h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Teenage years are often the time of greatest experimentation. And thing you do then do not necessarily brand you for life. Many of my straight friends were involved in jerk off sessions with other guys not all of them turned out gay. Some of my female friends learnt to snog with other girls, yet they did not turn out lesbian. It's a time of learning and how you learn may in later life cast some doubts on you. Just be who you are and life it. But be safe.

On the other hand too many kids feel embarassed about thier sexuality and spend many unhappy years trying to supress it. Be free with yourself and don't care what others think, if they are true friends they won't mind what you like.

the above does not apply if you intend to become a politician in some of the more backwater places in the world... *cough* USA *cough*. As a preference you should stay away from illegal drugs... is it any wonder that politicians turn out so screwed up?

Then again, there are some teens out there that have no real sexual identity... being neither hetero, homo, or bi in the sexual... department What about them? Imagine how confusing their social lives are- and how left out, having no sexual identity. I have several friends who profess to such, and I must admit, I myself am in the same boat.

IMHO, the greatest problem here is other people's stereotypes. I don't know what it's like in countries other than mine (Australia), but I know that here, there are neat little boxes for young people to be put into. The pressure is on to pick one of the ready made teenager identities.

With each you get some clothes you're supposed to wear, some music you're supposed to like, and an ideology you're supposed to adopt. A showbag identity. This is all round, not just in the sexuality issue. Society says it may be ok to be gay, bi, whatever, but this is who you are and how you have to act.

As a bi teenager and all-round nerd, I hate the fact that even my friends think of me in such a narrow way (I have told 3 people that I'm bi, and none of them were my parents). I'm a geek, I dress in an appropriately nerdy manner, I read books about maths. I have been known to rant about the mathematics of bendable drinking straws. And, lo! I fulfill one of the ready-made identities pop culture has so kindly provided for me.

But then, social change has only come so far. A long way, yes, but there is a long way yet to go. The real change will be when gender, sexuality, and dress codes don't impose barriers on people.

So be who you are. Build your own showbag. I know it sucks not to have a group of people to relate to, but sometimes, contrary to the accepted teenage norm, it's ok to to be on your own.

It's perfectly okay not to have a sexuality yet. Some people don't have a set sexuality (nor indeed any sex) until their late twenties. Sometimes this is by choice, and other times you can chalk it up variously to shyness, pickiness, or general bad luck.

If it's bad not to know your sexuality, it's even worse to think you know it only to be proven horribly wrong. It's embarrassing, personally shocking, and can get you in untold amounts of hot water. For this reason, I don't recommend jumping to conclusions if you can avoid it. Instead, explore your fantasies during those sweet and rare moments of teenage privacy. Let your mind wander, and follow where it leads you.

I agree with Fragilis. I wasn't really set on mine until into my twenties. I went from I have to be straight - teen peer pressure, to I may be gay - the University years, to I'm gay - welcome to the world. So don't rush into it. Just see what feels right.

The trouble is that kids are blindingly homophobic...

Indeed. Which is another reason I wasn't able to come to any conclusion until I was well past the schoolboy ribbings.

Same here. One's thinking, "is it just hormones being funny or do I find my mate really doggone sexy?" It's frustrating that you have to keep silent about it. Grr.

The few teens I've known who were secure enough about their experiences and beliefs to come out in junior high or high school seem relatively well-adjusted as adults. Some have pretty awful stories to tell about harassment in school, though.

A couple of gay teens have told me what it was like for them to come out at that age. They said they were suprised that so many friends and family members voiced their support. This is the same experience most adults have these days. The problem seems to be with schoolmates who don't know them very well. Some students act out with verbal and physical harassment because they're hung up on cultural stereotypes and possibly because they're afraid of being gay themselves. They don't have the experience to know the stereotypes are silly and there's nothing to fear.

Not surprisingly, the guy I spoke to had much more trouble in school compared to my lesbian friend. He almost dropped out of school because he found it so difficult to concentrate, or even to show his face every day.

Does anybody have tips for gay and bisexual teens about avoiding harassment?

Without having to stay 100% silent - I Want To Know.

I had the support group that Fragilis mentioned. They knew even if I didn't at times. But they would constantly back me up when I got into a hole. I guess I was lucky in that sence that some of the most popular guys in my year were my friends first and foremost. However I never totally avoided the insults as a teenager, but I knew I had the means to stand up and not run away. Off course when you hold the school record for 1500 metres running was always another option.

