h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

These can be purchased from small vending machines which are often located in toilets, public houses and airports.
Be careful not to confuse these machines with similar chewing-gum vending machines. This can cause pain and embarrassment.

Ah, so it's true then that condoms rot your teeth?

I wonder if Lonnie Donegan had the same problem dstinguishing between chewing gum and condoms, and it was actually a condom that he chewed the next morning.

Can you tell me what a pained and embarrased condom looks like?

Slightly pink and flushed

Chewing condoms is not recommended. They are reported not to taste particularly good, but you can blow great bubbles.
Note that it is also not recommended to attempt to use chewing gum as a contraceptive as it is not very effective.

I hope it's not flushed down the toilet. It will clog up the pipes and cause a lot of problems

Michael Jackson sued me the last time I tried to blow Bubbles.

Chewing gum makes a very effective oral contraceptive and has been tested by the Vatican standards commision for three years, during which time not one altar boy has become pregnant. His Holiness also recommends attaching all used Wrigleys to your pubic hair. Should you meet a fellow true believer and attempt to have sex, the resultant plucking prevents any chance of conception.

Yep. Embarracement.

Did anyone know that the Italian condom is smaller than the european standard? I don't know why this is...

Also, I don't think condoms are very good during moments of hightened passion, all sorts of problems can occur, trying to fish one out that's gone awol...a bit of a design fault I'd say.

Is there one that would fit my little stick of Blackpool Rock ?

gf