A Conversation for Teenage Issues
Caledonian Posted Jul 16, 2000
Well, I really don't know what to tell you...
Myself, I haven't been able to cry for years now. I wish I could... but I think that the "wall" I built up inside of myself to control pain just got too strong. Now, it's up and running whether I want it to be there or not. It helps a little to try to not keep everything bottled up inside, but only a little.
The only suggestions that I can make are to be patient and let time take its course. (I know, those are lame suggestions, but they're the best ones I can offer.) If you get any insights about how to deal with this, drop me a line -- I'd like to know, too!
Recently a friend and I slipped into depression simultaneously. There were all sorts of reasons which i won't go into but I think the only thing that kept us going was the fact each of us needed the other. There were times when the depression got worse for one or other of us and then the second one would be the one trying to pull the first one out of it. There were times when both of us thought we wouldn't see the next one the next day (because they had committed suicide) and "good byes" certainly took on a whole new, more significant meaning.
Another thing that helped us was my form teacher picked up on this and frequently approached me at first to say if I ever needed to talk to him he was there. In the end both me and a friend resorted to tlking to him and he was so supportive, it was amazing. It didn't pull us out of the depression but it helped us to know that at least one adult understood and didn't think we were neing stupid.
Other then him, no other person at school noticed really. Sometimes I was asked if I was OK but I just smiled and said "I'm just tired" and it worked (I had mastered the art of hiding my emotions from people at about the age of 6 or 7 having been picked on throughout my primary school years). Everyone in my class seemed to be in this bubble and seemed to have very little on their minds other than who snogged who at which party. I found myself thinking about how futile my life was and how I was never going to acheive my lifetime ambition (to be a vet) and the cycle of depression continued.
What pulled me out of it was gettin a bad mark in my English exam (2 grades below what was expected of me) at which point I decided I had to get positive if I was to do well in my GCSEs. My friend on the other hand came out of it by acheiving really amazing marks in the exam (which, I must admit made it all the harder for me (as she and I usually get the same grades) because, as her friend she has the right to brag to me about it and so I had to be happy for her and try ont to cry).
But what I don't know is if we are fully out of it now as soon after the exams we broke up for the holidays and the only test will be when we are back at school.
It might have been a learning experience but I feel at the moment that I would rather not have learned.
Chrome101 Posted Jul 23, 2000
It's always nice to have a shared experience with someone (even if that experience is extreme depression). In the midst of my depression, everyone around me seemed relentlessly cheerful and this seemed to confound me even more.
I think depression does have something to do with your mental make-up (I don't know the technical term). From an early age, people and myself knew that I was "not normal". I found a tiny group of friends who refused to bow to the "law of the school yard" and found happiness with them.
But I reacted badly to certain situations (ie. people taking the piss) and I suppose that with a person like me, it only takes the "small things" piling up to tip you over the edge.
However, I think I'm out of it now. All the tales on this forum from people who have worked through it have really inspired me, and next time I know how to fight it.
Head Custodian Posted Jul 24, 2000
I am a junior in high school in America. I just had an idea recently. With the internet being what it is, I figure within a year or so, an organization of nearly every high school student could be formed with the purpose of changing things, as this is the only way that it can happen. If every single person I met online posted information about this at their school, and every single person at their school talked to every single person they met online, and so on, well, you can imagine. The goal, of course, would be a nation-wide strike, which, as you can imagine, would go over well with most students. I feel that this is the only way to change our system, and this is my idea of what it should be. Attendence will be optional, but people will still go. Not every day, but this should not be the case anyways. People will go because the school will teach things that they actually need, and want, to know. An example of this would be a project in which students will design and build a small structure, which would be very interesting to me, and I would attend this. To someone else, this may not be interesting, so they may want to attend the pottery class, or whatever. But the point is, the environment will not be one in which children feel that their only escape is to bring automatic weapons to school, and shoot their peers. There will be no tests, as tests and grades are the basis of negativity and degredation in our school system. Take me for example, I am afraid to miss a day of school, even if I am throwing up every 10 minutes. I am afraid to do this because I will fall so far behind that I am guerenteed an average or less grade on a test, which will hurt my grade in the end, which will in turn lessen my chances in the future. It's no wonder that teenage depression is so high! Things will change.
Biggy P (the artist phormerly known as phord) Posted Jul 24, 2000
I missed most of year 11 due to my depression and seriously f'cked up my GCSEs although I never once thought that suicide was a good way out because I don't believe in any kind of god or afterlife and I'm terrified by the prospect of death, but thats probably the only reason I'm alive.
Caledonian Posted Jul 24, 2000
Forgive my ignorance -- what's a GCSE?
Chrome101 Posted Jul 27, 2000
General Certificate, err ... Something Education. I expect someone else wil know what the S stands for.
