h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Been slaving over a hot oven all day. I started off with a trip to the local co-op this morning, for supplies. First task on return - get some bread dough fermenting. Second task - full English breakfast

After breakfast, get a recipe of home made Hobnobs ready to go in. Give the bread dough a second knead and transfer to a loaf tin to prove. Put the Hobnobs in about 15 minutes before the bread's ready, take the Hobnobs out and put the bread in. After the bread comes out put in a recipe of Melting Moments (recipe below). After they come out, put in a joint of pork. When they pork's cooked, put in a loaf tin filled with cider cake batter. While that's baking make an eight-egg Spanish tortilla.

Phew

I was going to make kedgeree too, but cobblers to that. I'm cream crackered.

By Jove, the Hobnobs are good Not too far off the real thing. I might put chocolate on some of them.

In such a hectic schedule something had to give. I forgot to cook the sausages that were supposed to go into the tortilla, and I forgot to add the parsley too. I'm sure it'll be fine without them. It's going to be breakfast all next week.

Melting Moments

Makes 20 - 24 biscuits.

Ingredients
150g/5oz self raising flour
75g/3oz caster sugar
40g/1½ oz lard (if you don’t want to use lard replace this with butter)
65g/2½ oz butter
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp vanilla extract
Desiccated coconut or rolled oats for rolling the biscuits in
Glace cherries for decoration

Method

Grease two baking trays with a little butter and pre-heat the oven to 435°F/180°C/gas mark 4.

In a bowl beat the butter, lard and sugar until very light and fluffy. Add the beaten egg and vanilla extract. With a spoon stir in the flour making sure it is well mixed. The mixture will be quite stiff [don't be fooled - it isn't. I have to use a disher to scoop it out and put it on the baking sheet].

Take a small amount (about a teaspoon full) and roll into balls with damp hands. Then roll each ball in the desiccated coconut or rolled oats and place onto the baking tray – leaving a gap between them as they will spread as they cook. Place a quarter of a glace cherry on top of each one flattening the ball slightly [quarter my Aunt Fanny - put a half cherry on it].

Place in the oven and bake for 10-15 minutes until golden brown.

They will be slightly fragile straight out of the oven so wait a few moments and when you are able to handle them move them onto a wire rack to cool. If they are not all eaten they can be stored in an airtight tin for about 5 days.

Today's cooking (after a trip to the co-op)...

One loaf of bread
Six Eccles cakes
One batch of Russian Imperial Stout ice cream
One batch of baked beans
One batch of kedgeree

And liver and bacon for me tea.

A relative day off compared to last Sunday

Today's list.

One batch of baked beans
One loaf of bread
One loaf of bread made with yeast from bottom of a cider tank (didn't rise too well)
One meatloaf made with the dubiously thawed and refrozen pork from the excursion a month or two back (if you don't hear from me for a few days... or ever, you'll know why)
One batch of cider ice cream (made with three bottles of cider reduced down to a syrup)
One recipe of Marathon slice http://theordinarycook.co.uk/2010/11/23/marathon-slice/

That last one is another that falls into the 'Lies, damn lies, statistics and recipes' category. There is no way on this earth that you can make the caramel layer with that much butter. In fact I ended up with several ounces of butter floating atop the caramel, which I've poured into a small jar and put into the fridge, possibly for the next time I have a crack at making this recipe, and I will because I love a Marathon bar. It could also do with some peanuts in the caramel.

I was going to open a jar of pasta sauce, add some extra tinned tomatoes and some sliced mushers, and make some fettucini, but bugger that for a game of soldiers.

I was also going to make chocolate marmalade biscuits. I may yet.

100g (4oz) softened butter
75g (3oz) light brown sugar
1 egg
3 tbsp marmalade
125g (5oz) plain flour
50g (2oz) ground almonds
25g (1oz) cocoa powder
2 tsp baking powder

Method

Beat the butter and the sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg and beat again until well combined. Stir in the marmalade. Add the flour, almonds, cocoa and baking powder and stir until it forms a stiff dough.

