h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Brett Sheldon unlocked the shutters, entered the brilliantly complex alarm code (1111), walking through the greenly lit shop, he started the coffee machine, walked back through the dimly lit store, and flipped the sign on the door to Open.

The neon 'Tanks for the Memories' sign buzzed into life as Brett prepared to feed his stock.

He loved this time of day, just him and the animals, the gurgle of the aquarium tanks, the lights dancing around the ceiling, and the grateful kisses the fish blew him whilst he sprinkled their food on the glowing water.

Fish fed, and happily blowing kisses, Brett flipped on the fluorescent lighting and strolled over to the large flat, open topped, aquarium on his left.

The water, for some bizarre reason had a slightly reddish tint, maybe too many oxygenators?

From the shallow water, four heads poked, watching their human captor fishing around in the margins, looking puzzled as the plants stained his hands red.

The turtles had fed well that night, devouring all the other, lesser, inhabitants of their tank, but, as Brett's fingers neared, the four realized they were once again ravenous.

Brett dropped the sticky red plants into the bin and waved at his first customers of the day. A young mom and two small kids.

He smiled as they walked down the aisles, pointing at the brightly colored tropicals, making the usual Nemo comments, and giggling at the sea horses.

*Ooh, look mommy, toytoysers!* one of the little girls squealed, *I wanna toy toys, please mommy, pleeeease? *

*Hi, welcome to Tanks for the Memories, I'm Brett, and I see someone has fallen in love with these little guys!

They're Indian flats, turtles actually , erm not toytoysers, I'm afraid, Lissemys punctata in fact, if you want the boring grown up name* Brett winked at the little ones, *They do make great pets Mom, easy to care for… and you can teach them tricks!*

He winked again at the kids, to show them he was just teasing mom.

*Mommy, we promise to look after them, feed them and everything… Please, Please can we have a trick toytoys?*

*And we're doing a two fer offer today! There's four little guys left, buy two and you get the whole team!*

Ten minutes later the girls left the shop, laden with two new plastic tanks, all the add-on equipment and food they would never need, thanks to the four new pets.

Michelle stapled the last poster to the telephone pole, she smiled at the kids, heartbroken to see them so worried.

*That's the last one, Fluffy will be right back home before you know it!*

She felt guilty, it had been four days now, the poor thing had probably been hit by a car, or something, the dog had never run off before, she couldn't even think how the puppy had gotten out of the house.

*The toytoysers are sad too, mommy* the youngest sobbed, *They are so sad, they haven't touched their food for just ages, not since Fluffy… *

*Well they obviously haven't seen these wonderful posters you two guys have made! You just wait and see, she'll be back before you know it, and those little guys will be gobbling up anything you put near them!*

[Oh, what a beautiful setting for a story! I feel like I'm right in there with your main character, FWR .

Absolutely beautiful.]

Thanks Paul! (well it is Hallowe'en!)


4.

*It's perfect! So, where do we sign?* Frank Shnapper beamed at his new wife, certain they had found their ideal home.

The realtor beamed back, but a slight hesitation troubled Frank.

*Is there a problem?*

*No, no, no problem… as such. It's just State Law that we must give full disclosure on all our properties, and, perfect though this place is.. erm .. there is a history to this house.*

The newlyweds looked around, certain there'd be black mould on the walls, or a meth lab in the basement.

*Two years ago now, the family who lived here, er, well, the family, young couple with two kids… Look I'll be straight with you guys, the family just disappeared, one day they were here, the next, mom, dad, the kids, the pets… Poof, all gone! No home invasion, nothing criminal, we think, just went away without a word. Left everything, clothing, passports, phones, hell, even left their cars, keys still on that table! Police searched the whole place, only thing missing was whatever they kept in their aquarium, everything else they left. As I say, nothing criminal, just have to be honest with potential buyers!*

As the Shnappers pulled away from the kerb, through the grille in the storm drain, several thousand hungry eyes followed their departure

They had stayed near the house, associating it with food, enjoying the dark and the damp, breeding and foraging, hunting rats and raccoons, groundhogs and the occasional cat, always hungry, always waiting for their next meal.

[At one time I had seven aquariums, all rigged up with gravel, filters, and various different types of goldfish plus an occasional koi or catfish. I was bonkers over the little darlings. Goldfish may be beautiful to look at, but they resemble underwater pigs because they are always rooting around in the gravel. And unless you have an efficient filter, their feces will collect. I tried using aquarium plants that could use the droppings as fertilizer. This made the plants grow very fast and large . But enough about my fish. I look forward to hearing more about the ones in your story]

5.

*....in the Tri-state area are being evacuated as Tropical Storm Shelley hits the area. Residents are being advised to take high ground as the storm swell could reach a height of fifteen to twenty feet in the towns.

Elsewhere, there was controversy in the NFL last night…. *

Sheriff Bob Cooter switched off the small TV set, picking up the keys to the cell block, cursing the three overnighters shouting in the drunk tank.

Major storm hitting town, and he had to stay put and babysit the freakin' hobos!

At least they'd stopped their shouting and caterwalling, probably heard his keys rattling, he'd give them a talking to, set them straight, and get back to the late night movie.

He cursed again as the door to the four cell room refused to open, icy water spurting through the slight gap between the heavy door and frame.

