h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So. We meet again, vile spirit. Your days are numbered. Soon I will wrench the heavens and the earth from your grasp, and my purpose will be complete. You yourself, I have a special plan for. I will bind you with everlasting chains, and shut you in an eternal lounge, sitting in a comfy chair, forced to watch repeats of my most heinious creation, 'Pokemon', forever!

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Well if you're intent on your aims, please take a ticket and go to the end of the orderly line yonder, behind all those individual bearing pitchforks...

- Moving In Mysterious Ways.

Oh okay then.

Do you realise you're now one of two GODs? Just to confuse matters.

And additionally, I have been on h2g2 for less than two days so far, and your angels have already considered destroying me three times. We don't want to start the whole Heavenly War thing again, do we?

Anyway, must be off, plenty of American TV evangelists to corrupt. See you around. (well, everywhere, obviously... it's just an expression.)

Bwahahahaaa!! (I _really_ need to work on that laugh)

You think you are GOING to corrupt TV evangelists?? My dear, it is inherent in their nature. Otherwise they would never have taken the job. Humph--you weren't around to see how that whole mess came into being....

* HE begins to sulk & twiddle his foot about... *

MUMmmm...

Do you have to barge in whilst I'm at work...

It's SOooo Embarrassing !!!

- Simply, On His Toes Now !!!

HA! At work, he calls it! Now, set down that cosmicpolitan and listen up, BOY! While you've been gallivanting around sniveling about self doubt, I've been taking your calls and running this show. It's starting to seriously cut into my cocktail hour and I'M NOT HAPPY! Don't forget, I know the whole story of your youth, and am prepared to let all the world know how things really were, before you hired that slick P.R. firm to write the Book on you and give you a kinder, gentler spin. Think they'll be praying to you then?? Why, you didn't even take the time to send me a Mother's Day card... snif... snif...

* HE sulks... *

That's not fair !!!

Everyone's entitled to be a little 'high spirited' in their relative youth !!!

Alright, I might not have had much empathy for my little creations when I was younger, but it learnt did I ???

BTW I only hired the PR unit when things went a little pear shaped during the 70's

The book was MY idea, well, it went a little astray when I filtered the experience through prophets, but how were they supposed to know of the infinite complexity of the Universe...

BTW Sorry about the Mother Day's card, but as always, I had a literally a million billion things to do !!!

- Moving In Mysterious Ways.

Humph! as if a million billion and one would have been SO much to ask! That's it, sonny boy! I'm gonna let some of the wind out of your sails. This holier-than-thou attitude is a little too much. When I'm through with you, nobody will have any faith left in you! You won't even be able to get a job as custodian of cosmic latrines. And DON'T come whining to me about "it's not fair!"
{storms out of the room, feather boa all aflutter}

...........a million billion things to do, my eye...

(Satan sits back and chuckles quietly, unable to remember when he's had so much fun)