h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The Orion - a leisure-cruiser, beams the whole 200-mile long swimming pool complex into its vast hold. Everyone that was in the pool, and many who were in the sea, are now inside the spacecraft as it prepares for its historic swim to the moon and Jupiter!

Wait! I've forgotten my goggles...

Here *passes a spare pair over*. Now, is there anything else needed before we get started?

Waterwings?

My teacher at high school insisted on putting my Bronze Swimming Certificate on his reference of me in my RoA. Goodness knows why - I'm a terrible swimmer! I can't stand putting my head under the water. I enjoy swimming, though, just so long as it involves just enjoying being in the water and not actually going anywhere. Boats are for going places. It's a shame I never got the hang of canoeing when I was a kid for the same head / water reason as swimming.

Yippee.

*DD slides down the water slide and doesn't splash at the bottom*

Isn't zero gravity great?

*Joanna's voice is heard over the intercom*
Are you all ready for liftoff down there?

*DD suddenly spalshes down*

Must just have been momentum then.

*A dark shape lurks beneath the surface. It moves quickly to the increasiong frightened swimmers. It surfaces and...*

Hello guys. By some sheer fluke - honest - I appear to have met up with you again. I was stowed away on this ship returning from Jupiter when BB nicked it, and I thought I'd tag along for the trip back.

*DD stops scanning the pool side for anyone wearing a Swimming Costume*

What a relieve it is only you, I was getting worried that some one was breaking H.R.A.S.C. regulations on this flight.

Skiff ... Skiff ... Skiff ... Bonk ... Ouch.

*Crumpled Scotsman emerges from the water*
Damn, I'd nearly broken the record for longest distance skimmed on a tea tray!
Do you think if I just bob about here on my tray I can claim I have skimmed all the way to Jupiter?

*over the intercom*
I don't see why not...

Okay, so if everyone's ready - begin the countdown!

10

9.085

*Bob ... Float ... Bob*
Err... it'll come to me... ah! 8

Yep - 7 1/2

6.00000000000001

Er.. take away three... add the number you first thought of... er... Has anyone seen Carol Vorderman?... divide by your age...
Pi*2-1(and a bit)

KERBOOM

We have cleared the tower.

Tower? Tower!!! WHo put that tower there!! Ah!! It's the Doughnut stall!!! I had no idea Joanna had built so many!!