h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I got a provisional entry for this at - http://www.h2g2.com/A365140 - if anyone wants to comment there instead of here...

On a side note. Often bullies pick on shy or sensitive guys and can take a form of calling said individual is queer, gay, a poofter etc, you all know the phrases. Now somethimes this is true but not always, and maybe the person is still working out hteir sexuality after all in teh teenage years alot of people still are.

The bullies do this to make the bullied doubt their own sexuality and then become insecure. Once the teen has become insecure, the bully punches even harder.

If a bully calls you a gay in order to play on your insecurity, it's always helpful to know more swear words than him - and use them all in one fast string. If not, make some up. It might not do much, but it'll make you feel slightly more secure.

I was also bullied in my pre-teen years but not on sexuality grounds. Merely because I was a soft target, well not too soft they had to catch me first. I'm sure those days made me runner I became in later life. As for the sexuality teasing that started at about 14. I took great pleasure in showing one of teh bullies at my 10 year reunion a picture of my boyfriend. He was shocked to find out that a) I was so open about it and b) that he actually had been right. I think he was also slightly worried as he normally bullied me in the showers after rugby practise.

*laughs*
I think a "revenge" section would be a good idea...

Oh. I also went up to my pre-teen bully the other week in a bar. And shook his hand. Now I'm 5'11" and work out. He's 5'2" and has a beer gut. Guess who had the upper hand there.

Probably the biggest problem amongst teens is homophobia - the thought that all gays are perverted and that if you're friends with a gay that he'll make a move on you. Whoever introduced this idea into society should be taken out and beaten up in public because it is the stupidist, craziest, but most often seen problem with teen society.

Do you think that is really true? I was under the impression that bullying had more to do with belonging to various groups (cliques, if you like) and the insecurities of the bully. (obviously, gays are seen as not beloning to the in-crowd) The kids I know who have been bullied (thankfully few of them) wore the wrong trainers, were ugly (result of a car accident), or their parents were poor (!)

The most frightening thing for me as a young teenager (2nd year at secondary school) was the organised bullying by older girls. You could spend your whole day not being spoken to except by teachers because the bullies & their mates thought you beneath them for whatever reason (once it was for getting 100% in a test - very exceptional for me - everyone else got less than 60%) and everyone else was too scared of them to talk to you either.

Bullying, however, IMHO will never go away. So, we have to a) recognise the signs (of a bully as well as of the bullied), b) teach our kids how to deal with it and c) make sure the school (or other place where this takes place, assuming there is some kind of adult supervision) knows about it and d) set a good example (although racists/sexists/whateverists tend to try to pass their views on, not protect their kids from it)

Bullying has never been a real problem for me. I've been pretty much secure and self-confident, but there never really was an "in" crowd at my schools. There has been teasing, of course, but what wasn't friendly was at least mild. I have never been the the US, so I wouldn't know what to compare against, but it seems that in Asia the kids seem to be more restrained. This can be good as they are generally more well behaved, but also they aren't quite as open.

my problem is:

*having a problem with pronouncing 'r's

*hating buffy the vampire slayer

*loving frasier

so obviosly everyone picks on me!

I can't stand pop, rock or metal (I'm more into country and western) so I came to assume the best way to survive is to now mention it. What a pity.

sarah

Hi, several points,
The first go to Sarah, all of which may not help much but they'll help you realise that you don't have a problem,
1) Jonathon Ross can't pronounce his r's and I think he's the coolest bloke in the world (except Jacques Villeneuve), I never miss his radio show even if it means suffering through a Saturday morning hangover to listen to his voice (y'see now you think I'm weird).

2)I am apparantly "Tinkerbell(obviously not THE Tinkerbell but I can't use my real name as everyone believes I'm a real fairy so I'd hate to shatter the illusion) the Vampire Slayer" because I seemingly resemble her, whether that is a complement or not it's better than being "Tinkerbell Blair" which was kindly suggested at our leaving assembly as I am allegedly the fairy most likely to be a success and run the country...anyway I've strayed from the point, whats wrong with not liking Buffy? I love the programme, my best mate hates it, it provides fun discussions but it's not a problem.

3)Am I missing something? Whats wrong with liking Frasier I never miss it, I even video it when I go out and that IS sad

4)Country and Western is nothing, I listen to...shhh *checks to see there's no-one listening* Radio Two and I was on the other week and won a "Radio 2 Round Thing"! Now that's funny

O.k Now on to the other issue. Homophobia. It's a big problem in our school, gay and queer are used as an insult and it really annoys me. There were two blokes in my year who were gay, I was mates with both of them and one of them is still my best mate. For the other he was always teased and called queer as an insult but then when he admitted it to everyone else they shut up so quickly it was hilarious. The kids lower down the school used to shout at him so I used to shout back and they soon got fed up, particularly when he said yeah so what? They had no idea how to react then so we just stood dancing the YMCA and they never hassled him again(possibly not the best approach

Also it was really bizarre to watch other reactions, the girls were never bothered by it and always stuck up for them but the lads were awful to start with. What changed it was when one of the group of lads went too far and his mates just turned around and told him to shut up, they started saying how it was clearly him who had the problem and pointed out that all the guys who were fine with it were those in relationships but the guy who was leading all the abuse was single, after that he just started mumbling and never mentioned it again