Was that from being a popular athelete or the knowledge that if someone ever went after you that you could outrun them

It seems we are having trouble coming up with any tips for gay teens to help them avoid harassment -- besides, of course, to join the track team! I suppose taking up boxing might also work, in its own way. I don't think this advice would work for every gay teen, though.

Perhaps our advice should go to the teachers and straight kids who might otherwise have stood around and let the harassment occur. To them, I would say 'Please, please take a stand. You might save someone's life.'

Hate crimes targeted at gays in the US comprise about 20% of all hate crimes, and an unusually high percentage of actions against gays include assault, rape, and murder. Most of these crimes are committed by men under 20 years of age. And most of the boys who committed the crimes were already known for their vitriolic remarks against gays.

Over 40 US studies also agree that about 1/3 of all suicides are committed by gay teens. These teens become depressed because of the anti-gay atmosphere in their homes, churches, neighborhoods, and schools. They are further beaten down if they become the victims of violence. Most violence against gay teens goes unreported because the victim is afraid of provoking further attacks. This can lead to a destructive cycle of violence and depression.

Straight teens and teachers can make a difference. By refusing to countenance anti-gay epithets in their presence, they can send a message to would-be harassers and attackers that homophobic violence is not okay. Please take a stand.

I am a teenager who has took action against narrow minded homophobes.. I had a male friend who was constantly tormented about his sexuality. As far as I knew he was straight but he acted rather strangly and therefore my narrow minded redneck classmates ridiculed him. I stood up for him several times but not while he was around because this would only coax more ridicule from the bullies. One day in class he was being teased by a rather mean guy who was rubbing my friends leg and making rude statements I finally couldn't take it I stood up and started screaming at him about his low self esteem,and how he needed to torture others to make himself big till the guy just sat there with this blank half frightened stare on his face wondering if i had gone completely psyco. My friend then stood up screaming at me telling me he needed no girls help with his problem that he could handle it himself and that i needed to keep my nosy a** out of it and then stomped out of the room. I was left there stunned and 30 pares of eyes plastered on me. To top it all off I got punished for "disturbing class" while the bully got notta. This left me absolutely confused and wondering if I was the one who did something wrong or if everyone else was severely screwed in the head. Now we are barely friends. He won't speak to me and I feel as though I have ruined our friendship by trying to help him. I don't really understand this and I have wanted to scream at him but I figure it wouldn't make matters any better. Can anybody help me with this problem? I feel terrible about loosing a close friend in such a wierd way and I don't know how to tell him.

Sometimes raising the profile of bullying makes it worse. Sometimes having someone "stand up for you" makes you look like someone who needs protection - and then when the protection is gone you're in trouble. Sometimes when you're being bullied like crazy you're under huge psychological strain, and you don't behave rationally. Sometimes you take out the pent-out aggression on the nearest target, just to release it. I wasn't there - I don't know.

You sound unsure about whether he *was* straight or not, and so forth. Did you talk to him about the bullying? Did you ask him whether he needed or wanted help? Whether he could handle it on his own? If he was trying to keep a low profile? If he really thought of you as a friend, or as someone he least wanted help from, in the world, ever?

How to tell him you feel terrible? Try opening your mouth and saying "I feel terrible". Accept that the fault for this lies on YOU, not that "everyone else was severely screwed in the head". Apologise for being overly nosy, and tell him that in future you'll keep your opinions to yourself. And *mean* it.

myre - offers pot of salt around

The problem in England is that the law in particular Section 28 leads to major difficulties for gay teens to be given any form of protection by the teachers. Any law which outlaws the 'promotion of homosexuality' or the 'teaching of pretend family relationships' has got to go so that real gay problems can be addressed at a time when ansewrs are needed. Sadly it's not the teachers falut that this is happeneing in our schools but the law which binds their hands.

though, given that nobody has ever been prosecuted under Section 28, it would seem that teachers and LECs are running unnecessarily scared of it... Or, more likely, using it as a convenient excuse to run scared of the REAL problem: homophobic parents...

"My Son says that you said that poofs are people too!"
"uh, they are..."
"No they're not!" *biff*

That is true and unfortunately we learn a lot of our prejudices from our parents. So the situation doesn't tend to go away. However much we'd like education to eliminate many of our problems it will only do so if people actually take the lessons being taught and put them into action in their own situations. Sadly a lot of the PSE stuff taught in schools I feel is ignored or forgotten when it comes to the crunch out in the real world.