h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What actually is 'American cheese' - is it some reasonably specific kind, like cheddar or brie, (if so, what sort of European cheese is
it most like) or is it used as in 'American vs. imported'.

I suppose in Europe, we do sometimes refer to Swiss cheese (presumably meaning Emmental, unless they make another kind of hole-based cheese), but that's about the only time I can think of we refer to a cheese by coutry of origin (except for Scottish/Irish/Canadian, etc. varieties of cheddar)

From what I've seen, America's choice of cheeses are either imports or some sort of processed yellow plastic/protien mess, usually found on top of burgers.

That was 20 years ago though. Perhaps they have developed a bit since then.

Remember that Emmental is also made by several other countries, and that not only emmental has holes. French Emmental seems to be the french equivalent to the british cheddar; it tends to be a bit dry and tasteless, but it's ok in sarnies.

One major pizza chain does advertise it's produce as having three cheeses; motzarella, cheddar, and 'Monerrey Jack', which I beleive might be american. However, it's difficult to work out exactly what this M.J. cheese is like given that they mix it in with all the rest. I've never tried a solid lump of it.

...Windows - The swiss cheese of operating systems

Most American cheeses consist of a large quantity of vegetable oil.

It's not cheese at all, if you ask me.

Can anybody tell me what a 'hole based cheese' looks like please???

The leading brand here in the States labels their packaging as "American pasteurized process cheese food," probably by order of the Food and Drug Administration. It is most commonly found as small, flat, square (approximately 3 1/2" per side) "slices," which are actually molded rather than sliced, and then wrapped individually in cellophane. It can also be found in "loaves," which more closely resemble a brick, and predate the sliced variety by many years.

It is rather loosely based on cheddar (which is listed on the packaging of the above anonymously mentioned leading brand as the first and therefore major ingredient), but falls miserably short of the mark (probably because the second ingredient is water). The bargain brands, however, are mostly vegetable oil (partially hydrogenated, of course). It is orange in color, but more yellow than cheddar, and has a much more bland flavor as well. Most of the major restaurants use it on their cheeseburgers in place of cheddar, since it melts easier and smoother, and has the startling tendency to stay melted far longer than any ordinary cheese should.

Aha, so it's *processed* cheese. Seems a tad unfair to the country to associate it with such a dubious substance.
Still, I suppose it can sometimes be a good marketing strategy to rely more on your customers patriotism than on their palates.

Cheddar, when it comes to cheese, is a name which most people think has to do with the town of Cheddar in Somerset, near to the famous Cheddar Gorge; but a lot of people don't realise that the name, when applied to cheese, is actually a process used in making the cheese. Cheddaring means to turn the cheese at regular intervals during it's production (after seperation from the whey) and during it's storage and maturing. This gives the cheese a more even flavour throughout the (insert technical term for large lump of cheese here), and also prevents the round from becoming more triangular shaped, as cheese has a lot of properties similar to a liquid, and will flow during storage.

There, I'm sure you really didn't want to know that, but that's your random fact of the day..

Would the "technical name for a large lump of cheese" be a "cheese"?

Well, I did a bit of reasearch, and found that 'Round' was the right name,
although this may depend on the exact type of cheese.

American cheese is indeed bland, and ideally, a bright, sunny yellow ... but it is not "pasteurized processed cheese food", as was posted here. If one seeks beyond the cheesy yellow packs up front, in most groceries, one will eventually find actual American cheese. The taste is not remarkably different, but at least with this stuff, you can be sure it's cheese and not dyed vegetable oil.

What is "cheese food" anyway ... the stuff they feed to cheese?