h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hey tinkerbell i completely and utterly agree. i really understand. thats almost exactly what happened to me. on the outside you look happy with yourself and confident like nothing can stop you but inside you are constantly questioning yourself, thinking that if just one little thing is out of place they might start again. im still in school and i still stand by my method of fuss making but it doesnt make me feel any better. you're spot on with the lasting effect thing. thanks for letting me know its not just me that feels like that i hope everything goes well for you

Thanks phatcat! Its nice to know I helped Everythings going great for me at the minute and has been with regards to bullying etc for about four years it's just (as you know) sometimes you feel as if it's about to start all over again (even though it isn't) and you do watch what you say and do.

When I first started in our sixthform 2 years ago, I'd got the highest grades our school had ever got at GCSE and I think some of the highest in Britain, I didn't tell anyone this because I was so scared of what everyone would say. The sad thing is it should have been something I was really proud of but because of the bullying years before I wasn't able to share this. Anyway, obviously everyone found out because they gave me loads of prizes and stuff (which was good ) but quite a few of the lads started taking the mickey, they thought it was all in good humour and didn't see any harm in it. If there was a question asked, they'd all turn to me and make some comment about how I should know and so there was no point in them trying, the thing was they thought they were being friendly as until this we'd been great mates. After a while of this I just stopped trying, didn't answer questions, didn't hand in essays and would never discuss anything in the lessons they were in. As a result my grades slipped (only to a b but for me that was noticeable), the teachers spotted it (although they never spotted the bullying once!) and asked me what was wrong , I didn't tell them but they'd already guessed and so they made it a lot easier for me in class and started insulting the lads when they turned on me. After a couple of months I started to get my confidence back again and this past year everyone was really great about my work, they'd still make jokes about me being a genius but I was able to recognise them as jokes and so I got quite a bit of confidence back. I was made lead student both by students and teachers which was a huge compliment and confidence booster and on the last few days of term all the lads wrote about how they were sorry for taking the mick but really they were just jealous and now they all want to stay in touch.

I'm off to uni in a few months and so hopefully everything will be great there because none of the people will be there who I know. What I want to say is that whilst I never got over it and I do always feel self conscious, if you manage to ride it out it will get so much better and you will get the respect of your peers no matter how unlikely it may seem. This past year I've learnt to ignore what everyone else thinks and have done what I want, worn what I want and was who I wanted to be. With this I seemed to get a lot more respect and I was happier with myself. I learnt to go to the theatre one week, visit art galleries, museums, read literature and listen to radio two (I never admitted that )and then the next week go out clubbing, go to the pub, have sleep overs and listen to trashy pop music. Eventually you learn to adapt and be yourself and all I hope is that you get to be yourself and get the respect that you deserve like I have. If you ever want to chat, message me at my homepage, I can't say I'll be able to give you good advice as I don't know if I coped the right way but I'll be able to give some sort of helpful comment, even if it does turn out as long winded as this Hope everything goes great for you

god! there was such an uproar about the fact that apparrantly its not 'cool' to watch frasier! hey, I guess I'm not the only one

the buffy the vampire slayer thing, no offence to anyone that likes it of course, the problem is, unlike tinkerbell and her friend who have discussions about it, my friend just goes 'YOU'RE SO SELFISH' because I don't like what she likes and then teases me for liking frasier!

anyhow, thanks for the support, guys!

sarah