It is true that the school system as it is does have something to do with the high levels of depression. All the time we are told to improve, to "be the best". Also, the society we live in doesn't help that much. With the constant advertising promsising us happiness if we buy the right thing. They say that we will be one of the crowd, that we wil fit in. Looking round the world today, I'm not sure I want to fit in.
I am an individual, and I am happy wth the way I am. I pride myself on not being narrow-minded and accepting people as they are, no matter how they are different to me.
Gee, as soon as I think I've got all the rants out of me, some more come up!
Biggy P (the artist phormerly known as phord) Posted Oct 11, 2000
Well, i'm at college now, and it's quite fun actuaaly!
Eddy Posted Mar 16, 2003
Your comments on this were brilliant, because they reflected my thoughts entierly, I have to take anti-depressants because my depression causes psychosomatic illness and fatigue. it really sucks, and my mood swings can be very bad sometimes, and ive lost many friends because of it. But when im depressed, some of my most creative thought happens, i tend to write down some ranting philosophy or something, which can sometimes be very helpful and theraputic. I think to much, but as Kazanzakis said in his great book Zorba the Greek "clever people and grocers, they wiegh everything, u think to much" its a great book. Thinking is the bane of man, for we chose sentience over ignorance when the first apes picked up a bone, it was then that the apple was plucked and we realised our nakedness. I believe ignorance is bliss, and have come up with logical philosophical reasons for suicide concerning this, im just to logical to really consider suicide. anyway, i agree with what u said on this subject, so its good know that there are others out there like me.
blue_ink_scrawl Posted Jan 26, 2004
Many people don't see their depressed peers because the truly depressed are very good at internalizing their depression. Not every depressed teen wears dark colors and dyes their hair black, or etches "life sucks" into their arm for all the world to see. Those who dress the part are probably just looking for attention.
The Pink Ferret (slightly fruity) Posted Jun 13, 2004
Thirteen years of school have reduced me to a nervous, manic-deppressive wreck. Individuality is, it seems, a no-no, at least to younger teens. They will follow me around, screaming heartfelt abuse, simply because I am somehow different. Why I am different I don't know. Prehaps it's because I don't wear labels. Prehaps it's because I like uncool music (Read: Anything an adult likes) Prehaps it's because I don't like gratuitous violence. Prehaps it's because I'm friendly. prehaps it's because I'm a vegitarian. Who knows. Whatever it is, I have been the subject of intense, undeserving hatered for most, even all, of my life. I have been so depressed I've comtemplated suicide. I've been so irritated, I've knocked myself out, smashing my head into brick walls, just for some peace. Parts of my body will forever bear self-inflicted scars- one of my only ways to cope with it all. The last few years have been worse than ever. Three years ago, I was a friendly, sociable person. I loved to be out and about, with other people. Three years down the track:I'm now 17 and I hardly leave the house, except for school. I have no friends. I never, ever go to parties. I have a serous fear of crowds, and have trouble going into town alone. I am only fully happy when alone. I'm being supposedly treated for unexplained depression, except I know exactly why. Individualism will kill you. Like a herd of animals, variation is a threat. But still I'd rather die from being the person I am now, than die being the person society wants me to be.
The Pink Ferret (slightly fruity) Posted Jun 13, 2004
And, Mr. Blue Ink Scrawl, you are damn right. Those people you see dressed all in black, head hung, etc, are either messed-up poseurs, or very, very, very sad indeed. I suppose I sound like some whiny crybaby crying for attention, and I'm sorry. I just wanted to say how nasty society can be. Personally, I think it's herd instinct: Younger teens place soo much importance on group identity, they won't accept somebody older who has his own uniqueness. I suspect life would be easyer for me if I just modelled myself on the popular 15-16 yr olds. However, I insist on my long hair, my black boots, my ugly trenchcoat, and my infamous Pink Floyd T-shirt. I don't keep many secrets, but my depression is one of them.
Key: Complain about this post
- 41: Caledonian (Jul 16, 2000)
- 42: Dolphin Girl: Patron Saint of Incoherent Ramblings; Keeper of Flutes and Singing Watches (Jul 22, 2000)
- 43: Chrome101 (Jul 23, 2000)
- 44: Head Custodian (Jul 24, 2000)
- 45: Biggy P (the artist phormerly known as phord) (Jul 24, 2000)
- 46: Caledonian (Jul 24, 2000)
- 47: Chrome101 (Jul 27, 2000)
- 48: Biggy P (the artist phormerly known as phord) (Oct 11, 2000)
- 49: Eddy (Mar 16, 2003)
- 50: blue_ink_scrawl (Jan 26, 2004)
- 51: logicus tracticus philosophicus (Mar 30, 2004)
- 52: The Pink Ferret (slightly fruity) (Jun 13, 2004)
- 53: The Pink Ferret (slightly fruity) (Jun 13, 2004)