h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(I'll start you off...)

#1 Chewing Gum.
It has no nutritional value, is a litter menace and makes the chewer look like a cross between a masticating ungulate and a slack-jawed yockel.

#2 Channel 5

#3 Chanel No. 5

#4 Milton Keynes

#5 Syphilis

Sorry, I'd miss #3 - can't wear the sheap stuff all the time.
So substitute #3 Evaluations of teachers by spotty students
#6 pocket handkerchiefs (embroidered - ladies for the "use" of)

#7 Mandarins - they're just lesser satsumas

#8 Hello Magazine and all its cheaper rip offs.

#9 Those small plastic tags that are used to stick prices onto clothes, which are a pain in the bum to get off without using your teeth and leaving little bits of plastic on the carpet which then gets stuck to the bottom of your socks causing irritation and pain to the sole of your foot just at a time when you don't need it, i.e when you are looking for your shoes because you are late for a dinner date which is why you bought the new clothes in the first place.

#10 LaundryPowder Commercials. they're all the same, boring and of no use to anyone...

#11 Yorkshire Terriers

#12 Spoons & Forks.

Not sure about that - I get enough of my soup down my shirt as it is...

#14 "Warning: This securicor vehicle is reversing.....Warning: This securicor vehicle is reversing...Warning: This securicor vehicle is reversing..."

#13 People who miss out #13.

#15 Gareth Gates

#16 Charlotte Church

#17 - Speakerphones (use of in an open plan office)

#18 Crossroads (the British Soap)

#19 Crossroads (the Britney Spears movie)

#20 Britney Spears

#21 Sambuca, after effects of.

head colds (trying to not rub my nose off with tissues and wishing i could take a nap, but that would be asking too much, now wouldn't it?)