Place spoonfuls of the mixture onto a greased or non stick baking sheet (you will probably need two). Place in a preheated oven at 180°C, 350°C gas mark 4, or the baking oven of the Aga for 10-12 minutes until they are firm on the top. Leave to cool on the tin for a couple of minutes and then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Ooh, they smell rather good

That's four days since the pork. Should we be worrying?

Parrfers? Oh my goodness

No need to worry, I have a cast iron stomach And it turned out to be very tasty. In fact I'm eating some right now

I seem to have skipped a week. Last week's session wasn't quite as intense; maybe that's why. I made bread (naturally), a chicken and ham pie with a hot water crust, another brown butter cake (if that isn't mentioned here then it it must be in the 'Okay chaps, I'm going in' conversation), and some more Hobnobs, which didn't turn out too well - the mixture was too dry and they didn't spread properly. Still delicious though

This week: Bread, a huge lentil loaf and some more almond slices. What a slacker I'm turning into.

I also found some raw suet in the freezer cabinet at the co-op this morning and jumped on it with glee, remembering that I've also got a beef kidney in the freezer at home, but quite forgetting that the former Mrs Gosho sent me, last week, a box of goodies from a British shop in Dallas which included a Soreen malt loaf , a box of Bisto gravy powder (I can only find granules here in Austin)... and two boxes of Atora.

oh blimey, Malt loaf.

Oh and thanks for reminding me. Gruesome #1 is going to be in UK soon. She can bring me some (vegetarian)suet

We made malt loaf at school. I've still got all my books from Domestic Science, so I still have the recipe (somewhere). It was made using Ovaltine. Can you get that in the States?

I have a couple of recipes for malt loaf but none of them have ever come out like Soreen. Maybe Ovaltine is the missing ingredient. Not sure if I can get it here but an online British store probably has it.

Malt Loaf

Ingredients

Butter and oats, for the tin
100g wholemeal (or spelt) flour
250g strong white flour
¾ tsp salt
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp mixed spice
75g lard (or butter)
75g golden syrup
50g treacle
100g malt extract
75ml dark ale (or whisky)
1 egg
150g raisins (or prunes, chopped)

Method

Preheat the oven to 325°F/170°C (fan assisted)/gas mark 3. Butter a 2lb loaf tin and dust the inside with a handful of oats, if using. Measure the flours, salt, baking powder and spice into a mixing bowl, and rub it through your fingers to mix and remove any lumps.

In a saucepan, heat the lard, golden syrup, treacle, malt extract until the lard melts. Stir in the ale, egg and raisins, then pour into the dry ingredients and, using a wooden spoon, mix to a soft dough. Spoon and smooth into the tin, sprinkle a handful of oats on top, and bake for 35-45 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. Remove from the oven and leave in the tin until cold.

Malt Loaf

Ingredients

300g/11 oz mixed dried fruits
175g/6 oz malt extract
85g/3½ oz dark muscovado sugar
150ml/5 fl oz hot black tea
2 large eggs, beaten
250g/9 oz plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

Method

Makes 2 x 1lb loaves or 1 x 2lb loaf.

Grease the loaf tin(s). Cut a strip of greaseproof paper the same width as the tin and use it to line the base and ends.

Weigh the dried fruit, sugar and malt extract into a mixing bowl and pour over the hot tea. Stir well, cover and set aside to rest in a cool place for at least two hours or overnight. If you are in a hurry you can skip the resting phase and continue with the recipe but you may find that the fruit has a tendency to sink to the bottom of your loaf.

Pre-heat the oven to 300°F/150°C/gas mark 2

Add the beaten eggs to the fruit mixture and mix well. Sift the flour, baking powder and bicarbonate of soda together. Add to the fruit mix, stir well and pour the mixture into the prepared tin(s).

