h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, SATAN, what would your stance on cheese be? And perhaps we shouldn't be talking to you all, being that we are members of the Church of the True Brownie? But we must say, that your page is perhaps the most amusing we've seen in a long time. And we will leave YOU to guess what, exactly, we mean by we.

Would it be the Royal use of We? As in:

"Irregardless of your position as the Supreme Chief Executive Officer of Evil, Ltd., We think you're rather entertaining, and We are looking forward to more punishment of sinners, virgins, and tax collectors."

could be, could be. Or I could just be a bad case of MPD. Or maybe I consider myself a trinity...

*Glares darkly*

My stance on cheese is that it is a plague upon the world, the evil of evils, the poison of ages, the darkness of milk-related products, the blood of curdling, the food of the devils.

I like it.

You're my kind of fallen angel, Satan.

Perhaps you can devise a fiendish and violent punishment for the creators of processed American cheese, Velveeta, and Cheez Whiz. All of them are boils upon the face of the universe.

Not that boils are a bad thing from your standpoint.

yes, but boils must be properly managed. Really, if they were to be just randomly placed, calling someone a boil would be, well, not nearly as effective.
I think, Satan, you are an man of refined tastes. So, what is your cthonic choice of curdle?

Emmental, without a doubt. A good Swiss Emmental fondue, gently bubbling over the eternal fires of hell, and a nice bottle of red wine, is my ideal night in. Oh and a few souls to torture.

That sounds so romantic!

Of course, in a hellish sort of a way.

Oh, my. The devilish things one can do with fondue...