h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It is still legal in some states of the United States (California is one of them, I believe) to keep a dead body in your home as long as it is kept there in a "reasonable manner". Although, like throwing your voice at a funeral so it seems like the deceased is talking, keeping a dead body in your house is frowned upon by just about everyone.

What do you mean by a reasonable menner? No swearing at it; occasional offerings of tea and biscuits; allowing them to watch their favorite TV show (after first proping open their eyelids with matchsticks) ...

Actually, keeping dead people in your home can be more pleassant than having live company! The dead know when to shut up, they don't show pictures of their grandchildren, and best of all, you can just put the, in the closet when you're tired of them!

Is it best to prop them against the wall (after they are stiff enough of course) or slid them under the couch?

Ag

depends on the size of the couch. Storing them under the bed is also an option, but the smell is somewhat detrimental.

but what about when they get dusty? they must be very hard to clean. and you would get some very strange looks if you treid to put them in the dry cleaners.

Hmmm, you've got a point there. I guess you could wrap them in plastic wrap before you put them away, that might help.

If you have a convertible and a dead body you could put the dead body in the passenger seat and run the convertible (without the top of course) through a car wash, this should remove the bulk of the dust

Yeah, but then you ruin the interior of the convertible. You could always just take 'em out inthe back yard on turn on the hose.

where does the 'profit' come into this?

Also, where is the fun for the poor people who have to live with the man with the dead body?
The only profit I can think of is in places like Egypt, where they have Tutenkhamun or however you spell him. People pay to see him and his closet neatly made out of gold that made him look nice and not smell. Lenin's body was also on display, I believe, so there is a market in Russia as well...
So, how about a nice museum of famous corpses?

but then you can't have as much fun with the ventriloquism!

Perhaps a museum is too stuffy an idea... especially as kids always break the exhibits.
You could get the bodies, and use them in a puppet show for kids, just like Punch and Judy, and then you will have lots of fun doing ventriloquism AND make lots of profit.
Or you could use the bodies for Scientific Experiments, and say "It's Alive! It's *ALIVE!*" and do Dr Frankenstien impersonations. You could make some money out of that.
Did Frankenstien's monster stink?

Yeah, that's a much better idea!

So, where is the best place to get dead bodies from? Is there a shop called "CorpseWorld" somewhere out there, or do you have to wait until a relative snuffs it?
How would you get a corpse, and how can you guaruntee a good condition, especially if you are buying via magazine?
All this discussion as to keeping a dead body is useless unless we know where to get bodies from - and will it be possible to murder someone and use an SEP field so that the police don't find out?

I can guarentee top-quality fresh dead bodies from us - Contract Killers UK - from as little as £250. If you want a particular person, it costs a little more. They are highly useful around the house. Regarding cleaning, I recommend a few coatings of a good quality furniture polish, then a quick dusting every month or so. Hinged limbs can be built in.

How much does it cost to insure dead bodies against Fire and General accident damage? Also, are their driving licences still valid, and if they are over 21, can they legally be allowed to teach you to drive?

If you have 4 or more, you can use the carpool lane on the highways!

Really? Does that work if you have a motorbike as well?
(Also, what's the carpool lane??? Is it some American thing?) Is it a special swimming pool for inflatable cars, which is an alternative to the carwash idea of cleaning bodies mentioned earlier???

Sorry, i keep forgetting the different cultures here. Yeah, I guess it's mostly an American thing.