Bake the 1 lb loaves for 50 minutes (1 hour and 20 minutes for a 2lb loaf) until firm and well risen. A knife inserted into the centre of the cake should come out clean.

If you wish you can warm a tablespoon of malt extract in a bowl over hot water and use it to glaze the top of the still warm loaf. This will give it a glossy shine and a sticky texture.

Remove the malt loaf from the tin(s) and leave to cool on a wire rack.

Once it is completely cool it is best to wrap it and store it in an airtight container for a day or two as it gets even more sticky and delicious with keeping. Alternatively you can wrap it first in greaseproof paper and then in foil and freeze it at this stage. It will keep in the freezer for 3 – 4 months – leave it to defrost at room temperature overnight before eating.

Malted Fruit Teabread

Fruit loaves keep well and the flavour actually improves if they are kept for a day or two before eating. Malt is the raw material from which beer and malt whisky are made and it's this that makes this sticky cake particularly moreish. Serve thinly sliced and spread with butter.

Ingredients

225g (8 oz) self-raising flour
pinch of salt
30ml (2 tbsp) dark soft brown sugar
175g (6 oz) mixed dried fruit
30ml (2 tbsp) golden syrup
30ml (2 tbsp) malt extract
150ml (¼ pint) fresh milk

Method

1. Grease a 900 ml (2 pint) loaf tin and line the base and sides with greaseproof paper.

2. Put the syrup, malt extract and milk in a saucepan and heat gently until melted.

3. Put the flour, salt, sugar and fruit in a bowl and mix together. Make a well in the centre. Pour the syrup, malt and milk into the well then beat thoroughly together. Add a little extra milk, if necessary, to make a fairly sticky consistency.

4. Turn the mixture into the prepared tin and bake at 170‚°C (325‚°F) mark 3 for about 1 1/4 hours. Turn out and leave to cool on a wire rack. When completely cold, wrap in greaseproof paper and foil and store for 1 day before eating. Serve sliced, spread with butter. 450g/1lb plain flour ½ tsp baking powder ¼ tsp bicarbonate of soda a pinch of salt.

I've never found a malt-loaf recipe that makes it come out all dark and sticky like Soreen so I've given up trying

It's been too hot for much baking and/or cooking just lately. It is today too, really, but...

One loaf of bread
Chicken liver paté
A rice pudding
Refried beans

I was going to make some Eccles cakes until I realised I had no currants, and then saw the price of them at the co-op *Faints* ::THUD:: ©®

I didn't really intend this, especially since we're still in the mid 80s (and I'm kind of hung over It just sort of happened.

One loaf of bread.
One meatloaf.
One big pot of pumpkin and spinach soup.
One smaller pot of baked beans.
One brown butter cake (which is fast becoming my favourite cake and which I think I'll make in a few months for Christmas Day).

I really didn't intend this either, but I'm glad I did because it means I've got 90% of what I need to cook out of the way on my Saturday, and I'll be able to relax (mostly) tomorrow (my Sunday).

One loaf of bread
One batch of steak and kidney, bound for either a pie or a pud tomorrow
One pear and almond pudding cake (a la Hugh F-W)
One pot of pumpkin and spinach soup

And I haven't quite finished yet - I still need to put together one batch of cemitas before sliding them into the fridge to rest overnight.

I need a

I might add, by the way, that all the washing up is done (except for that which is in or on the stove, obviously), and prior to getting stuck in I made a trip to the shops.

Well done you. You've reminded me that I've got two packs of steak and kidney in the freezer which I can make up into a pie some time soon, when time gets short as Christmas creeps up on us.

One loaf of bread
One golden syrup loaf cake
One batch of pav bhaji masala (possibly the most fragrant thing I've ever made)
One batch of pav bhaji
One batch of tarka dahl

Plus whatever I'll be having for dinner tonight.

I'm determined to get an early start tomorrow. I still have to make the main curry, the rice, some bread rolls, some baked beans, walk down the street and buy some tea, and I really want to watch Terminator Genysis in the afternoon.