h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Your Mum is a nursery nurse? Oh good! That will be helpful. I shall stop with the advice dispensing forthwith.

I think actually, that the less contact you have with kids or people who know about kids, the more the books help a bit. My and B's parents are getting on a bit, and although some of my friends had kids, they lived a bit to far away to see often. My best friend had a kid before everyone else we know and she has bookshelves full of books.

I avoided trying to find out about milestones and avoided most baby manuals but picked up bits and pieces from here and there - quite liked some of the attachment parenting approach and in theory I am a positive parent although this morning when #1 was having a full on screeching tantrum you would never have guessed it, I do more shouting that I ought or want to.

You work it all out in the end, definitely by the time you have #2 , but Sol is right that some things that you expect to be natural and easy (like breastfeeding) turn out to be a bit tricky to master. With the letdown pain, count down from ten - if it still hurts when you get to zero then the latch is off or something else is up.

I liked breastfeeding, more for the convenience. I am the worlds laziest mummy (see also baby led weaning or 'get lost Annabel Karmel, I will never puree anything, ever') so would undoubtedly have starved or poisoned my children if I'd had to do bottles - it takes more organisation than I've got I did it for 13 months with #1 and 15 months with #2 - it definitely gets easier after the first 6 weeks or so.

The thing with boys, once they get a bit older, is that they are simple creatures - all you need to do is make sure they eat regularly, sleep enough (*hollow laugh*), and then run them like dogs until they drop. Also, no access to pens, paints or sudocrem (t'Other got hold of a pot (where from?! We don't use it any more!) and 'painted' the sofa bed with it, thank bob for washable covers but it took three goes through the wash to get the stuff off... unless you don't mind redecorating often

Since t'Boy started school a couple of weeks ago I have had the opportunity to spend time with my boys as individuals - turns out they are lovely on their own! It is just when they are together that I would happily lock them in the shed and lose the key...

Oh and weak arms? By his first birthday you'll be developing a power-lifter's biceps and forearms. It is inevitable

She isn't any more (she gave up when I was born), so I also have to remember that all her knowledge is quarter of a century out of date!

I have very little contact with kids at all. I have recently become an aunt, but they live the other side of the country. I don't have many friends that live nearby as I've moved around so much before settling here, and I'm the first to have a kid anyway.
I've joined a local aqua natal class and have certainly made one friend, and this is her second baby which helps. Hopefully as time goes on we'll pick up a few more. I also hope to attend the post-natal classes at the gym as well, more comraderie and support, but obviously I can't start attending them yet!

Advice is all useful. That previous post about breastfeeding is really useful, actually. It's something I know so little about (unsurprisingly) so knowing that it's supposed to hurt helps, because then I'm not worried I'm doing it wrong or something, that's just the way it goes.

Have you looked for an NCT group near you? They do (paid-for) antenatal classes. They are surprisingly expensive but I think it was the best hundred pounds I have ever spent in my life for the simple reason that I met other families in the same position as me. I now have a support network of other local mums whose kids are all doing the same sorts of things at the same sorts of times. I can't tell you how reassuring it is to suddenly notice that *all* the babies have those funny red milk spots and yours isn't a diseased freak. I actually think I would have lost the plot totally during t'Boy's reflux if it hadn't been for my nct friends.

We looked a couple of months ago, and there was absolutely nothing. There was one breastfeeding drop in class over in the next town (25 minutes away) but nothing here at all.

I did mention it to the midwife, and she said that in the next few weeks antenatal classes are something that she's scheduled to go into more detail with me, so I'm going to wait to see what she says.

Oh, do you remember what stage you got your maternity certificate from the doctor? I sort of assumed it would come out to me the way everything else has, but I need it before week 25 which means I only have a fortnight left. Do I need to request it? I have my NHS prescription exemption certificate but that's different, I think.

Kelli is right. Join all the ante natal classes you can! Esp the ones where there are the same gang who go each time and they live close by. I just did the hospital ones and that was a mistake as no one lived close and I never did manage to bond much with many of the local mums.

The NCT ones are (I gather) the best, because they do encourage keeping in touch. Anyway, again, what kelli said.

That said, I do think that too much focus on the birth process can be detrimental - that's why I didn't join the NCT classes. I think that there's a lot of focus these days on how you can control your own destiny with birthing, when in fact it's all in the lap of the gods, and that this raises people's expectations of what will happen too much. I don;t know anyone, for example, who successfully managed a home borth for their first child, and very few who managed one of those midwife led units. First births can be tricky. Not often very tricky with medical intervention though and this is very reassuring, but it can be quite tramatising to find the doctors swarming when you'd been planning to go it alone with candles or whatever.

Actually, I think kelli is definitely more qualified to talk on that point.

Is that the MatB1? I had to ring the GP and ask for it, and then collect it from the suregery. Mind you, everywhere is different in how they do all this stuff!

You need to ask for the cert specifically. I think the doctor can do it, so if you haven't got an antenatal appointment planned then just make an appointment with your GP. But the midwife can do it if you are going in anyway. They do tend to forget if not prodded though.

Or just phone, as kelli said.

I was going to do that but it's always to know that I'm not being a paranoid young mum I'm actually doing the right thing!

I was really disappointed when I couldn't find any antenatal classes nearby. It was something I was really looking forward to. I just hope that they are there but for some mystical reason they don't get posted on the internet and midwives are the Sole Information Conduit.

"Actually, I think kelli is definitely more qualified to talk on that point." I do try not to though

Yes, the actual information in the NCT classes can be a little bit idealistic although some are beter than others - it really is the group experience that was valuable. Look on the NCT website for Bumps and Babies coffee mornings near you if you can't do the classes.

The thing is, for all the preparation you can do, you don't really know what your birth is going to be like. First time round I was going to have an intervention-free waterbirth, well it didn't work out like that for me and I wished I had learned a bit more about what happens when you have a caesarian as there were suddenly 30 people in the room (wave goodbye to your dignity!), however just because it didn't work out for me doesn't mean it won't for you if that is what your want - two of my friends managed water births first time around (and both escaped without stitches) and I would still hope for that if available. One of those women had a water birth at home for #2.

If you haven't already looked on here for your local branch (even if they are not *that* local they will probably know what there is near you) then have a look for your area and drop the branch an email or give them a call: http://www.nct.org.uk/

Thankyou for poking me to check that link out. We did look at it, but at the time there was nothing there so I guess I was looking too early or something. There is a three-class course for potential parents, so I've signed up.

indeed.

And kelli is right about birthing. Whatever makes you comfortable. Stress, or at least adrenaline, depresses labour hormones, apparently, so that really is true. And homebirths are, if not two a penny, not really cutting edge, so they'll have their procedures well and truly tested by now, which I always think is a good thing. You just need a back up plan or five.

Oooooooh. While you are on the NCT website look for their next nearly new sale. They don't hold them that often - about three times a year, and so you'll probably want to go to the next one. Everybody ends up with far too much baby stuff so they are absolutely rammed with useful hardly used kit. Not just clothes, either.