h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: retinopathy of prematurity - A13573109
Author: tropicalrop - U2191707

i wrote an article on the 5th august about retinopathy of prematurity.
i would like to submit it for review.
hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for writing this, but I don't think there is really enough in it to make a proper Entry. Could you expand it a bit?

what else could i put in it?
course i will.
just tell me what you want me to do?

For starters, you need a better intro. Skip the personal stuff. Have you read any of the other entries on the site? They can give you an idea of what we're looking for.

An intro should include a brief overview of the disorder and what it is and how it manifests.

Then you start a new section about who it effects, go on to a paragraph detailing its ramifications.

Finally, end with something about treatments and future developments.



How does that sound?

Of course, you need some serious facts in there. You may have to do a drop of research to fill in the gaps. That happens no matter how much you know about your topic. Trust me.

okay thanks for the info.
so should i just start with the part about it?
sorry ii didn't do it right.
thanks for your help.
i'll go fix it.

It looks better, but the paragraphs aren't really paragraphs so much as strings of sentences. Put the sentences in a paragraph structure at least.

a few questions:
>>this causes chemicals to be released.<<
- what kind of chemicals?

>>these chemicals cause new vessels to grow.
these new vessels usually grow the wrong direction.<<
- what is a wrong direction?

>>doctors think that if a baby has to be put on oxygen at birth, this is toxic to the developing vessels.<<
- could you elaborate a drop?

>>ROP happens in 5 stages.
they are: in stage 1 and 2 the ROP usually goes away on it's own with no lasting effects.<<
-does that mean that if it doesn't evolve beyond stage 1 and 2 it'll go away? I assume the higher stages are more advanced stages of the disorder.
- So why would it ever stop at stage 1 or 2?

Otherwise, looking better.

what i mean is that stage 1 and 2 don't need treatment.
the other stages are more advanced.
i don't know what chemicals are released.
all i know is that they promote the growth of new blood vessels.
will try again.

But does a baby advance from stage 1 to stage 2,3,4,5? Meaning, can a baby be at stage 1 today, and at stage 3 in two weeks? Or are the stages just levels of severity: ie: this baby developed stage 1 while this baby dveloped stage 4?

Some spelling:
>>These new vessels usually grow the wrong direction. People are not really sure whhy this happens. <<
- usually grow in the wrong direction
- Doctors are not sure why this happens.

Looks much better.

okay.
one baby could have stage 5 while the other could have stage 1.
sometimes the treatment doesn't work.

So they're not really stage then, are they? Doctors call them stages?

Or can you arrest the disorder's development at stage 3 to prevent it reaching stage 5?

if it is treated in time it can be stopped.

OK, so maybe reword this adrop:
>>ROP happens in 5 stages. They are: in stage 1 and 2 the ROP usually goes away on it's own with no lasting effects. If it does not resolve, it can cause scar tissue to form which can pull the retina out of place. In stages 3 and 4 there is a partial detachment of the retina. Lazor surgery or cryotheropy (freezing the bad bits of the retina away) is required. In stage 5 there is a complete retinal detachment. If the retina is not reattached, the baby may be blind or visually impaired.<<

ROP happens in five stages. If arrested in stage one or two*, the ROP usually goes away on its own with no lasting effects. If it does not, it can cause scar tissue to form, which can pull the retina out of place. In stages three and four, there is a partial detachment of the retina. Lazor surgery or cryotherapy (freezing the damaged parts of the retina away) is necessary**. In stage five there is a complete retinal detachment. If the retina is not reattached, the baby may be blinded or visually impaired***.

OK, you can just copy and paste the rewrite, if it's accurate, but first the stars:
* alright, stage one or two will go away on its own, but what does it look like?
** can you give a few details about how that would help? I mean, does it reattach the retina? Or what?
*** for life? Can it ever be reattached by surgery later in life?

I'm afraid this appears to be too small an entry

No, not at all. Short is ok too.

hi tropicalrop

If you've lost interest in this Entry, perhaps you'd consider putting it in the h2g2 Flea Market where someone else might take it under their wing?

Over four months since the author has posted, propose a move to the Flea Market for this Entry

Matt

Seconded.