h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've always wondered what it would be like to take over and rule the planet. But I'm not quite sure where to start. Should I start with Britain or aim for a smaller country first and expand?

Please note, I'm not actually planning on doing this in case anyone from the police, FBI or MI6 are reading this. It's more of just an interest!!!

I think I know just the person to ask:

http://www.newscorp.com/index2.html and ask for Rupert

The BBC recommended salami tactics in Yes (Prime) Minister.

You can't really go wrong with following the advice from the Tips For Evil Overlords List.

Whatever you do don't start in a quarry. Half the bad guys in Doctor Who tried this tactic and they *always* got beaten up

A land war in Asia is also a bad idea (The Princess Bride).

The first thing you need to master is the laugh. You need a good strong and deep 'Mwahahhaahahahhaa' laugh. Once you've got this down the next step is to find an evil minion...

fancy applying for it then???

change nationality to american.
run for president.
become president.

you now run the planet.

Jobs a good un!

"change nationality to american"

It's not as easy as that. They may have to change their current rules against immigrants if Arnie wants to run though.

all you have to do is claim to have nuclear weapons, and the stupidity to use them. Then everyone will grovel. mission accomplished.

alternatively, take over OPEC. Same results.

...as evil minion?
Only if I get to rule France.

Well, you know I did like the look of the effel tower as a throne but I then I am scared of heights.

Deal! Job's yours!

Would you like an evil name or is Igor ok with you???

Give everyone here free, unmetered and uncapped gigabit speed broadband Internet access and you've got yourself an army of henchman that you can easily control (do as you say or you'll take it off us)

So *that's* the cunning plan behind the giving Londoners fast broadband story ...
http://news.zdnet.co.uk/communications/broadband/0,39020342,39207115,00.htm

hmmm...fast free broadband? I'm all yours.

hmmm...fast free broadband? I'm all yours.

I have a friend who's planning to take over the world- but by the time she was finishing up the final plans on how to keep down rebellions, it basically sounded like she was going to make the whole world a nicer better place- keeps the masses happy, but is not very evil, if you know what I mean.

I always thought it was tainted chocolates that were supposed to ....

Oops. Wrong plan.
Got to go take my shoes off.

no-one has ever claimed the central core of the earth as territory. any old anyone went along n claimed territory in them Americas when they popped up out of the horizon - but now - apply for ownership of the centre of the earth. it may only be a mere square metre of land - but if it's yours - you can run round with a sawn-off shotgun in a straw hat - with a cousin playin banjo on the veranda, shootin at whoever the hell ya wanna - roarin, Geddorf-Ah Mahh Prappertayy!!*
and then you'll own the land other countries have built their countries on - ILLEGALLY!! without a permit!! which cost money!

problem would be if that elephant with them 4 arms livin in that centre would actually be real, then you gotta go on a bit of an underground safari before the earth is yours.

another problem would be if someone already came up with this plan. someone, like, say, mother nature. -that capitalising B*tch.


*fuzzy lumpkin - his middle name is inspiration. he never tells you his middle name because, as he said himself, he "always forgets them multisybillic nouns". which is exactly why you never knew this before.

As long as I get to rule Frogland in a brutal and sadistic manner, then I care not!