h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That's a really good point. I don't really think I've ever talked to him about his bulling problem. I guess that doesn't make me a very good friend does it ? I do know that he thinks of me as one of his best friends but I can see were me defending him could put him in a pinch. And I have tried to apologize to him but he just blows me off and SAYS he isn't mad at me and I don't need to apologize but he still acts differently around me. He won't talk to me like usuall and when I'm around he just acts different. Do you think that if I explain to him that i know that he is upset with me and I want our friendship to be like it was that he would understand ?. Or should I just wait it out and give him some "away from me time" till he feels like talking about it?

Try and apologise early. Explain you overstepped th mark but are cincerned. I retty sure he'll appreciate an ear to listen. If you were good friends i'm sure he'll not want to lose that.

Thank you for your advice. I hope that I can somehow fix this all. Hopefully if I explain to him that I was wrong he will understand. I appreciate everyones advice and I'll call him and see what happens!

Thank you for your advice. I hope that I can somehow fix this all. Hopefully if I explain to him that I was wrong he will understand. I appreciate everyones advice and I'll call him and see what happens!

Coming out isn't easy, but neither is staying in the closet. Even with the increased acceptance of the past years, homophobia still lives on. I was at a queer rights march on Saturday this week, on the anniversary of the 1969 Stonewall riots. Mounted police intervened to stop what would have been violence when a man beside the street started yelling and spitting at a group of women.

Even today, when most people will tell you it's ok to be gay, the same people will still change the way they act towards you if you tell them you're not straight. Sad, but true. A lot of people will get over it, though, and realise you are the same person you were before.

I don't want to discourage anyone from coming out. Most Universities have a queer collective (or at least a sexuality officer) who can help you find your feet. Even if you're not at uni, these might be the people who could help you come out if you need it.

Oh, people will certainly change the way they act with you if you say you're gay... for starters, members of the opposite sex are a lot less likely to sleep with you. And if Sarah fancies Mark, who fancies Kate, who fancies John, and John comes out, then it's possible that Kate will realise that Mark fancies her, and then Sarah will hate John.

Now, if the change is greater than that caused if John were to reveal his love of, say, model railways, then we've got a problem, but I don't see that you can expect to come out and have the rest of the world blithely carry on as before.

Sounds like the start of a RL anecdote.

Why not? I was not referring to changing attitudes of people how have some sexual link to you, I was referring to the_entire_world. Your friends, your family, people who your sexuality does not effect in any way whatsoever.

It's fair enough that coming out changes who is attracted to you, but that should, IMHO, be it.

now, what makes the world go round? sex! (and optionally money). Your sexuality effects a heck of a lot of people. For starters, that great aunt who's worried about the family name dying out, or the grandfather who wants to see his great-grandchildren before he passes away. Most of your family has a stake in who you are, and you should reasonably expect to be effected by that.

Almost all friends are potential lovers, or potential competition for lovers. All of them. Even the 40yr old in another country who you keep in touch with by email (it's been done). In addition, everyone is no more than ten sexual relations away from the president of the USA (less in the case of the current occupant of that title... )

Now, I'm not defending those who react in a completely over the top, or paranoid, way. I'm just saying that you shouldn't expect sexuality-blindness. For starters, you'd be upset if you actually got it - makes dating harder...

It's a given that families are affected by the sexuality of any given member. But sooner or later they're going to have to get over it. Being upset about it isn't going to change anything.

What really sucks is that if I want to walk down most streets in the city where I live, holding hands with someone of the same sex, I'll attract stares from across the street. And that's during the day. It's not a threat of violence that gets me so much as the comments, stares, and passing looks. However, most people just don't expect to see same-gender couples, and get over it pretty fast.

What I'm hoping for the future is that as society stops seeing queer culture as a scary place, gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender visibility will increase. As people become adjust to the fact that different people do exist, things will be easier for everyone involved.

I'm sure it sucks, but like you say - it's unusual - and unusual things attract attention... it'll keep happening to some degree until 50% of all couples are gay - and that'll take a while, whoever's statistics you look at...

MyRedDice - attracts stares, comments, passing looks when he wears a certain pair of jeans...

This is not complicated. People like to cubbyhole things. You are either Hetero or Gay. Nobody is entirely any of these things, and there are all manner of possibilities. You can be asexual, which means, as a matter of preference, you do not like to have sex. You can be nihilistic, which means, as a matter of preference, that you like to have sex with yourself. You may be heterosexual, which means, as a matter of preference, that you prefer the opposite sex. You may be homosexual, which means, as a matter of preference, that you prefer your own sex. You may be bisexual, which means, as a matter of preference, that you do not have a preference.

However, these are not absolutes. Even with five choices to make, you don't have to make any of them. It's a five-dimensional matrix, and you may exist anywhere within it. You may be asexual, with nihilistic leanings, who may be bisexual on occasion, and might find yourself in a gay relationship, but might also find yourself in a hetero relationship. If you find yourself polarized between gay and straight, then you are not likely to be either. It is more likely that you are bisexual, but you may find yourself with a preference for one sex over the other under some conditions. The possibilities are infinite.

Rather than trying to figure out which cubbyhole you belong in, and why, it is more constructive for you to simply allow yourself to experience your sexuality as it evolves, in any direction. It will change and evolve with time. Right now, you may not feel that you even have a sexual orientation. There is nothing wrong with that. In time, you may feel that your sexuality is evolving towards a different pole, and that's OK, too. Just let it happen. It time, you might find that you prefer to be homosexual, but then you might find a partner of the opposite sex that you really connect with, and you might spend most of your life in a heterosexual relationship. You don't *have* to be in any cubbyhole that society constructs for you. What you *have* to be is yourself, and whatever that implies. You are not a machine.

I'd like to see this mysterious pair of MyRedDice's jeans.

I also want to clarify (even more). Many of the bisexual people I know do have a preference for one gender, but it is a relatively weak or insignificant preference. Fred Klein (a researcher on the original Kinsey reports) has theorized that there is range or sliding scale of sexuality. Hold up a ruler, and imagine that one end represents heterosexuality and the other represents homosexuality. In between, there are any number of gradations between the two extremes.

Bisexual people, generally speaking, fall closer towards the middle of the ruler. Heterosexual and homosexual people fall closer towards the edges. The chances of a 100% pure 50/50 bisexual on the ruler is just as slim as the chances of a 100% pure heterosexual or homosexual. Most people do not completely fit a label. Nevertheless, we use these labels because people are determined to classify each other for purposes of mating.

All this is a very good explanation for why so many people are urging teenagers to live a little before jumping to conclusions about their orientation. Your chances of understanding your placement on the sexuality "ruler" are slim until you have several loves/fantasies/relationships/sexual activities under your belt.

Personally, I would like to throw out the ruler.

There's something to be said for that.

So I believe.

What are you talking about????

i think you guys are getting way too negative here... i know that most of the stuff is true... but cmon, give some people some credit! i think most people arent so prejudiced when they know someone thats gay/lesibian/bi/whatever. It's true that there are alot of prejudiced bastards out there but there are also heaps of cool people too, and I think things are changing, just like female rights and black civil rights... like my school now runs a sexuality seminar in year seven. its a catholic school too, and even though some parents were strongly opposed, it's still there. and my friends have been way cool... even better than before i came out! the worlds not so bad, you just get bitter by dwelling on all the crap stuff...

btw- if you want to know more about my coming out theres heaps of stuff at http://snap.to/mills