h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This reminds me a great deal of a collection of essays (Ordinary Mysteries) written by a philosophy professor (Dr. Stephen Vicchio) who I know. He once wrote about the process by which objects disappear into thin air, the properties of thin air, and how thin air differs from thick air. A facinating collection of essays. I recommend that you read them, if you can find the book that is.

There was a theory that Washing Machines are wormholes into other Universes. As unlikely as this sounds, there is compelling circumstantial evidence - how else would you explain the fact that when a pair of socks goes in, frequently only one emerges ... and that sock is accompanied by other single socks you have never ever seen before.

I am working towards a unified theory of what fuels the Expanding Universe. I don't believe it is the sock thing - this is a simple matter exchange, in all likelihood. The facts point to ballpoint pens. Given all the ballpoint pens we go through, we should be knee-deep in them by now. It is this 'lost matter' (as opposed to remote controls, which periodically rematerialise) which pushes the expansion along.

Any further suggestions would be welcome.