h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The First World War and Canada. - A1028116
Author: John - U225195

What do you think?

It strikes me as a little point-formy just now. Skeletal, bare-bones, outline, structure without ornament, meat without potatoes and gravy. But I very much want the subject to be covered, and I very much want it to be covered by someone other than me. I also very much wish some of those other Canadians that always rip into my entries would get over here to yours.

About your comment its "bare bonesedness", I need to briefly cover the subject. I would like to add more, but don't want to be accused of droning on.

What do you think of the general content?

Thanks for the comments,

Allan

Hello, John. And welcome from a fellow Canadian. Good work! The part that Canada played in *The War To End All Wars* is generally unknown outside of our country. It is an especially welcome article given the anniversaries of battles we fought there and the *current conflict*. Are you going to include some mentions of Ypres, The Somme, and especially Vimy Ridge? (Here's a helpful site you might want to link if it fits inhttp://www.vac-acc.gc.ca/general/sub.cfm?source=feature/85vimy

Keep up the good work!

the first major content point would be that you say there are four major factors and as near as I can count, you only list three.

OK, I changed it from four to three major factors - stop being so critical, lets hear some compliments!

By the way, I also added another section on the bottom about major Canadian battles - it's very brief, but I thought it might be informative for some wondering what the heck "Vimmy Ridge" is.

Thanks for the comments,

Allan

Wonderful amount of detail!






is that better?

actually, I just looked at your new bit on the "major Canadian battles" and I have to go back to critical mode. Not enough detail. I mean, just Vimy ridge could be a huge entry on its own. It's been an awfully influential bit of our history. Check out http://vimyridge.epsb.ca/main.htm Here's a quote from that programme's web page:

"It was at Vimy Ridge, France, during World War I that Canada shaped its
identity as a nation.

It was the first time that an all-Canadian group of soldiers from across our
country, representing many cultures, worked together in unison. Canada
was forever changed from a colony under British rule to a nation insistent
on its own place in the world.

The efforts of these Canadians bonded our country together and established
our nation as a world symbol of valour, honour and integrity."

seems to me it needs a bit more than you give it.

What I'm really saying is that you spend a lot of space on what caused the war, what happened in Canada, but there's not a lot of detail about what Canadians did when they actually got to the front. Plus, at one point you make it sound a little like the Americans waltzed in, elbowed everyone aside, and won the war, which I'm sure would upset a number of veterans on all sides (if there weren't so few of them left).

I'm not meaning this to be discouraging by any means although I'm sure it may seem that way. I really want to encourage you to give the battles the same worthy attention you've given the rest of the entry.

There, I included this gigantic piece about the vaunted "Battle of Vimy Ridge". (By the way I am correct in my spelling of Vimy, it only has one "m".

Are you happy now!!?*

Allan (feeling like a right about now.

I'm sorry you're feeling ish. Peer Review can be quite frustrating but stick with it; we really are just trying to help make the entry the best it can be. And if anybody makes a suggestion you don't agree with you have every right to ignore the suggestion.

You always make good suggestions - I have no reason to ignore them.
Do you have any more sugestions?

Thanks,

Allan

Not just now (except to use the tag around long passages quoted from other sources.

I'm in a bit of a rush: I have to get ready for real life.

I have added block things around the quote.

Do you have any other suggestions?

Thanks,

Allan

Thats a *very* rapid run-through of the league of nations, and rather over-looks Serbian nationalism - something that has once again led to the deaths of Canadian soldiers on a European battle-field. An irony that you may consider worth exploiting.

In adding details you've lost your narritive thread, for example - The Armistice gets a single sentence, in the middle of a paragraph and is mentioned again later as The Treaty of Versailles.

The quote on Vimy ridge is quite extensive, I think you would do better to re-write this in your own words, at the moment it comprises about 30% of the article.

I think this is a worthy article, but I also think it lacks structure.

I absolutely disagree with your spurious charges of my article "lacking structure". Put in context, everything is perfectly logical. I'm sure almost everyone else (aside from Otto, you opposes me for the sake of it) would agree that the article is clear and unambiguous; the quote on Vimy Ridge is an interesting add on at the end - nothing more.

I'm not going to dignify that last remark with a response.

I looked in on this entry to see how it was getting on, because it would be a great topic for the guide. However, the entry has now been hidden for breaching the house rules - presumably for plagarism / excessive quoting. Do I need a scout seconder to move this out of peer review? Could I have one anyway?

Allan, if you're still around, I hope you'll be able to continue to work on this and then submit it to peer review at a later date without the problem section.

I'll second it, shame though, it's an interesting title,and i was looking forward to reading it.

I feel a little bad about this; I was the one that suggested that more should be included about what the Canadian soldiers actually did in Europe. The entry had been pretty heavily concerned with the lead up to the war and events on the home front. And then suddenly there was this huge long quoted passage about Vimy Ridge (which I suspect lead to the hiding). It's really too bad.