h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Regarding your article about guitars, I feel I have to add that they are alarmingly prevalent in misunderstood, adolescent males who feel the need for an outlet for their burgeoning sexuality, but can't get a girlfriend. These confused young men spend months in the grip of power chords, feedback and dodgy effects peddles that make a sound reminiscent of a piano being dropped from a great height into a large pool of mud, but with reverb.
After six months to two years of frantic activity, these treasured symbols of youth are finally flogged indiscriminately, usually for beer money, or driving lessons, two more activities employed by young men to augment their prowess with women

and long may they continue doing so.

I dream of the day I'll be good enought to sound like a piano being dropped from a great height into a large pool of mud. Adding reverb is just way out of the reach of my abilities.

The phallic symbolism of the guitar unfortunately requires that the guitar actually be in the hands of the misunderstood adolescent male in order to work it's effect upon the impressionable females.

This works great for meeting girls, however when it comes time to make the final moves on the new acquaintance, the guitar must be set down, at which point the effect wears off and the perpetrator reverts to a geeky misunderstood adolescent dweeb, bumbling his way through complicated buttons and zippers, none of which have the same controls as his reverb unit.

15 seconds later, he's apologizing and explaining that next time it will last longer, while she's already thinking about that kid down the street who traded his guitar for some beer and a 1967 Rambler that doesn't run but has a 42.8 square foot backseat.

This of course, finally sinks in, and the guitar gets traded for some beer and a 1967 Rambler that doesn't run but has a 42.8 square foot backseat.

The piano in the large pool of mud is optional, that's for the geeks who aren't interested in girls, but just want to make noise.

But what if the girl is misunderstood and adolescent? not to mention geeky.

She becomes Shania Twain, God forbid

lol

I agree with the whole excuse to pick up women, because I do it myself. But I also perform to show everyone my gift. This is the only way I can be understood. If a female musician comes along, she would understand my musical language because she does the same thing. That's my five cents worth.

You can vote for your favourite guitarist here: http://www.h2g2.com/A259968