h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*notices Wumbeevil's crossed fingers and carries on sobbing but starts singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water"*
mmmm Jacques
*remembers that he's engaged to Danni who is sister to Kylie and starts sobbing about the unfair sheep accusations again*

Look if you think your continual sobbing is going to get you anywhere, then you're probably right. My fingers were crossed for good luck (he lied unconvincingly). I thought it was more insectane than a rabbit's foot, and horseshoes aren't lucky at all - how many horses shot at the Grand National each year have been running round bare-hoofed?

OK I apologise completely for Flossie, but there is no way that I'm forgiving you for what you did to my Kylie. The evidence is there in black and white (or white and blue if, like Frank Ifield, I remember Goo).

*decides to take a dip to cool off, walks to his seat with a bowl of minted yoghurt*

No reason for the change of song I just like this one better...and it has Angel in it
*sits singing*
"Just call me Angel of the morning, oohooo"
Oh sorry where was I...oh yeah,
*sits sobbing and thinking of a convincing excuse*
Kylie left because you'd not been taking care of her, she'd had no food in days so when I found out I laid on a sheep banquet in the next room. If I'm going to be bullied for helping poor hungry sheep then ...well...plegh

Anyway where did you find that dip? Do we have dorito's and kettle chips too? Oooh fun
*stops sobbing as she's bored of that now and sits holding a packet of doritos as a peace offering*

Oh no! The Pretenders didn't sink to doing the song from a thousand bad karaoke nights, did they? I knew Chrissie Hynde was skint at one point (unless she ended up getting some of Jim Kerr's money), but surely selling Big Issues is better than this? When did it come out?

Right, where were we then? Oh yeah..

Bullied? What's your beef? (dontcha dare ) Where did I bully you?

Anyway, Kylie is an adult fisheep and quite capable of making her own decisions concerning starvation and personal hygiene versus love. I know you had her best interests at heart, and it had absolutely nothing to do with winning the dancing competition, but ... wait a minute, what am I saying?

Aw hell, I give up, and now that you've stopped sobbing, I suppose we can have 'peace with honour', as Richard Nixon describes it (or would, if he hadn't shuffled off this mortal coil).

*takes a Dorrito and decides this isn't the time to tell TB he detests them. Vaguely wonders if she knows this, but pushes the thought aside. Feigns eating the Dorrito whilst using his proboscis (I'm gradually coming to terms with my new body!) to dip into the dip.*

Oh, where did the dips come from? Err. Menza left them on the buffet table over there, before he turned into an absentee landlord. Yes, he left the buffet table as well before you ask.

I don't think we've got any kettle chips, tho there's a chipped kettle that someone left in the deep fat frier whilst he was drunk. *blushes*

What do you mean sink? That was a good song...I like it and if I hadn't only just stopped sulking then I'd start all over again
But if you must know it was released in 1994 by Warner Music and it is good so hmmph...besides surely Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights is worse than this at karaoke nights

*in order to prove a point she sits down singing*

"Out on the whilly, windy moors we roll and fall in brie, you had a temper like my jelly seat, too hard too greedy...bad dreams in the night, you told me I had to go for the light...Oooh heathcliffe, it's me I've got brie can I come home now, so cold I can't eat anymore...noooo...Heathcliffe, I've got Brie can I come home now... I'll find the nuts, let me have brie, let me have it to my self, my one dream, I'll bring the mustard...Oooh, let me have brie, let me grate it with soul, you stole the brie can't eat, Heathcliffe!"
*writes a disclaimer that it does actually say all that if you listen to it and she hasn't just eaten too much jelly*

Where did you bully me? You made me cry surely making a poor tiny fairy cry is classed as bullying

I did wonder if you'd dislike Dorritos as it's one of those things that many people seem to dislike but then I thought I was confusing you with Menza as I don't think he likes them...so you don't even like the cheese flavour ones? aah well...
*takes the dorritos back and happily sits munching them*


Aaaw a blushing Wumbeevil, I didn't know it was possible for that to happen, I assumed that ants couldn't blush

dunno. it's the weekend. time to do weekend things. like getting messed up. and listening to happy music.

Yeah, and thanks for getting that awful wailing noise changed to something rather more pleasant.

HA!

Just call me angel of the morning (angel)
Just touch my cheek before you leave me baby
Just call me angel of the morning (angel)

get that outta your heads!

I don't need to, I like it...thankyou for singing it too me but I take it you've been having a little trouble with it

I only have trouble with it when we have a game on a Sunday night. By the time we get to the pub, the karaoke is starting and I'm not even properly anaesthetised.

