h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. If you switch on the radio, don`t be surprised. It is absolutly normal, that every station is playing the same music.
2. You can visit the "Reeperbahn". This is the most famous and biggest red light district in Germany, maybe in the entire universe. You can have a look in hundrets of sex-shops for every need you have. You can also have a nice time in the pubs, drinking what ever you want until you`ll drop on the floor. But be careful if a nice young and very sexy Lady wants to have "a little bit" champagne. It is never "a little bit", it will cost you about 300$, and in the end you will wake up in a bed, that isnt yours, and you`ve payed at least another 500$ for things you can`t even remember. And if you remember, you wish you couldnt remember.
3.Don`t talk to anybody. Most of the "Hamburger" can speak. But they refuse to give you an answer when you asking, lets they, for the way. If you ask them, 99% of the inhabitants will ignore you. They are afraid. I dont know why, because I`m living here just since four years. I`m working on it.
4. NEVER ever say something like: "Hamburg is nice, but I liked Munich, too." or "Even Cologne is nicer, then this town." If you said something like this, nobody will talk to you anymore. (Well, if you found somebody before to talk to) Every "Hamburger" thinks, Hamburg is the most beautiful town in the germany, maybe in the whole universe.
5. Hamburg has got a lot of water. It has a harbour, it has some seas in the middle of the city. Somebody told me, that Hamburg has more bridges then Venice. Maybe thats right, but that doesnt mean, that you can sit at the sea or harbour, and have a drink. There are no pubs, just a few restaurants, where you pay 10$ for a small beer. So be careful.

See ya later
The Don

Ahoi!
Seems to me that you know this city very well. Do you live there? And: thank you very much for your comments on the radio-situation. It's horrible isn'nt it?!
All the best
levy

Hi Don, there seems to have been a little misunderstanding concerning having a nice cold beer or Alster (beer/Sprite) at a reasonable price at the Elbe river shores. On a sunny day u can see half of Hamburg's population - the other half is in Timmendorf or Sylt - fighting for the best places at the Strandperle, a small but popular kiosk selling all kinds of beverages and snacks. Watch the sundown and the lights going up at the docks across, busy with workers and machines and light a little campfire. Most romantic place - if only all those people would go home!

- and of course Hamburg IS the most beautiful city in the world

PS: Maybe later more about the Reeperbahn, which has more to offer than sex-shops, although the image sticks. Still, Don is right, never sit next to a girl and ask "can we have something to drink?" - unless your name is Donald Trump.

Well, to add my 2 percent...

To 4.: Why should I say anything like "Munich is nice"...? I lived there once... Moved out after three months... Guess why...
And, yeah! Hamburg IS the most beautiful town (at least on earth!)

To 5.: Some seas in the middle of the city, well, that is a river, called "Alster" which happens to be quite a really nice place to sit down and relax, or, depending on your preferences, walk around and take a look at the most beautiful girls in the entire universe (happens that they just appear from some parallel universe or something when the sun comes out. Somehow. Strange, but nice indeed!)

More bridges than Venice? Well, Venice has around 400 bridges, Hamburg has more than 1.200... And, have you ever been to the "Strandperle" mentioned in that other article? Damn! Just find yourself some girl (or man, again, depending on your personal preferences), preferrably from some other town (which is not the nicest on earth, of course) go to the Strandperle, get yourselves a drink and just sit on the shore and show her the most beautiful view on this earth, when the sun goes down... Never doubt the power of aesthetics... That is YOUR chance...

Have fun in the town of my choice,
Xenosophy

1. Germany is a big country, as European countries go, and Hamburg is only one city. Get out on the autobahn, put the pedal to the metal and see some of the rest of it -- you won't be disappointed.

2. The "Reeperbahn" is also where many of Hamburg's legitimate theatres are located ("Cats" has been playing there continuously for something like 68 years). Germans, rather than shunning the neighborhood seem to look on it with an air of tolerant bemusement; even going so far as to bring the kinder along for strolls in the evening.

3. I did not have any problem "talking" to residents, but perhaps as one of my touring companions pointed out: "Germans love Americans; we're their favorite inferior culture!" Simply learn a few useful phrases such as "Bitte, sprechen sie Anglais?" ("Do you speak English?" Assuming YOU speak English), the almost universal response will be "A little," which can be invariably taken to mean "better than you speak German", at which point you should have no problem.

4. Regardless of it's many charms, Hamburg is NOT the most beautiful city in Europe, or even in Germany for that matter. Graffiti and litter is ubiquitious; crazy people follow you around thinking you are the police; each street has a minimum of three names; on some days the smog can be truly hazardous to your health. If you want picturesque, go to Tubingen, Heidelburg, Regensburg, Wurzburg... small is definitely better!

