h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

British people do not know how to use the Underground properly. So obsessed by this personal space nonsense are they that even at peak time rush hour they are insistent on maintaining that 18 inches of sacrosanct free air around them with, needless to say, disastrous results. This drives you nuts, of course, but at east it has lead to a new game. To whit: sidle up to someone who is blithely occupying the space of three people and watch them inch slowly away from you. And then observe their neighbor also move uneasily away. Then do it again. This way, you can get a whole carriage of people corralled at one end, and, incidentally, make room for at least another ten people to get on.

And take note people: letting travelers get off before you get on does NOT mean standing immediately in front of the doors and tutting as they are forced to actually brush you as they squeeze their way past. It also does not mean staying put on the inside either, and letting your fellow passengers climb over you as they scramble through the doors. ‘Course, coping with it the Russian way, by asking who is getting off and rearranging the people inside so that everyone who is is standing next to the doors at the relevant moment would actually involve a higher degree of cooperation than British people seem capable of, but overall it is amazing to you how foreigners can possibly complain that people push and shove on the metro after they put up with this day after day.

The only way to deal with this problem in a way which does not send your blood pressure soaring, you have found, is to not use the Underground at all. Which does appear to be working nicely, thank you.

And then there is the sandal thing.

Now admittedly this began as one of B’s frequent rumbles over the scruffiness of the great British public, but at one point there you thought that you had something. The difference between British women and Russian women, you mused, was that Russian women will take elegance over comfort any day, while the British woman will sacrifice almost anything to the god of sensible shoes and sloppy joes.

But then, given that the current fashion seems to be for glorified flip-flops that doesn’t seem to follow really does it? And flip-flops they jolly well are. A few sequins and a bit of tinsel do not a pair of tufli make. And flip-flops, if you remember correctly, are actually damn hard to get about in. There is always the danger you will walk out of them and in the end they only way to get about at all is to do a slow and truly slatternly shuffle along the ground, which draws attention to the ponderously waggling rump area in a way which you would expect any British woman would do her best to avoid like the plague. So instead of sacrificing a bit of comfort to footwear which may make you slower but which will give you and elevated and respectable teeter, we all seem to be expected to slap around in these bits of nonsense which are barely more convenient and which positively shriek white trash.

So now your theory is that the British woman will not do anything for comfort, but anything for the appearance of comfort.

Or, if you were being uncharitable, anything to avoid the danger of being in the least bit elegant at all. This is also borne out by the fact that the one thing pear shaped persons should not do is wear hipster anythings. Especially if they plan to expose their tummy. Yet the one thing that they all seem to be insisting on doing is… You can’t blame it on a one-season fashion. They have been doing it for at least two years now.

That's th problem with culture shock. It gets you coming and going...

*dries her eyes*
Now *that* was a reading. At least I know things in Russia look like. Makes me curious about London Underground though. It sounds like a place one can have a good fun.

It is. But when I wanted to get anywhere it just made me wat to beat people around the head.

I can imagine...
It is so cool how people "live" and organize in metro. I never stop wondering.

*Grins* Actually, I have Views about the Deeper Meaning of our respective behaviours on the undergrounds. What it boils down to is independance vs community. Enforced community, but nevertheless, Russians are somewhat better at living and working with others on the whole. One charge I heard leveled at them is that they have little civic feeling. The British have a lot of civic feeling, but are not actually that good at getting on with their neighbours. You know?

I mean (oh Hati, you got me on a roll now), while the British can have good relationships with their neighbours and like the idea of community, it only works for them if everyone likes each other. The Russians have (had to) learnt (stuff grammar) how to coexist with people you can't stand.

*nods*
I guess Estonians are actually more like British. We came from the forest tribes, everybody living in their own cave or hutch. Russians were from the open lands, living in big groups and moving around together. There comes the difference, methinks.

Interesting. I was thinking communal flats and the like. But then, you had these enforced and unable to shift serf villages as well, so...

*unexpectedly drops in after having been unable to resist checking what the conversation about when she saw the subject line among the 10 most recently updated conversation on the <./>Info</.> page*

Swedes are a bit like the Brits, although not *quite* so pushy - sure, I occasionally have to use my elbows to get off the tube, but it's much worse in London than in Stockholm

I would say that in the last 10-15 years things on the Tube have got worse. It was always the correct thing to let people off first, ~then~ you elbowed your on. Gradually it has become a free for all, something that has been adopted from our neighbours. It used to take me aback to find myself being shoved aside on the Berlin Ubahn or Paris Metro whilst trying to get off the trian.

At least the Tube smells how it should, of wee, in Paris it smells of poo, which is far worse!

As for flipflops, you have to grip with your toes to keep them on, which is very good exercise for the . The fascination with them is that it's only in the last 20 years or so that we have had summers warm and dry enough to wear them.

As a pear shaped female there is a lot going for hipsters, our waist measurements are much smaller in proportion to our hips, so waisted trousers invariably bag and don't fit at all. Whereas hipsters actually fit a pear shape better. If I had the figure now that I had pre-children, I would be wearing them now, but now I wear elasticated and drawstring waists in an attempt to have some sort of shape at the waist, which has always been 12" or 30 cms less than my hip measurement.

At least we shave our armpits.

You guys know I'm mostly just letting off shellshocked steam right?

That said, I appreciate the point about the fascination with the ability to actually wear beach wear, and isn't it interesting that this seems to have come into its own after last year, but there's a time and a place. Besides, I have just come from a country with reliably hot summers and there are certainly beautiful and flattering alternatives, considerably more suited to urban syle. Anyway.

I'm not sure I agree about hipsters. They seem cut to necessitate the displaying of stomachs, which, in my opinion is a mistake if they are anything less than flat, which, on observation, they mostly are. And the way that any pockety bits sort of disappear under the, er, cheeks, is not a pretty sight either. I think they are cut for people with no appreciable curves at all. It's almost as bad as the historical insistance that every woman is five foot four. At least that has gone out the window, I'm happy to say.

Yes, well, the jokes on me today. I have not one but two large blisters from my not even particularly tufli like teetery sandals. Perhaps I should reconsider the flip flop ban. When in Rome...

*rolls eyes*


When shoes *start* to hurt I usually put on the ...erm.. plaster(?) before the blisters appear. That helps. Erm, too late for this now, I'm afraid.

Yup. But then I guess I should be starting to toughen my feet up for summer, so...

There are some really pretty flipflops/toepost sandals with little kitten heels around, with sequins or flowers, in lovely colours. Once the gap between the big toe and second toe has toughened up, they are urprisingly comfortabl too.

Temptress...

Then you have to have the bag that matches or compliments the sandals.

Actually, I have fantasies about being the sort of person who has outfits, complete with matching accessories. I live hats and bags. But if I give in to the cravings, I just end up with a whole bunch of mismatched whatsits which I never wear anyway...