The last time I was at one I discovered the karaoke version of Meat Loaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Light doesn't feature any groaning. I waited thru five horrendous minutes of a female duet just to see what they did at that bit, instead of retreating to the other side of the bar as usual, and it wasn't there - not even a whimper (well apart from myself for having bravely withstood the aural onslaught for nowt). Now you're really puzzled if you don't know it!

*wonders whether to admit that she is infact a MeatLoaf fan and has every album, including the "best of" and last year went to one of his greatest concerts ever*

Umm I vaguely recall that song yes, and I do know what you mean although I prefer "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth" as I like the intro better...and yes if you were wondering they did do the Paradise bit in the concert and yes it was quite a disturbing image

For Crying Out Loud, not another BT situation! I've bought that album three times, two cassettes and a CD, but I guess that's still not a record? I don't know what inspired them to add Dead Ringer to the CD, especially putting it on as the last track, any chance of some fairy magic removing it or even moving it back a few tracks? Ah well, back to programming the player so I can burst into watery Wumbeevil compound eyes as it finishes. I'll raise you Objects in the Rear View Mirror, that's an "It's OK, I've just got a ton of grit in each eye" track.

*Looks back at the last paragraph in horror and realises he's naked in a public bar...again. Spots his carefully maintained shallow persona exoskeleton lying crumpled in a heap in the corner, and rushes to put it on, much to the relief of almost everyone in the bar, and to the consternation of a short sighted customer who thought Wumbeevil was a lapdancer*

Phew! Thought I was metamorphosising into a new ma... male Wumbeevil there. I was about to claim a refund from the Frankenstein clinic, then I remembered it was Amy who freed me from being trapped in an ant's body. Err, the £2.87 you gave me for the op? *shuffles across to stand in front of a table covered in Snowflakes* Err, well I got you a present. *Hands TB a Snowflake from behind his back* This is to thank you for helping me get over Kylie (no not like that), and making me realise there are more fisheep in the bellybutton.


Yippee! I've finally put a disturbing image into someone elses head without suffering myself (or appearing in public, before you say it).

Woohoo! I haven't ever heard anyone attempt to sing the Brie Song at a karaoke, so I'm even safe from that. What's happening here? Oh well might as well celebrate...

...on a hot summer night would you offer your wings to the Wumbeevil with the red roses? Care to try and dance to Kevin Bloody Wilson?
Hey, at least I didn't put on his Santa material, I know the effect that would have on a certain fairy!

What were those very unfairylike words? I bet you say that to all the weevils.

*wanders in having decided the conversation looked lonely*

*eats a slab of *

Do you realise that today was a recordbreaking day at H2G2? The 'unsubscribe' system collapsed due to the number of people saying, "Whale oil beef hooked Seamus, dare's dat bleedin' juke box been brought back to life again. Mary me dear, wouldya run and get Father Murphy, da leprechauns are after me again." ... and that was just in London.

I hope this re-activating old threads isn't becoming a mission TB, I looked at the JWB thread only last week, but was uninspired to say anything as earth-shattering as you. Oh to have a mind capable of issuing such profound statements. Still, now I've got the Sex Discrimaination Act behind me, I'll have a go at earning my Bronze Fairy Wings...

*girns*

*eats a slab of *

There, how did I do?

*laughs*
Well at least I didn't name a new song...I've got a whole SClub7 album I could have used

*looks suspicious*
What JWB thread??? Hmmm... And no I'm not re-activating old threads just some of the ones in here as they looked lonely...they hadn't been written in since October which is a very sad state for a thread to find itself in...especially over the festive season!

Hmm... I think you still need to work on the girning a bit

*dusts off some cobwebs*

cof,cof!

is there anybody in here?

*smiles*
Only me and him...why did you want to listen to SClub7?

Ho yus squire, nothing like a bit of S Club 7 to remind us of the good old days and how wonderful this thread got at times.

Play away Ms Tinkerbell

*nervously downs a pint of pernod wondering how long it's going to take TB to put on the Tweenies or Bob the Builder*

Have you another pint of that stuff W? If so I mite start dancing soon!

*Inserts some industrial strength ear plugs and hands TB some credits*

*Passes a pint of original 80 proof pernod over to Mr Z, this ain't no job for the watered down version.*

*Frantically studies his SAS guide to Survivalist yoga exercises. Sticks a toe in each ear and falls over*