h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*No, nope, bleedin dull, not a chance, booooring! '

Steve Swann winced, as yet another few hundred pages of the screenplay were torn out, and fed into the toaster by a very unconvincingly dressed Norse Letterbox.

*But Henry, dude, that's the historical stuff, Erm, that sets the scene, gives the background, keeps the wardrobe peeps in a job? '

*Hysterical stuff is just, well, and here's the important bit Stevie….'

Swann took the bait and leant in towards the fake beards Henry was so proud of.

*... all that, oh the curtains were red bleedin velvet and, the formal buttons glinted crapola… Du. Uh. LLLLLL!*

Henry went on with the edit, smearing the copy with crumpet butter, *Keep. More blood, severed head - nice! Bigger sword, more gore, better gore, kill the dog (arrows maybe?) . Big finish. Bish, bash, bleedin bosh, get the girl, done!*

And so it was 'The Chase' became the shortest movie to ever be nominated for (and win) the Flamin Crumpet Film Award for Best Bleedin Hysterical Movie…. 7 minutes and 27 seconds. (Inc. 3.20 soundtrack)

I sorta wish there were less bloodshed and gore, but I'm just one person against the vast throngs who enjoy that sort of thing.

Boy, are you in the wrong place, but it'd be a boring world if we all read, wrote and liked the same stuff.