h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Bond looks up as the sound of footsteps approaches his cell*

*The door opens and daylight stream through the gap*

Volk, why have you brought me here?

*A rat runs across the floor*

*Volk's bulk fills the doorway. The rat sits on its haunches and fixes Bond with its mean ratty eyes.*

I have brought you here to stop you from interfering with my plans. I will deal with you finally once I am unstoppable. I may reconsider and let you live for the sake of my daughter ...

*Guards enter and push Joanna into the cell with Bond. Volk has already left.*

Your father?

Your father?

*Bond had only just realised that, that was why Volk hadn't done anything to Eomando...he was her father...*

*Stands up feeling very irritated... watches the guards leave*
James, its worse than we thought. They are actually producing S30s. You must find a way to stop them leaving the building...

S30's you mean they have found a way to create a Serendipitious super sugary spicey Science Site Special sponge sans strawberries showing several succulent sliced sultanas, singly suspended sub-surface, sparkling streaming sliced starfruit syrupy sauce, strinkled sublimely succulent succinum spheres, surely not the Doughnut that dare not speak it's name. This would be a end to life as we know it.

That would be disastouous, surely that would have massive reprecutions on the ozone layer, the world oceans would expand, most of the earth would flood, the casinos in Monte Carlo would be no more. The Casinos!!!

We must find a way to stop him.

They didn't search me... I still have my other explosive earing... and one or two other things...

*Bond takes the earring and attaches it to the door near the lock*

How do you detonate it?

*Felix decides to assert himself and open his mouth*
I don't know, but what happens when we get out?

'Stand to one side!' Joanna commanded, and she twirled the other earring still in her ear. The noise from the explosion reverberated around the cell. They were free at last!

'But what are we going to do now?' whined Felix.

'Follow me!' said Bond as he bounded through the jagged space where the door had been.

*Out into the corridor where the sound of a gunfight echoed*

Follow me we must be able to stop Volk and Iwan from completing the production and distribution of S30s before it is too late.

*They run outside and a dark mysterious figure approaches... It is Bluebottle.*
So this is where you go to - I've been all over this place, killing guards left right and centre. It's a maze in here, you'll never get through to anywhere without a map!

All I need to know is how to get to the controls for the production line.

In my wonderings I discovered a vast underground complex... but it is locked with cast iron doors, and I couldn't get through...

*JB produces the keyring that Q(RIP) gave him in A View to a Kill*

Don't worry I can open 90% of the worlds locks with this.

But I have a feeling we are very close.

*Bond stirdes down the corridor and open an Iron gate*

This was I can smell the oranges.

*Two doors later they are facing the back of a black clad guard*

*Bond hits him over the head with his Walther butt, and enters a control room*

Felix have you got the charges?