5. Doner kebaps rule! Shop around: if one place is selling doners for 6 DM, chances are there's a place a block away selling them for 5 DM -- some places even do vegitarische doners! And you can score extra points by using a couple of Turkish words: "Lieutfen" ("please"), and "Teshiker ederam" or short-form "teshikerler" ("thank you" and "thanks" respectively); you will invariably get a smile and perhaps a little extra meat for your effort.

6. Cologne during Carnival/Fasching is a party not to be missed! On Thursday, watch out for women with scissors! Go during the weekend and test your endurance! If you can survive through to Mardi Gras ("Fat Tuesday"), you deserve a medal -- or a stomach pump, your choice.

7. If you don't smoke, go to Germany only during the warm months of summer when you can sit outside; Germans smoke everywhere -- EVERYWHERE! Bathrooms, restaurants, schools, hospitals -- no place is "smoke-free".

8. German restaurant workers are actually paid a living wage, so the rounding-up policy is okay, but not expected. Also, separate checks "getrent" (sp?) is considered perfectly acceptable. Rather than leaving a tip at the end of a meal, simply give your server your money and either tell them how much you wish to pay or if you don't want change back, just say "stimpt" ("correct").

9. There is no such thing as "Fleischbier", although both I and Homer Simpson firmly believe there SHOULD be...

10. Most shops close promptly at 6:00 p.m., on Saturdays at around 2:00 p.m. and are CLOSED on Sunday. Restaurants and pubs are the exception. Also, Germany has more public holidays than every other country on the planet - combined; most of the places that are closed on Sundays are also closed on holidays; check your location because there are local/stadt holidays, regional holidays, along with church and national holidays. Ask around and plan accordingly.

1. Germany is a big country, as European countries go, and Hamburg is only one city. Get out on the autobahn, put the pedal to the metal and see some of the rest of it -- you won't be disappointed.

2. The "Reeperbahn" is also where many of Hamburg's legitimate theatres are located ("Cats" has been playing there continuously for something like 68 years). Germans, rather than shunning the neighborhood seem to look on it with an air of tolerant bemusement; even going so far as to bring the kinder along for strolls in the evening.

3. I did not have any problem "talking" to residents, but perhaps as one of my touring companions pointed out: "Germans love Americans; we're their favorite inferior culture!" Simply learn a few useful phrases such as "Bitte, sprechen sie Anglais?" ("Do you speak English?" Assuming YOU speak English), the almost universal response will be "A little," which can be invariably taken to mean "better than you speak German", at which point you should have no problem.

4. Regardless of it's many charms, Hamburg is NOT the most beautiful city in Europe, or even in Germany for that matter. Graffiti and litter is ubiquitious; crazy people follow you around thinking you are the police; each street has a minimum of three names; on some days the smog can be truly hazardous to your health. If you want picturesque, go to Tubingen, Heidelburg, Regensburg, Wurzburg... small is definitely better!

5. Doner kebaps rule! Shop around: if one place is selling doners for 6 DM, chances are there's a place a block away selling them for 5 DM -- some places even do vegitarische doners! And you can score extra points by using a couple of Turkish words: "Lieutfen" ("please"), and "Teshiker ederam" or short-form "teshikerler" ("thank you" and "thanks" respectively); you will invariably get a smile and perhaps a little extra meat for your effort.

6. Cologne during Carnival/Fasching is a party not to be missed! On Thursday, watch out for women with scissors! Go during the weekend and test your endurance! If you can survive through to Mardi Gras ("Fat Tuesday"), you deserve a medal -- or a stomach pump, your choice.

7. If you don't smoke, go to Germany only during the warm months of summer when you can sit outside; Germans smoke everywhere -- EVERYWHERE! Bathrooms, restaurants, schools, hospitals -- no place is "smoke-free".

8. German restaurant workers are actually paid a living wage, so the rounding-up policy is okay, but not expected. Also, separate checks "getrent" (sp?) is considered perfectly acceptable. Rather than leaving a tip at the end of a meal, simply give your server your money and either tell them how much you wish to pay or if you don't want change back, just say "stimpt" ("correct").

9. There is no such thing as "Fleischbier", although both I and Homer Simpson firmly believe there SHOULD be...

10. Most shops close promptly at 6:00 p.m., on Saturdays at around 2:00 p.m. and are CLOSED on Sunday. Restaurants and pubs are the exception. Also, Germany has more public holidays than every other country on the planet - combined; most of the places that are closed on Sundays are also closed on holidays; check your location because there are local/stadt holidays, regional holidays, along with church and national holidays. Ask around and plan accordingly.

Danke! I will be in Germany for the first time this summer. The information on wine will be extremely valuable, and Dr. Thyroid's post above is also very helpful. All this great info and I haven't even gotten to other conversations or links in the entry!