Anyway, I'll go now as whilst I also have issues on bullying because I was bullied for being smart and having curly hair (V.rational I realise), I don't think my story would be very constructive as I ended up changing in order to fit in and that's not something I'd recommend. I have since changed back to 'me' and ironically I am now much more accepted and have more sincere friends than ever, go figure Also my main current problem is that I have an exam on Monday and know nothing so I shall now leave and madly panic to myself

Yeah the 'Yeah so what' attitude has a great effect on school and later queer as insult. Most people give up after that unless they are really sick.

and, in general, any insult. The "I am what I am" attitude is effective, in my experience, both psychologically and practically.

i was bullied because i liked horseback riding.

i also dont think that childhood trauma and access to guns is the reason that kids kill other kids. although these play a part, the only thing that could fill a child up with enough rage to want to kill another human being, is the constant torment that they face from their peers, and they they have to endure everyday. people should teach their kids to be nice to one another, instead of worrying about what grades they get and if they make sports teams.

My perspective from school days was that there are three types of bullying, all requiring different reactions to deal with them. Qualifier: I am a female, went to single sex school from Grade 3 (age 7 or 8), and extremely happy in my own company.

1 - physical, which boys are really good at, although girls are not immune to stooping to. I was never a victim of this kind of bullying, and there is a double edged sword in dealing with it. The kid can either tell someone he/she is being hurt physically, which then singles them out for either further bullying or alienates them from their peers. Or learn how to defend themselves, which is also difficult to manage, as violence never solves violence. It is also difficult to maintain your cool and "ignore it" when someone is hitting you. One issue that hasn't been addressed successfully, is that victims of physical bullying sometimes perpetrate that violence towards smaller creatures/people themsleves, creating a vicious cycle.

2 - verbal. A version of "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me" should be employed here. As my father often used to say, you and you alone can let someone tease you when you let it get to you. This has been debated a lot on this forum, so I'll move onto...

3. Psychological, which girls seem to excel at. I was a loner during my school years by choice, as often a book was better company than some girls in my youth. But many fall prey to the silent treatment, teasing about physical characteristics, being anxious about high scores when peers are average. This kind of bullying can have far-reaching implications throughout the victim's life such as low self-esteem, eating disorders and other horrendous results. The solution comes only from the person being treated in this way. It is either a super confident person who can take it in their stride, someone who really doesn't give a flying fruitbat what others think (my case), or someone (teacher, parent) to notice very early on what is happening and educating the tormentors the disastrous results their "harmless fun" can have. Usually the latter doesn't happen as many of those in charge simply don't have the time or perspective to notice a withdrawn child. Sometimes, it is the teacher that is a bully themselves, and there is no excuse for that when children are in their hands to break so easily.

But how can you relate this message across to a person suffering intensely because of their peers?

What's wrong with liking Frasier? Many people I know like it, and they are not geeky or anything bully-able.

I have absolutely no idea why i was bullied. maybe cos i get good scores or cos i had short hair for a while or cos im short or poor or generally just very annoying for some people but the way i dealt with it was to just tell. everytime they started something i would make a massive fuss and get in a temper and demand that they be arrested or put in detention. i wouldnt fight them or yell back at them i would just cry very loudly and in public so everyone could see what they were doing to me. i would let my parents know when i got home and they would tell my teachers and it would all be very embarrasing for them. bullies normally rely on their victims to keep quiet but i was so enraged that these people felt they had a right to judge me and that i had to obey them and respect their opinions on me. like it made a significant difference to my life what they thought of it. it was a sort of 'who the hell asked you?'. im not suggesting everyone should deal with it this way because it might not always work but my advice is to tell anyone and everyone whats going on. refuse to go to school and just make a fuss until it is cleared up. these people dont have a right to cause you harm, physically or mentally. you dont deserve it and you definately dont need to take it. dammit now ive started preaching again.lol anyway thats my rant out of the way.
P.S. frasier is very very very very very very cool

"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me"
- if only it were so... though I guess repeating as one might a chant will make it more true...

I agree with some of this stuff, what I wanted to say was bullies often don't realise either the damage they're doing or that they are bullying at all.

I didn't look like the other kids at age 13 because I had curly hair, I also wasn't really thin so due to the bullying I grew my hair long, lost weight, my hair for some bizarre reason went blonder (not a bottle I assure you ) and I started shopping in the 'right' places for clone outfits. Sadly (for society not for me)this worked and the bullying stopped and I became one of the in crowd (showing the superficiality of these groups).

The thing was it was only about two months ago that I realised that I'm actually thinner now than all the people who called me names and now they all say they love my hair and occasionally when I see myself I realise that I'm not completely unattractive (I don't want to say I'm pretty because that would sound unbelievably obnoxious) but I still feel ugly and I still feel fat because the 'innocent' name calling and abuse has left me with no inward self confidence. Sure I look confident and as I was voted lead student of our school (the irony struck me ) I can easily stand up in front of people and talk and do other stuff that many others can't but I never feel comfortable with myself unless I'm away from the school. As a gut reaction 6 years later I still put my head down when walking past groups of girls and if I hear them laughing I assume it's at my expense even though it obviously isn't. As I learnt to hide my feelings from the bullies I still have trouble talking about myself today. I never discuss my problems with anyone except my very best mate and even then I feel like I shouldn't. If bullies realised what a lasting effect they had on people I doubt they'd do it but there's no way to show them or to make them understand at the age when most bullying happens. I think that there should be a scheme where people who have been bullied can go round schools at an early age and talk directly to the students.