They certainly weren't just flapping their gums about this storm!

Bob pushed harder, more water soaked his boots… and that stench… Jeez, what had these guys been chugging?

The door gave, the pressure of the rising water knocking the Sheriff off his feet, he was briefly aware of being surrounded by body parts and thousands of snapping mouths, then everything went red.

Pirannhas?

Not quite...

6.

Martha Slider pulled her sister Hetty up onto the roof of the farmhouse they'd share for almost seventy years.

They'd seen storms before, for sure, but this was something else.

As far as the eye could see, the rising water churned and swamped their land.

Crops ruined, livestock almost certainly drowned, (although they'd seen plenty of uprooted trees floating by, strangely enough, no animal carcasses had drifted by so far), and their home ruined.

Now they stood, two old spinster sisters, stranded on their own dang roof!

No food, no phones, dressed in just their nightgowns, what a pretty picture!

As the water reached the guttering, Martha saw something crawl onto the shingles.

Then another, and another, the water boiled with more of the things, thousands of the blurry looking critters, climbing up towards them.

Poor things trying not to be drowned too?

She bent down to get a better look, realizing her specs were in the flooded kitchen below, she reached out to pick one of the critters up to get a closer look, gasping in pain as it clamped strong jaws into her hand, crunching bone, tasting blood.

Martha looked to Hetty for help, but her sister lay still, thousands of the strange critters feasting.

Thankfully, she fainted before the dark, hungry wave swarming up the roof reached her.

7.

Paulo Testudines revved the outboard motor, the Honda struggling against the swell.

Where he was, he knew not, the usual route along the river washed away in the storm, now everywhere was a damn river!

In the hold of the fishing boat, his cargo was still, thankfully dry, the kilo blocks wrapped tightly in cellophane.

Paulo knew his contact would be furious, if they had risked the storm, waiting up river for the cocaine, conscious of the increased police and National Guard patrolling the area.

The motor was running hot, then, a sickening crunch and it stopped altogether, the boat lurching wildly as they lost power.

Paulo clung on as the vessel was pushed into the torrent, grimacing as hundreds of unseen objects, debris from the storm perhaps, crashed into the hull.

He shouted to Marco, ordering him to get into the water, check out the outboard, free the prop from whatever was fouling it.

Marco was about to protest when he saw the handgun levelled at his chest.

*Now hermano, I can't lose the cargo!* Paulo motioned to the stern with the Glock.

Marco eased himself, feet first into the swirling floodwater, holding onto the shaft of the Honda, feeding himself slowly downwards, hand over hand, fingers searching for weeds or branches fouling the propellor.

His hands found something, something soft, clothing perhaps?

He tugged at the jam, feeling it give, spitting water as his head went under, feeling a sharp pain in his leg. Then another, and another.

His hands reached out for help, the water swallowing his screams.

Paulo looked on as the flood turned red, grasping Marcos hand, trying to pull him back on board. More thuds against the hull , like someone was firing a machine gun into the sides of the boat.

Marco went under again, hand in a vice-like grip, refusing to be lost, fighting as he'd fought all his life.

Water began to creep up Paulo's legs, but horrified by what he was seeing, he paid no heed. Pulling on the hand in his. Fascinated by the crimson flood.

Then Marco was still, his hand relaxed, and slipped from Paulo's grasp.

The noise brought Paulo to his senses, the hull splitting, fibreglass being torn to pieces.

Water now up to his waist. Paulo saw the first of the white packages floating by. He reached out to save the drugs, his life depended on its safe delivery.

He felt the first bite. Cried out to his God, then wept for his mother as they ate him alive.

Minutes later, the sinking boat was surrounded in half a million dollars worth of useless, reddened, powder.

I have seen this. You are EVIL.

I'll bet you LIKE 'Shark Week'.

8.

*....amid reports of widespread damage.

The Governor's office today reported that over two hundred and ninety missing person reports are being investigated, but as the floodwater subsides and the clear up begins, local law enforcement are baffled by the lack of bodies of those we've sadly lost to the storm.

Experts suggest that such was the ferocity of the floods, any of those missing souls could've been simply washed out to sea and regretfully may never be found.

A vigil and service for the victims will be held at the civic centre on Sunday next, multi-faith speakers will address those who wish…..*



As the waters subsided, sated and bloated, most were picked off by the flocks of gulls that had followed the flood inland.

Many survived, only to be washed out into salt water, perishing in this alien environment, or becoming tasty morsels for bigger animals.

A few, a mere handful, found their way into the bloated drains, flushed back into the sewer systems and the dark, adapting to the meagre sustenance on offer, waiting, breeding, longing for the next flood… and the next feast.


Happy Hallowe'en!

Or maybe it's not Halloween yet.....

Thank you, FWR, I wasn't planning on sleeping, ever again.


Great story, though.

Blame DG! Nice warm up for November's madness too.

Yes, very appropriate for Halloween.

Guess what I had a dream about today!

Chester Zoo of all places being overrun.. Erm.. Overswam...

Hoggett the Earth Scientist thought this was very funny. He told me a story about when he used to keep a 'flesh-eating' turtle in his classroom. In the spring, when the school campus was overrun with frogs, he'd let the students feed him.

"Their land brought forth frogs."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vytqeDU8rRk