learned how to grow.
I gained so much inspiration here and from above.

And what did you wanted?
To learn to cherish every moment of my life.
I overcome obstacles and never was undaunted.
Even when there were moments of worry and strife.

I have learned to call myself beloved
to feel myself beloved on earth.
I never had to feel that I need to approved
and that I learned how my inner joy came to birth.

Does anyone read what I write here?
Raise your hands if you in fact do.
Only three people will see this, I fear,
And that includes me and you

when years have gone by
you're smile lines and scar tissue
let the inside count

Bring me sunshine and a bottle of alcohol free wine.
Bring me laughter and a happy ever after.
Bring me garlic frankfurter sausages in a jar of brine.
Bring me a drafter who can build me a rafter.

Bring me sunshine in your smiles.
Bring me jokes and puns and Danish breakfast buns.
Bring me yourself to accompany me to the Shetland Isles.
Bring me Bajoran nuns who have phasers set to stun.

In this world where we live there should be more happiness.
So, why do not we go and visit the town of Aviemore.
Why not go and see the famous Nessie who lives in the Loch Ness.
We could then go and buy a few souvenirs at the Loch Ness centre store.

The Soul may not reach its goal
below this Sun.
But there are other Suns
besides this one.
And should all these Suns
one day go cold
yet source of life will spring
how eternally it sprung

Kang the Conqueror is dancing the Cancan
while the Ant-man's ants build a spaceship.
Kang has made a cunning and devious plan
as Loki, Sylvie and Mobius learn how to skip
Joined together when Scarlett Witch turns Vision into a human
which means that they can both have their own family
Vision ends up with having a quite realistic tan
who every week goes on a big grocery and clothing shopping spree.

my hearts not working the way that it should

my eye as a cataract, its not really to good

the towns like a madhouse, temp lights everywhere

weekend they fail, they dont really care so

detours on pavements to anywhere, you want to go

its on the green to go, but cars wont give us way

old people risk being hurt, its the same ever day

Sing to me only with mine eyes
and I will fall asleep.
I will appear you in disguise
as sheep who leap over a jeep.

I will pledge you with mine
deep devotion for you and your past.
As we walk down the path next to the river Tyne
as time speeds up as we try to keep steadfast.

I will leave a kiss on our loving cup.
And I'll never more ask for wine.
So let's come to visit our Labrador pup
and doth ask for a blood-wine drink divine.

The thirst that from the soul doth rise
with the might of Jove's nectar sip.
It appeared to me as an unexpected surprise
to find that I will join you on a sailing ship.

Ben Jonson spins in his grave, or not.
His poetry once was quite hot,
But nowadays, rap
Is all over the map,
And Jonson's work all is forgot

When the wintry winds start blowing
making everyone feel elated.
There will be happy faces glowing
that makes them highly motivated.

Frost and fog begins in October
that lasts the full 31 days.
It will last all through to November.
which will greatly amaze.

Then my eyes went Northwards to Scotland
for that is where my heart will be.
It was were everything is so grand
and that is where I will be truly free.

Aviemore, here I come
that is the best place in the land.
I will be banging on my drum
as a member of a Ceilidh band.

"Long ago,
The delicate tangles of his hair,
Covered the emptiness of my hand."

Would you like to hear it again?

"Long ago,
The delicate tangles of his hair,
Covered the emptiness of my hand."

Don't be vague
ask for Haig.
Don't be foggy
ask for a doggy.
Don't be misty
ask for another whisky.

When I'm on the steam train
and look out to see the landscape.
I'll be with my dear Great Dane
as I wrap yourself in a woollen cape.

The rain becomes a deluge, pouring down the window
of the train which makes it hard to see the passing view.
The temperature falls as the rain turns into snow
which I watch from the dining car as I eat beef ale stew.

After my meal, I will get ready for bed
in my cabin with my dear dog, Andy.
Andy has a meal too and is very well fed,
as I have my last drink a glass of brandy.

Did you ever see Yankees part
when they are on shore leave?
They have postcards from their sweetheart
that arrived by Hanukkah Eve.

When the sailing ship will soon be departing
as they sail back to New York once more.
There will be no more parting
when they are finally accepted by their mentor.

With a tear-dimmed eye they say goodbye
they will stay friends no doubt.
As they sigh for more ice cream and apple pie
as we walk to the bar for a pint of stout.

When the man on the pier waved at them
and shouts at them, let them clear.
Come and have a plum soaked in a glass of rum
and listen to a recital of the works of William Shakespeare.

I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.

But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.

(Bilbo Baggins, 24 December Third Age 3018)