h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was never any good at spelling, nor reading, or writing. I can't do either of those 2. Grrrr... can't add up either.

WbB

Doesn't matter. We still like you!

Yes we do - except in the suicide forum, where we think you stink and we want you to die.
But here we're your bestest friends

Grrr... I do smell you know, the dog over the road did a poo poo on me, my legs weren't long enough to run away. I tried to roll in a puddle to get it off, but only succeeded in getting it all over me... I am a mess, but don't worry about me, it's not as if anyone ever comes close enough to smell me anyway. I seem to drive people away you know, I don't know why... I try my best, but sometimes your best is just not good enough...

WbB

I see what you mean..
Thankyou for sharing that with us...

No problem, they say a problem shared is a problem halved. Not that I have any problems, well I have, but you don't want to hear about them. I have this painful bunion, it's on my knee, Grrrr.

WbB

Well, share your knee with us, and we can saw it in half.

But would it make it better?

WbB

According to Dentist philosophy, yes. How can it hurt if it's not there?
We can sew it back later....

Grrrr... That would hurt, teddy bears have feelings too. Not that anyone bothers about that, major surgery on a stuffed toy without any form of anisthetic is very common you know!!!

WbB

Oh.
We could hit you on the head with a hammer first, if you'd prefer.

That would hurt to, but go ahead if it makes you feel better, why should I care???

WbB

Have you considered injections?

Not lately, do you think I should?

WbB

Do you really think it is wise to carry on without them?
Which innoculations have you had?

I had an injection for Droopy Bottom, it's a bad infection that bears get from time to time. My mother had it bad, her bottom used to scrape along the floor, and everyone used to laugh at her. They used to shout, 'There goes Wilson's mum, she's got a droopy bottom.'
It was all very embarrassing, and I really don't want to talk about it.

WbB

I'm sorry to hear about that.
You should be injected for lots of things, afterall, teddys get hugged most when the kid they're with are in bed most, and that's usually when they're ill, not feeling well, want to hug something, and then cough germs all over them.

Hello Wilson

I'm glad to see you're well, and not letting anything get you down...

I don't think you need to be injected. I heard somewhere that teddy bears have built in protection that stops them getting germs from children...

I was barfed on once you know, talking about sick children reminded me of that little episode. It's not as bad as you might think, of course it smells, and you have trouble getting it out of your fur, but when you are giving solace to a young one, who worries about little things like being called Spewy Pants by people...

Not that I ever gave solace to a young one, no child ever wanted me, as I am an ugly little bear really. Of course it's not my fault, I was made that way, and the little bleeder who was sick on me, wasn't ill you know... oh no, he just did it for the fun of seeing me covered in, well, I will leave it to your imagination. Just let me say, it wasn't pleasant!!!

I am getting you all down aren't I??? Just tell me, it'll be kinder that way.

WbB

No, you're not getting us down.
Tell us all your problems!
And check any new threads that have appeared on your page.