Zmrzlina

Hi Doc,
well, I won't start an argument about the beauty of German cities here, each and everyone to his or her own taste and preferences. However, one thing has changed (maybe u left Germany some time ago): At least in the bigger cities in the downtown area, shops now close at 8 pm on weekdays, 4 pm on Saturdays. If u are desperate, there are always gas stations (supermarkets which accidentally sell gas by now where u pay a bit more, kiosks or check out the main railway stations - most of them have been turned into huge shopping malls which even open on Sundays.
Still, beware in small towns with small shops. You might come across midday siesta between 1 and 3 pm but don't let that throw you, just relax and have a drink in a cafe until they open up again

Heya!
If you'd like to get the best out of the most beautiful city of germany check out some of the locations at the inner-city lake "Alster"... like "Bodo's Bootsteg" or near by the alster the pub called Zwick for nostalgic rock'n roll and some good food until 3am....
Cheers
Levy

I'll have to revise that comment, because some things are not true/not properly explained:

- The Reeperbahn is not solely red light. Most shops are sex shops and there are alot of sex shows, of course, but on the Reeperbahn (or as locals call it: 'Der Kiez') you'll also find many clubs to dance in. Also there is a club called 'Docks', which you should visit on Thursdays. Despite it being crowded, every drink costs 1,- DM. Every drink.

- The reason 'Hamburger' might not talk to you is not impolitness. Rather Hamburger are afraid to talk because they don't want to get embarassed speaking wrong english or falling over a strong german accent. Of course, many people are just too busy.

- Hamburg really is the most beautiful city in Europe. No doubt about that.

- Noteworthy is not only that Hamburg has many lakes. It also has one big lake called 'Alster', which you should make sure to visit on the first weekend in August. There is a big fair all around that lake going three days and each evening is closed with a big firework. Also be sure to visit Hamburg's harbour on May 5th - 7th. That's the harbour's birthday and there's also a huge fair with a great firework on the other side of the Elbe.

- Hamburg actually has more bridges than Venice. It was counted someday.

- Another fact, which is just wrong: A beer never costs $10. Anywhere. I do not count sex shows. Just go to the west of Hamburg. You'll find an area called 'Altona' or 'Blankenese'. Go to any cafe (preferably the 'Strandperle', which is right at the beach of the Elbe), sit down and drink some beer for about $2 each (1/2 litre). Enjoy the sun and watch the ships passing by. Relax. Forget what the previos comment stated.

Note: The author has been living in Hamburg since he was born.

Seperate Checks in German is spelled 'getrennt'

Due to new laws, shops in Germany may open until 8 p.m. weekdays and 4 p.m. on saturdays. In smaller towns, however, you'll find them closed earlier. You still can get important things at gas stations since they started selling groceries a couple of years ago. Note that the prices in those gas stations are alot higher than in regular grocery stores (up to 110 percent, a statistic says...).

Here is one thing that is not true:

Germany is not a smoke-everywhere-zone. Hospitals are smoke free, but you have special rooms for smokers. Everywhere you go are smoke free zones (not counting restaurants that are so small you'd have to break through the wall). Schools are absolutely no-smoking. Due to recent laws all public buildings are also smoke-free, except for special smoke-zones.

I hope that cleared some of the misunderstandings.

Best Döner you get at A La Turca near Undergroundstation Wandsbek-Markt. Just 6 DM (2Pound/3Dollar) and full of everything which is called meat there (and/or chicken).

You are all talking about sitting in the sun, which directly leads to my biggest problem I have with Hamburg, you can count the sunny days in one year at the fingers of just one hand, and even if a day seems to get sunny never ever forget your umbrella or because of the strong wind better a raincoat if you stay in Hamburg. If you want to sit in the sun check out some coffee shops in Berlin.

If you are in Germany, don't miss to eat a "Currywurst". The best one (I found my live) you will get from Erich in Hamburg-Neugraben. The Pub is called: "Am Falkenberg".
(ask for the Street: Falkenbergsweg).

If you are not in training only order a half "Currywurst" because it's a very big one.
If you can eat three of it, "Erich" will pay one.

Don't go there after 8 pm, they will close there kitchen. If you want to get sure, that you get a "Currywurst" call +49-40-7018655.

If you want to get a good ice-cream you can go to "Eis Hurra" in Neugraben
(Neugrabener Bahnhofstr.). The ice-cream is without any syntetic color, and it is made
fresh. "Eis Hurra" is only opend in Summer time (April-Oktober).

In the south part of Hamburg there is a nice Wood called the "Haake" and you can
walk there a hole day through, if you like it.
Also there is the "Fischbeker Heide"

In Hamburg You're a little luckier with radiostations: there is the "Offener Kanal" and the "Freies Sender Kombinat" (93,0MHz), awful but sympatico autonimist-DJs, who can't present but play good and interesting music and keep You informed on demonstrations and so.

One thing is simply not true: There is no smoke in Hamburg. Never! The air is much fresher than in other towns of this size, it's brilliant.

oops-I meant smog, not smoke.

Here is an update for the shops closing hours:

Most shops are now open till 8pm weekdays and 4pm Sat. In the countryside this only applies for big supermarkets, though.