h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Okay sign up here for your interviews and details of pay and conditions."

What a nice little h2g2 page Sultandude - it must have take ages to finish! (Don't tell me that you had nothing better to do with your time... )

Pay and conditions, hey? *Rubs her hands together gleefully*

Okay...How much will you pay me NOT to expose by body to the general public. Oh, and I'm a cxxp dancer too. I'm really NOT a pretty sight y'know!

"Hi Gwennie, we also have vacancies for greeters, hostess's/waitress's, cashier's, bartender's, cleaner's, DJ's, body-painters etc. None of these position's require bare body's, only pleasantness and a sense of humour, they also have great uniforms. Take your pick."

"BTW Thank's for the compliment."

Ooh! I've always wanted to wear a uniform, although my hubby says the only one that I'm ever likely to wear is a white bondage outfit in a padded cell... (Can't think what he's on about...)

Have I ever mentioned that the Hampshire Constabulary turned down the chance to employ me? They told me to come back when I had matured! (Their loss, hey? )

I don't know if I can stretch to being pleasant to punters though...In 1987, I was voted "Crabby Barmaid of the Year" by my employer's customers as I used to do a pretty mean impersonation of Basil Fawlty behind the bar and even had customers apologising for bothering me...

Don't you have any vacancies for a dysfunctional, middle-aged, hormonally challenged and extremely crabby female?

*Scratches her bum and looks hopeful*

"Cashier or book-keeper spring to mind, can you cook?"

greeters, hmmmmmmmm. hostesses or waitresses? hmmmmmmmmm. i might be interested...... what would i have to wear? and what are the benefits? sorry, i don't dance unless i'm really, really drunk, and it's not really a pretty sight. so, are you the 'dude' in the pic with the cake icing everywhere? oh! i almost forgot why i came here.... you seemed all excited about this fancy dress ball going on, and now you haven't even bothered to show :-( i thought maybe you weren't aware that it had started without you. hang on...... let me get you a link...... ..... ..... ... .. ah, yes, here it is- http://www.h2g2.com/F59196?thread=93656 see you there soon, and let me know about the job, hey?

Okay! Bookkeeping sounds fine! I promise not to embezzle any funds and the rumours about my previous conviction are totally false and I am not a friend of Nick Leason!

A fancy dress party, hey? Am I invited? *Looks hopeful*

" You've got the job Gwennie, I am aiming fot New Year's eve as the Grand Opening of ~h2g2 a go-go~ so we need to recruit as many dancers as possible, in virtual life you can be anybody you want so I'm sure we can get some more on board, can you help me on the recruiting drive?

Brolean- Yes that's me in the picture and the above is applicable, as for dress, the gretters and hostess's wear long silk dresses split up the side, very attractive."

How about Greebo - she's very good at dancing!

"Greebo's great! Anybody else? I'm just off to have a chat with go-go Dancing Queen."

HI! Well I finally got round to visiting you again, and like the work you've been doing on your page.

Have dumped the t-shirt and bought new thigh length boots

*Does a twirl to show off her new tasseled bikini and patent leather black thigh length boots*

What do you think? When so I start?

HI! Well I finally got round to visiting you again, and like the work you've been doing on your page.

Have dumped the t-shirt and bought new thigh length boots

*Does a twirl to show off her new tasseled bikini and patent leather black thigh length boots*

What do you think? When do I start?

"Come to my office and we'll have a chat!"

*sweeping around, looks at the seemingly empty office*

Halloooo! Anyone here?