h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Another one from Winston Churchill that I heard happened when he asked a lady at a party if she would sleep with him for a million pounds.
"Of course I would", she replied.
"Then would you sleep with me for ten pounds?" asked Churchill.
"Do you think I'm some sort of prostitute?" asked the outraged lady.
"We've already established that", replied Churchill, "Now we're just haggling over the price"

Woody Allen:It's not that I'm afraid of dying.Ijust don't want to be there when it happens.

W.C.Fields:I am free of all predjudice.I hate everybody.

Long a similar line, do you know who originated:

"I intend to live forever, or die in the attempt"

I only know it from "Villa" in Blake's 7 & I find it hard to believe that it's original to him!

Ugi

I beleive it is from the book Catch 22. by Joseph Heller. please correct me if i'm wrong.

It is indeed from Catch-22.

Woody Allen also said "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

I heard once that a robber waved a gun in the face of a famous American football coach and he replied:
"what do you think you are doing-threatning me with heaven?"

You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.
- Rita Mae Brown
'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
- Samuel Johnson
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
- Slovenian proverb
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
- Woody Allen
I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it.
- Voltaire
"Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

the catch 22 quote definately has to be in there too, pure genius.

it is from Catch 22. the exact quote is: "He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt, and his only mission each time he went up was to come down alive."

I like the woody allen one from Annie Hall I believe. This is paraphrased the exact quote would be appreciated.

woody says:
"My brother thinks he's a chicken, he's quite irritating to be around. I am headed over to visit him now."

The Listener* Oh really ,why do you even what to talk to him if he is that out of touch?

Woody: "Dunno , I guess I need the eggs"

G.B.Shaw was walking on a very narrow path and came face-to-face with a guy who disliked him.That guy stood straight,puffed his chest up and said,"I dont make way for fools".
Shaw,politely,"I do" and stood aside

Some Oscar Wilde classics from his "A Picture of Dorian Gray".
1.The only thing worse than being talked about is...not being talked about.
2.A man who calls a spade a spade should be given one,for he is fit for nothing else.
3.This is a personal favorite----"Women,my dear Dorian,can never be geniuses.Women generally have nothing to say and they say that very charmingly.They represent the triumph of matter over mind,just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals."

Sorry, not Churchill, GBS

Similar to the Catch-22 quote;

'I'd like to live forever, but only for a little while.'

from SFW

In a similar vein:

"I'm going to live forever - or die in the attempt." Avon in Blake's Seven.

http://www.similaritiesanddifferences.info/winston-churchill-quotes/

http://www.similaritiesanddifferences.info/woody-allen-quotes/